To want to nip this in the bud ( LGBTQ views , child )

[Calmorchaos]

I’m after some advice really on how to approach this.

I have always been the type of person to support anyone to be who they are. I’ve never shied away or shielded my children from the world - very much a ‘love is love’ person and always encouraged my children to support those who need it and be inclusive ( in terms of people being bullied , disabilities etc too ) .

My youngest is going into high school ( 11 ) . Over the past few months I’ve noticed a few comments such as “ there are 2 genders “ , “ I don’t support LGBTQ “ . I’ve addressed this in the moment . But recently he found out his new school has an LGBTQ assembly on a monthly basis and he has started saying he doesn’t want to go because “ he doesn’t support it” . I sat down and had a chat with him , I explained to him that it isn’t really his place to choose to not agree with it - it’s not a choice , i explained it as he could say he doesn’t agree with people eating meat as that is a choice he would be making , but someone’s sexuality is their feelings and not a choice.

I am sure comments will allow me to explain more how the conversation went from my side so I won’t drag this post on with that but his comments were unnerving :

• he believes someone chooses to be gay , they can control it but they choose it
• we can choose who we fall in love with
• if a friend of his told him he was gay he would still be friends with them but not as good because they chose to be gay and he doesn’t support it.

I know he is very young and he doesn’t understand and has things to learn. He is the sweetest boy and the way he said these things sounded scripted as though he has heard others say this . I know he is a child and it’s my job that guide him and that’s the advice I’m asking for , how do I address this? I’m not saying I need him to go around advocating I just don’t want these views becoming ingrained and he becomes the reason another student who is struggling, struggles more. I know I may be overreacting but this age and as the years go on is a time that he can be heavily influenced . He’s a quiet, sweet boy and I do believe he could be heavily influenced.

Another concerning thing is that when I asked him where he had heard all this and where it comes from he said his Dad .

Not a man.

It’s a perfectly fine question to ask an 11 year old. You don’t seem to have much real world experience? There is nothing “leading” in asking in context conversations.

You never heard children talking of “boyfriends and girlfriends” at primary school?

We did. Children really aren’t as ignorant of who they like as you want them to be.

And nobody has mentioned “sexual relationships”.

That’s your invention.

I am NOT 'supportive', of all lifestyles. But neither do I think my opinion of others lifestyles for the most part is their problem.

I am not however going to wave a flag, or attend an assembly/meeting, or wear something to pretend to support something I don't. And neither are my kids.

No more pretending. It has led us to a completely absurd situation.

The OP's DS is entitled to his opinion. As long as he expecting other people to behave/support him, what business is it of theirs?

🤣seriously!

Schools have to prevent bad behaviour from happening now. And can’t use exclusion when it does happen. That is ridiculous and so not how life works.

Is it just the homophobic children that need to get this luxury?

No the festering was due to homophobia not being dealt with at home. The school tried its best. My child had a right to walk down corridors without hearing homophobic language which then turned into bullying. Homophobic language is actually a safe guarding issue as it can have a catastrophic impact on the MH of gay children.The schools views and policies were clear( as they are in all schools)and made available on entry.

Nope not all. Some like my son know and many are working it out. During the process being subjected to homophobia is absolutely not ok.

If a man decided in his 40s, after being married for 20 years and having 3 kids, that he’s now a woman and lesbian - ie gay - is that not a choice? He has chosen to appropriate womanhood, appropriate homosexuality and pretend to the world that he’s now a lesbian. All through choice. And all as a front for his AGP fetish.

Homophobia can very easily turn into an hate crime as even making individuals feel unwelcome due to their protected characteristic is a hate crime. Young people need to be aware of this as out in the big world it isn’t tolerated. As a parent if our school hadn’t handled said homophobia and bullying as well as they did I would have reported it to the police. That would have been far worse than exclusion for the children involved.

Not interested, only interested homophobia in schools- which quite rightly isn’t tolerated.

Well going by the opinion of that poster that OPs son merely saying he might be slightly less good friends with a boy is raging homophobia which must be stopped, I’m not convinced that the ‘festering’ behaviour she mentions is going to have reached normal thresholds for exclusion.

Oh it did. Homophobia spreads
like a rash when unchecked hence the robust systems in place within schools to deal with it.

You literally said this

Nope 11 is plenty old enough to have some idea of your sexuality*

And?

Yet you seem unbothered by the homophobia preached by teachers pushing gender ideology. I’m assuming you have a male child who will be less affected?

What about the attempts by organisations like Stonewall etc to have your child’s legal protections removed by changing the definition of sexual orientation?

Or the likelihood that OPs son has his current views because thr TQ+ force teamed with LGB and is busily undermining all the good work achieved by the gay rights lobby? Yet you prefer to blame the 11 yr old.

Op was about homophobia shown by children which as a family we have suffered from. If you want to start yet another trans thread deflecting from the actual OP go right ahead I won’t be engaging.

It is difficult at 11 to explain in the context of adult relationships and sexual attraction. It can be problematic talking about love instead - to an extent you can help who you “love” in terms of the choices we have in who we get involved with (for example incest and adultery are a no no) but whether you are attracted to opposite/same/both sexes is what lgb is about and at his age he may not have worked this out yet. At a recent pride event in my town there were lots of very young teens wearing Asexual flags. I almost wondered if there is so much talk about sexuality in kids/teens that it becomes an identity not to have worked it all out yet. I think promoting tolerance for others is the most important thing, and trying to keep communication open to counteract all the manosphere stuff.

I would tell him that you can't choose who you fall in love with just as you can't choose whether you're a boy or a girl.

There are only 2 genders.

You don't have to agree with/support LGBT if you don't want to.

I have plenty of ‘real world experience’ thank you - you’ll be calling me a ‘pearl clutcher’ next for suggesting that it’s inappropriate for an adult to be talking to other people’s 11 yr olds about who they fancy and whether they want them as a boyfriend.

You never heard children talking of “boyfriends and girlfriends” at primary school?

I have and I’m sure they do but that is children talking between themselves and you are not a child. You are an adult who apparently talks to many children about who they fancy and who they want to have a romantic relationship with.

It’s a perfectly fine question to ask an 11 year old. You don’t seem to have much real world experience? There is nothing “leading” in asking in context conversations.

Yes, it’s an ‘in context’ question but it also leads her down the next step from ‘fancying’ (did she really use that word or is that your adult interpretation of what she actually said?) or legitimises her thinking about a romantic relationship with that boy.

Most mothers would not be encouraging their 11 yr old girl to think about boyfriends, as I said upthread, I’ve seen it end in a 15 yr old getting pregnant. So I’m assuming you are either not a mother or have younger kids who are not at that stage yet. Or have no idea of appropriate boundaries around other people’s children. Either way it’s not ideal.

There are umpty billion genders, apparently.

The human race has only two sexes and, individually, we all have just the one: male or female

I’m very sorry your family has suffered from homophobia.

OP clearly brought gender ideology into this and from the activities run by the school it seems clear that it has contributed greatly to the OPs sons views. So if you’re serious about combating homophobia in schools you really do need to help get gender ideology out as the force teaming if LGB with TQ+ is causing huge damage to gay people. It’s a shame you can’t see it.

No adult does that. You are exaggerating, catastrophising and fear mongering massively.

Not nice.

I’m not sure what you are suggesting that no adult does?

Have you read Jhounds posts? I’m responding to her because that’s what she said she does.

I don't believe in the millions of genders thing. You're a man if you're born a man. You're a woman if you're born as a woman.

Personality is a spectrum though.

The thing with LGBTQ. You cannot force anyone to agree with it, but you can teach people to while they disagree with it personally to treat others with respect.

"You can't choose who you fall in love with" is often criticised on here when it applies to someone falling for a married man! And many aren't happy if it applies to a much older person falling in love with a much younger adult.

What do you suggest instead?
Handcuffing them to their faintly judgemental peers and not releasing them until everyone embraces the rainbow?

You can't force acceptance. And if the worst thats happening is that kids who arent comfortable are distancing themselves or being "less close friends" then that actually works out pretty well for the gay kid, because they get to form friendships with kids who don't care and dont judge them. These are the better friendships to have, not the ones that are forced.

This is absolutely correct as well.
The greatest and most insidious homophobia doing the rounds at the moment is not from bigoted heterosexuals, its not from the far right or Christianity either, its coming from gender ideolology and the TQ+.