To want to nip this in the bud ( LGBTQ views , child )

[Calmorchaos]

I’m after some advice really on how to approach this.

I have always been the type of person to support anyone to be who they are. I’ve never shied away or shielded my children from the world - very much a ‘love is love’ person and always encouraged my children to support those who need it and be inclusive ( in terms of people being bullied , disabilities etc too ) .

My youngest is going into high school ( 11 ) . Over the past few months I’ve noticed a few comments such as “ there are 2 genders “ , “ I don’t support LGBTQ “ . I’ve addressed this in the moment . But recently he found out his new school has an LGBTQ assembly on a monthly basis and he has started saying he doesn’t want to go because “ he doesn’t support it” . I sat down and had a chat with him , I explained to him that it isn’t really his place to choose to not agree with it - it’s not a choice , i explained it as he could say he doesn’t agree with people eating meat as that is a choice he would be making , but someone’s sexuality is their feelings and not a choice.

I am sure comments will allow me to explain more how the conversation went from my side so I won’t drag this post on with that but his comments were unnerving :

• he believes someone chooses to be gay , they can control it but they choose it
• we can choose who we fall in love with
• if a friend of his told him he was gay he would still be friends with them but not as good because they chose to be gay and he doesn’t support it.

I know he is very young and he doesn’t understand and has things to learn. He is the sweetest boy and the way he said these things sounded scripted as though he has heard others say this . I know he is a child and it’s my job that guide him and that’s the advice I’m asking for , how do I address this? I’m not saying I need him to go around advocating I just don’t want these views becoming ingrained and he becomes the reason another student who is struggling, struggles more. I know I may be overreacting but this age and as the years go on is a time that he can be heavily influenced . He’s a quiet, sweet boy and I do believe he could be heavily influenced.

Another concerning thing is that when I asked him where he had heard all this and where it comes from he said his Dad .

Yes it’s a shame that PPs can’t see what is in front of them. Trans ideology is the ultimate homophobia as it literally denies the existence of same sex attraction.

The rainbow brainwashing is pretty effective. You just have to look at the abusive posts on this very site from men threatening lesbians for existing as same sex attracted women. Or maybe lesbians don’t matter to @Fk48fj ?

Coming back to the 2 genders point, I wonder how many genders the OP thinks it's acceptable to say there are?

I think the last time lesbians mattered was when we were hauled out without consent by the TQ+ “allies” as being examples of why single sex spaces were a blight on humanity, because we were suddenly useful tools to pretend that women may confuse us with men.

Before that we were public enemy #1 for being the biggest bigots on earth for not wanting to sleep with males who “identified” as lesbians.

The joys of forced teaming.

You don't have to agree with someone else's life choices. But you can treat them with respect.

I don't think you can tell this to your son

"I explained to him that it isn’t really his place to choose to not agree with it - it’s not a choice"

I think is very hypocritical to say everyone else can choose who they feel attracted to, who they have a sexual relationship with and even to have a choice to decide their gender despite their biology, but your son has no choice to agree or disagree with some else's ideologies?

What “homophobic taunting” (which she mentions) would meet your threshold for exclusion.

What?

This.

No it’s not. This is you being hyperbolic over what I did say.

But then you did make reference to discussing “sexual relationships” with children so it’s just wild exaggeration on your part.

It depends what she means by that.

Sorry, which bit don’t you understand?

Try reading your posts back, it might be useful.

Well he’s right about there only being two genders isn’t he? And I don’t believe in the whole Lbtqxyz shit either. If you’re gay, bi whatever - fair enough but how many more fucking letters do they need to add on to this ridiculous label?

I did. Where on earth did I say:

that I “You are an adult who apparently talks to many children about who they fancy and who they want to have a romantic relationship with”

What on earth?!

And having a conversation with my 11 year old niece on a topic she raised (a boy she met on an away trip from school) is not me “leading” anything.

Hysteria on your part.

A mother, or an aunt, asking their daughter/neice if a boy that they appear to life is their "boyfriend" is sensible.

At 11?

Seriously?

Yes at 11. Within the context of a discussion. But as I sound it sounds inappropriate to you because your mind weirdly went to “sexual relationship” which says more about you than me.

I assume she means “homophobic taunting”.

So you said I literally was talking to my niece today about this boy she met at a school camp. She clearly fancied him and I asked her if he was her boyfriend and she responded “I would like him to be”.

and then you said

But this notion that children are completely unaware of their sexuality is false. I have known far more young children than not have crushes.

So presumably you have spoken to these ‘far more’ children to find out about these crushes, otherwise how would you know? So it sounds like you are speaking to other peoples <11 yr olds about their romantic (I’ll concede that ‘romantic’ is a more appropriate word than ‘sexual’ so I switched in later posts) relationships.

And I thought it all sounded a bit odd because even after bringing up several children we have had very few, if any, conversations around intentions of romantic relationships of the 11 yr olds, particularly the girls, because as I said, most women have sensible boundaries around not encouraging girls to think about romantic relationships when too young. Then I gave the example of the girl I’ve known for years who was encouraged into ‘dating’ at an inappropriately young age by her mother and then she got pregnant at 15.

Where is the hyperbole? Maybe it sounds hyperbolic because you do actually know what appropriate boundaries are but temporarily forgot them?

I think you mixed me up with another poster as I haven't commented on this particular point before.

But I do not know anyone who would reference 'boyfriends' and 'girlfriends' to their 11 year old with the expectation that they might have one. That strikes me as odd.

Why do you think me knowing of children having crushes means:

”me talking to many kids about who they fancy”?

Why is that where your mind went?

I have been a child - and am aware of what I discussed then.

I also am surrounded by children both of friends and family and have volunteered in a playcentre moons ago.

It is possible to be privy to children’s discussions without prompting them or even partaking.

The fact your mind went elsewhere even raising the topic of “sexual relationships” when discussing children says more about you than me.

And it’s nothing good.

You’re the one who claimed that she ‘fancied’ said boy. ‘Fancying’ has sexual or romantic connotations - still shouldn’t be encouraged in 11 yr olds by an adult.

I did feel that ‘romantic’ might be a better word on reflection though.

Ok but I don’t think anybody said they expect their 11 year old to have a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Not even the post you quoted which was in reference to mine.

Yes.

Of course.

For one, if there were (God forbid) something inappropriate going on, surely you'd want to know?

And surely, when your child (or a close family member) starts indicating that they are experiencing romantic feelings, gently letting them know "you can discuss these things" is just good, responsible parenting (or, in this case, aunting)?

Honestly, do you really thinking ignoring it, sticking your fingers in your ear and refusing to engage in the topic, or telling them "you mustn't have feelings like that until youre older" is a good idea?

Christ...

This is the comment I was referring to

A mother, or an aunt, asking their daughter/neice if a boy that they appear to life is their "boyfriend" is sensible.

No fancying doesn’t have sexual connotations. It barely has romantic ones especially not when discussing children.

I did not “claim” she fancied said boy. It was fairly obvious she did in the context of the conversation.

The problem is you are for some reason applying an adult framework to it. Which I am not.