To feel let down by DH on this holiday?

[Huntergy]

We’re a few days into a family holiday in Spain with DH, our two DDs (7 and 4) and DS (1). I was really looking forward to this - first proper trip abroad since before DS was born - but I’m starting to feel like I may as well have stayed at home for all the “break” I’m getting.

What’s tipped me over a bit today was yesterday afternoon. DS and DD2 were both absolutely done in after lunch, so I took them back to the room for a nap. Asked DH if he could keep an eye on DD1 in the pool, she was happy splashing about and I said I’d be back down in 45 mins or so.

Came back down and found DD1 sitting wrapped in a towel looking miserable. DH had apparently wandered off to the bar to watch the football, said DD1 “wasn’t in the pool anymore” so he thought it was fine. She’s SEVEN. He was a good distance away and not really paying attention. Anything could’ve happened.

When I said he’d been out of order, he got defensive and we ended up having a row. He said I was “doing my usual” and overreacting. Took himself off out last night and rolled in after 1am. We’ve barely spoken today. He’s now acting like I’ve ruined the holiday.

I’m just tired. I feel like I’m still doing all the parenting while he’s checking out completely and treating it like a lad’s weekend. I wanted us to have proper family time and it’s just not happening.

AIBU to feel completely let down? Is this just what holidays with young kids are like or is he being a selfish idiot? Be honest.

Thus is what a "normal" man would do, in my opinion.

Take DD back to the room, get her dried off and dressed.
Helped OP with the other DC and then taken them all out for meal or whatever.

Sorry OP, he's not a normal man...

No, 7yr olds do not generally "wander streets and see friends" unsupervised, nor did they commonly do so 40 years ago.

For reference, the usual consensus "starting to go to the local park with a friend" age on Mumsnet seems to be 10 or slightly before, with a phone, and not if they will be on their own at any point whilst there - and waiting until 12+ is very common.

Yeah, or even just wander off..

How can she leave him with the kids?
He's not safe!

Nor would mine, but apparently it was quite normal in the past-I remember reading that Boris Johnson's parents left all the kids in the car when they went to pubs. Can you imagine?
And if you go to holiday villages, while you're walking round the pool with your kid, there's always loads of kids going round without a parent-maybe they're SOMEWHERE in the pool complex, but personally I wouldn't let my young children be in a waterslide areas without me (or an adult I know) right next to them.
OP, can you take your mum/dad/in-laws/auntie/uncle etc on holiday maybe, so you and your husband can both get the odd break? While I would never leave the kids unsupervised, if you have grandparents they might love to go, and you can all have fun together sometimes-and a break at others, because much as you love your kids, you might enjoy a few hours relaxing. If you're a big family this might not be possible as the grandparents can't be expected to be constantly on holiday, but if you or OH don't have many siblings with kids, maybe it would work?

He is being a selfish idiot but I am betting he is no better at home but it is easier to look after the children in your own environment. Being on holiday with young children is hard work but he should be pulling his weight not sloping off to watch sports in the bar or go drinking.

He would be getting a bucket of water over his head in the morning if I were you and be told it is his turn to watch the kids but you cannot trust him to keep them safe. Maybe you should IG that this useless father prioritises sports and alcohol over the safety of his 7 year old.

And we think that they lived in groups, so there would have been at least several mums, and hopefully grandma's too, along with differing ages of children around to help. All of which would have meant a very different experience to today's mums. They probably did suffer lots of hardships, but they didn't know they were hardships, and they didn't know that it would ever be possible to live to 80+ years old, rather than about 40.

What a useless selfish twat. What he did was downright dangerous and neglectful. To leave a seven year old to entertain herself near a pool to go off and do his own thing is unforgivable. I’d say fucking leave him, but there’s a fair chance he’d be awarded contact and you’d have to worry about leaving your kids alone with someone who shouldn’t be caring for a gerbil.
Time for a serious chat and reevaluation of where you go from here.

I would also have done this!
Sorry not sorry
He's a moron. He thinks he gets to be on holiday while you parent
You have basically took an extra child to supervise

He left a 7 year old child alone at a pool to go drink.

He's a negligent parent. No reasonable person leaves a child that young unsupervised at a pool.

Does he have an alcohol problem?

He's worse than useless. He's dangerous. And he doesn't care that he's dangerous.

I would divorce.

I would have went absolutely mental. She’s a child, what if she got back into the pool? Who would have been there to make sure she was safe. He is 100% in the wrong. Children’s safety comes first. He’s acting like a tw@t

Where were the other two kids?

yanbu. So not only he leaves a 7 year old by the pool unattended, he can’t even see the error of his ways and doesn’t apologise? He doubles down on the behaviour and claims you’re unreasonable?

and he’s got what he wants now hasn’t he, to be on his own on holiday whilst you wrangle 3 small children.

I took my 10 and 7 year olds to a very shallow paddling pool (very shallow) a couple of weeks ago. I had to go and get something from the car, so I insisted ds10 get out of the pool and wait on the side until I came back. Ds7 had to come with me. I was about 3 minutes, and this was a shallow pool, not a proper swimming pool. I’d go ballistic if someone left ds7 in the way you describe. Some people are far too blasé about water safety and sounds like your dh is one of them.

This reminds me of when I went to get a flu jab when my kids were younger, I was back after less than an hour and my then husband moaned at me for apparently taking too long! He’s now an ex husband….

Another pathetic man-child...

Omg I can feel your rage and anxiety from here! Just got back from a family week away in the Canaries with DDs 7 and 5. I was on edge keeping an eye on them around the pool every time my husband went to go and do something, knowing it’s 100% on me to watch them! I am constantly checking where they are for my own anxieties - even though my eldest is a competent swimmer and I knew they were almost always together and youngest had a rubber ring! I did aqua aerobics a few times with my husband in charge of watching them and I still found myself looking towards where they were to check they were in sight 🤦🏼‍♀️ water safety is SUCH a worry and while my OH wouldn’t go to a bar and leave them unaccompanied in the water, I do feel nobody else could 100% watch them like I would 😫 he deffo took his eyes off more than once 🥴

That said, I did manage to read 4 books, have 3 siestas and a massage last week so at least I could relax at times!! I hope you get some enjoyment and relaxing time out of the rest of your holiday OP.

He's an immature arsehole sorry. If he wants a lads weekend he should take one. This is a family holiday

Leaving a 7 year old alone near water could have ended in tragedy. Either Madeline McCann or drowning.

it’s your holiday too. Of course it’s not as chilled as holidays before kids but you need to relax too and you can’t if he can’t even supervise kids. He can do nap time tomorrow and you can chill out by pool with older children.

if you do everything at home and work as well then you need to consider if you want this man child as well

But where were the little ones?

Anything could have happened to your little girl, it takes the blink of an eye. He took an awful risk with her safety and that would be it for me, I’d be done. No dad is better than one that doesn’t care.

with op back in the room

Honestly if my husband left my seven year old kid in the pool to go to the bar, we would be having a serious problem. YANBU.

You mean by water? Where she could drown?

I'm in my 70s and I was never allowed to wander the streets at the age of 7. I didn't go out with friends till I was 10.

But she put them down for a nap then came down to the pool?

@BestZebbie No, 7yr olds do not generally "wander streets and see friends" unsupervised, nor did they commonly do so 40 years ago.

Of course you did. What do you think you did in your free time? You definitely weren't sitting indoors all of the time; your parents would never have tolerated that.

For reference, the usual consensus "starting to go to the local park with a friend" age on Mumsnet seems to be 10 or slightly before, with a phone, and not if they will be on their own at any point whilst there - and waiting until 12+ is very common.

With a phone?

Yet, when we were children, there were no phones, and we seemed to get on fine... we just returned home after a few hours.

Imagine a world where if he had just said sorry and that it wont happan again you'd both be fine. But no its more important to this prick to make you out to be the bad guy then just accept it was wrong to leave the child alone..