Parents who admit to extreme gender disappointment makes me shudder

[Lavenderforest]

Prepared to be told I’m awful and judgemental

& going to call this gender disappointment because that’s what the majority call it

I’m going to call this extreme gender disappointment because I believe it’s normal and acceptable to have a bit of a preference. I don’t think it’s bad to admit you would have loved a daughter but you’re happy with your 2 sons. I don’t think it’s bad to say you have a feeling you’re going to have a girl but you’d quite like a boy but either way, healthy baby is what’s important.

What I can’t stand, and gives me the ick, is when people are so devastated and “shocked” that they’re having a certain gender to the point where they cry, and say they’re heartbroken and can’t bond with their baby. They can’t see any good in having a daughter, they list 50 negatives to having a girl (all stereotypes) and admit to being seething.

I have also witnessed videos of soon to be parents crying and face like thunder that they’re having “another boy…”. Makes me cringe thinking they post that online for all to see.

And I am really sorry to say I do find it uncomfortable when you hear of couples who continuously try for another baby JUST because they want a girl. “We’ve got 5 boys but I want to try, just one more time for my daughter”. If it’s the only reason to have a baby. I do find it odd.

What are your opinions?

Sure, men are more likely to commit violent crimes than women. They're also more likely to be on the front lines in an emergency situation i.e. firefighters or soldiers protecting their country. Just think of Ukraine - they'd have been wiped out by Russia in days if it weren't for all the men (and a small minority of women) who fought back.

@AutumnFoxe I’ve just given birth to a little boy so I’ve been on the pregnancy boards regularly and there is a thread almost every week of someone disappointed they are having a boy. The reasons for their disappointment are never ever “I’m worried that they will be a perpetrator of violent crimes”
it’s usually things like “grandchildren aren’t as close to their grandparents on the fathers side” or “boys are messy” , “I hate sports” and other ridiculous reasons.

Also, why do people ask children what sex they would prefer their new sibling to be? Aren't you setting them up to set their heart on one sex and then be disappointed. When I was pregnant we just told my four year old DD that Mummy was growing a baby in her tummy. She was asked by numerous people whether she wanted a baby brother or a baby sister ... she used to give them a withering look and say "you don't get to choose, you know, you just get whatever they give you when you get to the hospital"

Your 4 year old will go far.

I predict she would make a good PM.

Exactly this. And if you feel so strongly that men are awful that you'd be disappointed to have a son then don't have a child. Chances are if you DO have a boy you'll end up messing him up with your disappointment and stereotyping and he'll be more likely to grow up with issues.

100% agree @Lavenderforest .

Someone with the disordered thinking you describe in your OP is frankly too sexist to be a fit parent and should have mandatory training in how not to let sexist stereotypes destroy your children's wellbeing.

Ill admit i was pissed off discovering it was having a boy with my 1st (only because my 2 stepsons lived with us and the oldest insisted on having their own room so unless my baby was a girl it was going to have to share with the younger one who was a nightmare)
Once he was born I was over the moon with him. I had a daughter 2nd, then 2 more sons ( who i absolutely adore also)

It would be so much better if you couldn’t find out what you were having - be grateful for a healthy baby.
So many posters referring to needing to know do they can get the nursery and clothing ready! New born babies don’t sleep in a nursery; they sleep with their parents and a nursery is just a bedroom so no special preparation required. As for clothes, let’s get away from the awful pink for a girl and blue for a boy nonsense and just buy clothes suitable for a baby

I don’t have enough time to read the entire thread (have read all of OP’s posts and some others), but just wanted to say that while I agree with majority I do also have empathy for people with strong preferences because I feel like there’s a deeply rooted cause for it. It could be abuse in childhood by one sex, their parents or grandparents drilling it into their heads so they’re psychologically scarred, pregnancy hormones causing mental health problems etc. I don’t think people with gender disappointment wake up one morning and choose to feel the way they do, I think some of them feel awful and would love to stop but don’t know how. So I think it’s wrong to judge anyone for their feelings - I just hope they can get help to overcome it and have support from people in their lives who will listen without judgment.

I also agree with poster who said you’re seeing these videos because you’ve watched similar before OP so maybe don’t click on them/report content is not for you if it triggers you. I completely understand people who cannot have children find these things incredibly difficult to hear/see so yes, know your audience and be careful what you voice out loud sometimes.
I also think many of these videos are exaggerated/fake because they know people are triggered and therefore more likely to comment/click on it.

I will admit I had slight preference while pregnant because I was losing my mum to an illness at quite a young age and she was my best friend. I was desperate to try to keep that mother-daughter bond going in another form. I was scared of voicing these feelings so held it all inside. When my firstborn came along I was momentarily stunned he was in fact a he.
I did go on to having a girl next and funnily enough I have always felt closer to my son- what I’ve realised is that connection is based on personality traits, not what’s between your legs. But some people need help coming to that realisation and that’s okay… we all struggle sometimes in life and sometimes it’s not rational because we are actually mentally unwell at the time and can’t switch off.

My ex sister in law had this & it 100% falls under mental illness I reckon so it's hard to judge as they're not really in control of it (obviously posting it online is different)

I'm the 3rd of 4 girls - my parents wanted a boy. When I was born my dad looked at me and went back to work. I was emotionally neglected during my childhood and very obviously the scapegoat of the family.
Totally agree with you OP it's horrendous.

@Motomum23 sorry to hear that. That's very sad. I know of other cases like this. I have a friend who is the 6th son.his parents just kept having children in the hope of a girl. They gave up after his younger brother.
Also my MIL makes no secret of the fact she wanted DH to be a second girl. She even talks about the fact that he was meant to be "Lucy" now. His sister has ALWAYS been the favourite.