Parents who admit to extreme gender disappointment makes me shudder

[Lavenderforest]

Prepared to be told I’m awful and judgemental

& going to call this gender disappointment because that’s what the majority call it

I’m going to call this extreme gender disappointment because I believe it’s normal and acceptable to have a bit of a preference. I don’t think it’s bad to admit you would have loved a daughter but you’re happy with your 2 sons. I don’t think it’s bad to say you have a feeling you’re going to have a girl but you’d quite like a boy but either way, healthy baby is what’s important.

What I can’t stand, and gives me the ick, is when people are so devastated and “shocked” that they’re having a certain gender to the point where they cry, and say they’re heartbroken and can’t bond with their baby. They can’t see any good in having a daughter, they list 50 negatives to having a girl (all stereotypes) and admit to being seething.

I have also witnessed videos of soon to be parents crying and face like thunder that they’re having “another boy…”. Makes me cringe thinking they post that online for all to see.

And I am really sorry to say I do find it uncomfortable when you hear of couples who continuously try for another baby JUST because they want a girl. “We’ve got 5 boys but I want to try, just one more time for my daughter”. If it’s the only reason to have a baby. I do find it odd.

What are your opinions?

100% hard agree OP

I’ve just witnessed another video online of a woman admitting she would have never tried for a baby if she knew she’d be having a boy. That’s what made me write this post.

I agree with you.

I have 2 boys and I’d have loved a girl but I absolutely adore my boys and I wouldn’t swap either of them.

People who keep trying to get a certain gender give me the major ick. I don’t like that it’s become normalised to publicly admit that you’re desperate for a girl (for example) either.

I think you get what you’re meant to have.

Absolutely. Don't bother getting pregnant if you've got this many issues to work through.

I don’t know if I’m being sceptical but I assume that some of the gender disappointment videos are posted online to make money and have to include a big reaction to get the views. I find it bizarre when people post them online - especially the ones with children who are forced to guess a sex beforehand too.

I'm always shocked that people on one hand will reel off how men are the main cause of death to women, most likely to be killed by partner, son, step son etc (all true) but then the very same people will be judgemental of others who are disappointed having boys!

Totally agree. Imagine growing up and seeing your parents weeping and wailing online about the very prospect of your existence because you are “wrong” before you are even born. Don’t deserve to be parents.

Could not agree more. Don’t have girls, didnt want girls (but really didn’t care either way). It also doesn’t mean that all women want girls either. I wanted a healthy baby thats it.

I actually think extreme gender preference is beyond disgusting, discriminatory, awful, potentially dangerous to the child and so ridiculous.

Completely agree too. I had two boys, was a tiny bit sad one wasn't a girl. I decided I wanted a third child, but I did not decide to have a third child until I was 100% certain I would be thrilled with another boy.

As it was I got a girl, and that was very strange and took some time to get my head around during pregnancy as I was in boy mode. But I am happy with all of my children,

I think people need counselling for this. Ideally before deciding to have kids, but they might not realise how strong their feelings are until getting pregnant unfortunately.

In which case they need to have counselling once they’ve found out so as not to pass on any issues to the child.

Children are so much more than their gender!

In the midst of TTC after a miscarriage at 38, my current feeling is I would punch them if I encountered it IRL

I’ve never seen this in real life and am going to be cynical about online videos designed to outrage. I’d curate your social media feeds a bit better, OP.

That’s awful! Just imagine if her son saw that video in the future.

The trying one more time reminds me of people with a gambling addiction!

I agree it can be taboo. But ultimately people can’t help how they feel. To make your disappointment so obvious especially on social media is where I draw the line.

I totally understand people can have strong preference though, but it’s hard to hear for people who have trouble conceiving or have lost a child etc

Oh dear, you wouldn't like me then. During my entire pregnancy I was in total spiralling, almost suicidal, panic regarding the sex of my unborn child. It was so bad I couldn't even hold the baby once born despite it being the sex I actually wanted (I didn't have sex scans and waited until birth).

Multiple health professionals put it down to the death of my other baby. The mind is exceedingly powerful and cannot always be diverted by logic. Or even your judgmental ick.

My husband and I are struggling with infertility and doing ivf. Two friends have told us they are pregnant and then followed up with their disappointment at expecting boys not girls. Not extreme by any means. But read the room gang? Especially as while we (obviously in the circs!) would just love a healthy baby if we had to share a preference it would probably be for a boy!

Totally agree. It's always based on horrible stereotypes and so often it's poor baby boys being mourned because a mother had some fantasy of a little Mini Me Best Friend Princess and can't find it in herself to be excited about a boy. It's really awful.

I hope that in most cases it resolves once the baby is born but sometimes it doesn't and it's so sad for the kids.

I agree. All that matters is the baby is healthy and happy. A mild preference is fine, shock and horror isn’t.

I find it incredibly icky when people continually have kids just to get a specific gender. Like what better way to tell your other 5 boys that you wouldn't have wanted them let alone tried to conceive them if you weren't so incredibly desperate for a girl (or vice versa naturally)

I always assume said families are really messed up behind doors and perhaps just hide it very well, as I can't imagine the parents having that kind of attitude and it NOT affecting the undesired children in some capacity

I couldn’t agree more, I think people who have an extreme preference have no business having children.

I have seen it in real life, someone I worked with has a boy, he was 12 weeks old before she would bath him and kept posting about her disappointment on social media.

she split up with her husband when he was about 10 and the child is with the dad 95% on the time. He’s 17 now and apparently always knew how she felt.

I'm very sorry for your loss. OP is so clearly not talking about you or your extremely specific and sad circumstances. I hope you have been able to find peace and healing.

I think that gender disappointment wouldn’t be so bad if it was 50/50 boy/girl split but it seems very unbalanced.
It’s also shocking how many men don’t realise that sperm determines biological sex.

You’re seeing these on your feed because the algorithm has decided its content you enjoy

Its all fake and designed to whip up more faux outrage, don’t fall for it.

It is odd to try for a baby and be absolutely devastated and not be able to bond with your child because you’re having a boy.

we’re not talking being judgemental of people who are a bit disappointed to have a boy, we’re talking extreme behaviour.

No one has a baby and thinks will they be a murderer one day