Page 28 | To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

Original poster

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 22:34

Poetnojo · 08/07/2025 22:33

Reading this thread has been a real eye opener.
Plenty of people on this site are quick to give advice to LTB, I guess it should come with a caveat in future, only LTB if you never intend on having more children in the future and never ever going on holidays without all of them together.

Isn’t that the truth!

OP posts:

dumbo67 · 08/07/2025 22:41

Poetnojo · 08/07/2025 22:33

Reading this thread has been a real eye opener.
Plenty of people on this site are quick to give advice to LTB, I guess it should come with a caveat in future, only LTB if you never intend on having more children in the future and never ever going on holidays without all of them together.

Or perhaps LTB and protect your kids, but also be prepared to damage them irreparably by getting divorced.

anotherwordforit · 08/07/2025 22:44

dumbo67 · 08/07/2025 22:41

Or perhaps LTB and protect your kids, but also be prepared to damage them irreparably by getting divorced.

Show quote history

Or just, y’know, not book holidays including all your children except one..

Needhelp101 · 08/07/2025 22:45

OP, why do you want to go on a 'family' holiday without your son?
And yes, I have two teenagers. I still love to go on holiday with them.

Original poster

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 22:55

I’d just like to add - no one has the perfect life, no one is a perfect person, there is no manual to life, yes statistics are there to perhaps give guidance, but we are all learning. No one knows everything, no one can guarantee how another is or isn’t going to be affected by something. yet so many people are adamant that people are in the wrong, potentially based on their own experiences.

I was asking for guidance and opinions on a thought I had, and then tried to discuss to understand different viewpoints. Thank you to those who were polite. I have taken on board what people have said and it has altered certain viewpoints and made me think about other things.

To those who were rude, judgmental, and continued to make incorrect assumptions - is there any need to make hurtful and incorrect comments about a person that you don’t even know? Being kind doesn’t do any harm.

OP posts:

Needhelp101 · 08/07/2025 22:58

OP, why do you want to go on holiday without your son?

MyWarmOchreHare · 08/07/2025 23:02

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 13:08

But equally, he would be bonding and making memories with his dad and family whilst abroad with them would he not?

He has two full families. He has step parents and half siblings on both sides. If he’s having a wonderful time on holiday with his “dad family”, then why would it be so detrimental to him if his “mum family” was also abroad? He would be making memories with his half brother from his dad’s side, rather than his half sisters from his mum’s side. Equally he does have plenty of beautiful holidays and travel experiences with us. No?

Show quote history

No. If you ex took his youngest son on holiday and excluded your DS, would you think that that was okay?

Plus, he's not going away with his dad anyway!

Original poster

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 23:03

MyWarmOchreHare · 08/07/2025 23:02

No. If you ex took his youngest son on holiday and excluded your DS, would you think that that was okay?

Plus, he's not going away with his dad anyway!

Show quote history

Yes I would.

OP posts:

MyWarmOchreHare · 08/07/2025 23:05

Poetnojo · 08/07/2025 22:33

Reading this thread has been a real eye opener.
Plenty of people on this site are quick to give advice to LTB, I guess it should come with a caveat in future, only LTB if you never intend on having more children in the future and never ever going on holidays without all of them together.

Most people don't holiday with only some of their kids, regardless of whether they’re with the same father.

MyWarmOchreHare · 08/07/2025 23:07

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 23:03

Yes I would.

Show quote history

Fair enough. Would DS be happy with it? I can’t see how a child could know their parent and siblings were choosing to go on holiday without them and not be hurt. I’d have been absolutely gutted.

MrsPCR · 08/07/2025 23:15

Omg, when I first read this, I thought the child was OP/mum’s step-son. Which would still be quite harsh but then I re-read and realised this is her son! Omg, I have 3 and can’t imagine telling one you’re not coming because we can’t afford it! How do you choose which child!? You actuallY have 3 children. Even if the third had technically been step, you would still have 3 children!

Finallyfree41 · 08/07/2025 23:21

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 12:28

DS(14) is from a previous relationship and spends approximately 1/3rd of his time with his dad. I also have 2 DD’s (9 and 4) with DP.

The 5 of us went on an amazing long haul holiday for 3 weeks over the Easter holidays.

I would love to book a week away over the school summer holidays - but a cheaper, last minute sort of thing as the other holiday was an expensive one (and the main holiday of the year). however the price for all 5 of us is too much; but we could afford the cost for 2 adults and 2 DD’s.

As well as his usual days each week, DS is spending a full week with his dad over one of the school holiday weeks. His dad had previously told me that he was looking to take him abroad, but I don’t think that is now materialising. There’s still the possibility that they may have a UK break instead.

Would I be unreasonable to book a holiday abroad for myself, DP and 2 DD’s for the same week that DS is going to spend the week with his dad?

It feels slightly wrong to go without him, but I also think that he is with his dad for the week who will be taking him places/potentially going away so he’s still going to be having a good time/having experiences etc.

We can’t afford to go away a different week and take him with us. So it’s the difference between going without him whilst he’s with his dad, and not going at all.

Aibu to think that whilst he’s with his dad, it’s his dads responsibility to take him away/plan things to do with him for the week and to not feel guilty if we take DD’s away?

I have a ‘blended family’ we have taken the stance that whatever my children’s father dies for them is none of our business, and the same applies to my step daughters mother. What matters to us is that they are reared equally when under our roof. That way they will know they are all lived equally by us. I personally could never ever leave one child out (unless they were an adult) but even then I’d invite them!

winemonster · 08/07/2025 23:29

app Is glitching so apologies if been asked and answered already. Will you potentially incorporate your son into the cost of a family holiday? Personally I could never ever leave my child out of any of our family activities/holidays. They would always be included automatically unless we discussed and they wanted otherwise. I just can’t fathom it otherwise personally.

Danni86OCV · 08/07/2025 23:49

I have 3 children my eldest 2 have a different dad and I couldn't imagine taking just the younger child away without all of us going! I choose to have 3 children knowing the cost of things would be more so why should they loose out. I want to add that my 2 oldest do go on holiday with their dad and step mum but I could not go away without them seems so unfair they are my family regardless. I would be heartbroken if this was me!

Danni86OCV · 08/07/2025 23:53

I have 3 children my eldest 2 have a different dad and I couldn't imagine taking just the younger child away without all of us going! I choose to have 3 children knowing the cost of things would be more so why should they loose out x

Milosc · 09/07/2025 01:25

OP, have you asked your DS what he thinks about it? He may not be bothered at all or he might be upset. Maybe say to him we were thinking of taking a trip when you are with your dad but didn't want you to feel left out. Would you be okay with it? He is old enough to give his opinion and you to respect it. That is really the only way you will know if it is okay for you and your family.

Kristy20 · 09/07/2025 03:51

There are plenty of fun trips you could take within the UK while DS is with his Dad. An overseas trip without him seems highly unfair. If you can’t afford to go abroad with all three kids, wait and save until you can.

If not, DS will likely remember you going away without him far more than any fun things he gets to do with his Dad, and could lead to insecurity about his place in your ‘New’ family.

CelestialCandyfloss · 09/07/2025 06:47

You keep changing your viewpoint, that he could possibly be going on holiday with his dads family, then maybe not??
Regardless of the variables, going away without him when he's only 14 is a crappy thing to do.

BusyMum47 · 09/07/2025 06:50

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 12:41

Those who say it’s wrong, would your answer change if he WAS also going abroad with his dad, step mum and brother from his dad and step mum?

Yes. ⬆️ But he's not. Which you know. So......

dumbo67 · 09/07/2025 07:10

Kristy20 · 09/07/2025 03:51

There are plenty of fun trips you could take within the UK while DS is with his Dad. An overseas trip without him seems highly unfair. If you can’t afford to go abroad with all three kids, wait and save until you can.

If not, DS will likely remember you going away without him far more than any fun things he gets to do with his Dad, and could lead to insecurity about his place in your ‘New’ family.

What’s the difference between a UK holiday and going abroad? Memories are still made, fun is still had (hopefully). I don’t understand the logic here. Most posters are saying it’s selfish, unfair, bad parenting to have an abroad holiday without him but it’s fine to go somewhere in the UK? Why?

Maybe the op should do nothing during the time her son is away. Stay indoors and stare at walls so she doesn’t damage him anymore than she already has be selfishly splitting up with the kids dad.

Kristy20 · 09/07/2025 07:17

The difference is that the son may also be holidaying within the UK, so if Mum and family also remain in the UK, no-one is really missing out.

If they go abroad without DS, he is missing out, because the reality is that a holiday abroad will include locations, environments, food, and experiences that aren’t readily available in one’s home country.

ThatCyanCat · 09/07/2025 07:23

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 22:55

I’d just like to add - no one has the perfect life, no one is a perfect person, there is no manual to life, yes statistics are there to perhaps give guidance, but we are all learning. No one knows everything, no one can guarantee how another is or isn’t going to be affected by something. yet so many people are adamant that people are in the wrong, potentially based on their own experiences.

I was asking for guidance and opinions on a thought I had, and then tried to discuss to understand different viewpoints. Thank you to those who were polite. I have taken on board what people have said and it has altered certain viewpoints and made me think about other things.

To those who were rude, judgmental, and continued to make incorrect assumptions - is there any need to make hurtful and incorrect comments about a person that you don’t even know? Being kind doesn’t do any harm.

Ffs, just don't leave one kid behind when you take the others away. And if you decide to ask the public whether you should and start insisting, against a 94% consensus, that it is indeed a great idea, accept that you're going to hear some stuff you don't like. If you're this stung because a bunch of strangers think your idea is bad (it is) then imagine how horrible your son will feel when his mother takes her second family and jets off without him.

whygodwhy · 09/07/2025 07:41

No never … all of you or don’t go x

dumbo67 · 09/07/2025 07:45

Kristy20 · 09/07/2025 07:17

The difference is that the son may also be holidaying within the UK, so if Mum and family also remain in the UK, no-one is really missing out.

If they go abroad without DS, he is missing out, because the reality is that a holiday abroad will include locations, environments, food, and experiences that aren’t readily available in one’s home country.

But he might not care about eating foreign food or seeing cultural places. Many kids aren’t interested in that sort of stuff. A holiday is a holiday to them. I would feel bad going abroad knowing that my ds was going to be at his dads all week not doing much but if I knew he was going away too it’s completely different. And it shouldn’t be about the holiday destination either (barring something like Disney World or similar).

There are so many posters tying themselves in knots and caveats here it’s become quite comical.

PetiteBlondeDuBoulevardBrune · 09/07/2025 07:56

As I know of other people that go away without a child whilst said child goes away with the other parent, I didn’t realise that so many other people would see this as wrong as they do. So when I say about saving money, again I didn’t think so many people would be up in arms about it

I think the issue here is that you would be choosing this week on purpose. If you were invited to a wedding abroad or were given tickets to an event for a week he was at his dad’s, then it would be ok to go IMO, but choosing on purpose a week when he is away is not OK.