To want to nip this in the bud ( LGBTQ views , child )

[Calmorchaos]

I’m after some advice really on how to approach this.

I have always been the type of person to support anyone to be who they are. I’ve never shied away or shielded my children from the world - very much a ‘love is love’ person and always encouraged my children to support those who need it and be inclusive ( in terms of people being bullied , disabilities etc too ) .

My youngest is going into high school ( 11 ) . Over the past few months I’ve noticed a few comments such as “ there are 2 genders “ , “ I don’t support LGBTQ “ . I’ve addressed this in the moment . But recently he found out his new school has an LGBTQ assembly on a monthly basis and he has started saying he doesn’t want to go because “ he doesn’t support it” . I sat down and had a chat with him , I explained to him that it isn’t really his place to choose to not agree with it - it’s not a choice , i explained it as he could say he doesn’t agree with people eating meat as that is a choice he would be making , but someone’s sexuality is their feelings and not a choice.

I am sure comments will allow me to explain more how the conversation went from my side so I won’t drag this post on with that but his comments were unnerving :

• he believes someone chooses to be gay , they can control it but they choose it
• we can choose who we fall in love with
• if a friend of his told him he was gay he would still be friends with them but not as good because they chose to be gay and he doesn’t support it.

I know he is very young and he doesn’t understand and has things to learn. He is the sweetest boy and the way he said these things sounded scripted as though he has heard others say this . I know he is a child and it’s my job that guide him and that’s the advice I’m asking for , how do I address this? I’m not saying I need him to go around advocating I just don’t want these views becoming ingrained and he becomes the reason another student who is struggling, struggles more. I know I may be overreacting but this age and as the years go on is a time that he can be heavily influenced . He’s a quiet, sweet boy and I do believe he could be heavily influenced.

Another concerning thing is that when I asked him where he had heard all this and where it comes from he said his Dad .

I’d also remind him that he’s over the age of criminal responsibility and openly expressing homophobic views is a hate crime.

Have a day off Tandora.

Kids that age are highly suggestible so the main thing you can do to counter it is just keep talking to him. There's no point being the other side of a coin trying to impose views on him so don't preach at him or try to force him into your box but just keep talking to him without judgement, keep the lines of communication open about it. Ultimately this is the time when he's finding out who he is, trying out forming big opinions, thinking about issues that he maybe wasn't aware of or that has different dimensions from what he previously understood, and the more you talk to him the more those additional elements become something he has to consider.

My daughter is 10 and has been talking a bit about abortion and trying out expressing views about it and while I might personally disagree with some of what she is saying, I also disagree with my own 16 year old self it. They've a long way to go before they start to grasp adult concepts properly.

With the caveat @Shedmistress that op has to accept that it's a discussion and he can have different views!

Yes. Some trans identifying males have appropriated the concept of the ‘glass ceiling’ - to be broken through.

It’s rather rapey really which was borne out by the testimonies of lesbians in a brave BBC article where they described being coerced by trans identifying males who regard themselves as lesbians because they are attracted to women.

Oh gosh. People are confusing diagnosed gender dysphoria, with people who 'identify' as something that doesn't align with what they look like.

Genuine gender dysphoria, is rare and is a mental illness, like anorexia.

But we wouldn't say to anorexics that yes, we agree with them wholeheartedly, they are fat and the only way to help them is to put them on a diet.

It's bizarre

OP, could you son be potentially having same sex attracted feelings and be trying to fight against them? The choosing to be gay or not comment might fit with that?

I agree this is crazy?! What else is covered once a month? Disability? Race?

As a celibate by choice (because I’ve had 40 years of misogyny and it’s getting worse) 50+ heterosexual woman, I can’t find the energy to get worried about the fabric of my knickers.

Again, you’re choosing to miss the point despite it being explained to you.

Why not? What do you want assemblies to be about? Schools have students of different races and students with disabilities. Any student in a school could become disabled tonight or tomorrow.

I'd be adressing it with their father first of all. To make them aware their (prejudiced) opinions are being parroted by their son. Some parents dont realise how suggestible kids are. I'd then talk about the topic more widely with your son rather than saying 'you can't think that'..much better rl to have exploratory chats more around 'what do you think being gay actually means' etc so that you get them to empathise with the reality of life experiences of different people. Its all about encouraging empathy at this age. Few kids are naturally prejudiced l, their natural inclination is quite open minded so help him explore that side of himself.

Ok love. 🫩

Op, @Thedownstream had and interesting thought. Have you tried discussing sexuality with your son?

But you are not being remotely respectful of his opinions. You cannot change sex You cannot choose who you are attracted to but you can absolutely choose what you do about that .

I would be concerned about the type of friends he'd make if he was vociferously anti-gay - Andrew Tate fans

Andrew Tate is very pro trans. (And probably gay).

I agree and I don’t think I’d want a child of mine there every month. As you say. Occasionally Is fine. But monthly is ridiculous.

Has he been reading MN by any chance?

Ofsted have clear guidance on this, so it’s probably best to address all enquiries to them.

Yes sorry that’s not what I meant. I am curious to know if the school covers other topics and agree that they should.

My question is do they also cover other big topics like disability? Are they picking LGBTQ above other topics.

🤣👍🏻

Yes, of course an 11 year old is going to get arrested for having his own opinion. I think you need to brush up on your knowledge of what a hate crime is. But here you go:

• Verbal abuse
• Threats
• Harassment
• Physical attacks
• Vandalism or damage to property
• Online abuse

Op has not mentioned her son has done any of these things.

I hope they are covering topics such as disability and racism. I hope they cover MLK Day and autism awareness week, depression awareness week, epilepsy awareness week.

I think that’s a bit too simplistic a characterisation.

People who identify as trans have a disproportionately high number of autistic people, vulnerable people with mental health conditions and same sex attracted people with homophobic families (as well as the men who openly admit they have watched too much porn).

Lots of people feel uncomfortable with their bodies or that they don’t quite fit into society. ‘Trans’ is a solution offered as a cure all by organisations and activists who have an agenda. It is not the best solution for the vast majority who end up having proper issues ignored in the long quest for ‘transition’.

Yet.

Great reply, really proved your point didn’t you 😂