To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

[Suncloudstars]

DS(14) is from a previous relationship and spends approximately 1/3rd of his time with his dad. I also have 2 DD’s (9 and 4) with DP.

The 5 of us went on an amazing long haul holiday for 3 weeks over the Easter holidays.

I would love to book a week away over the school summer holidays - but a cheaper, last minute sort of thing as the other holiday was an expensive one (and the main holiday of the year). however the price for all 5 of us is too much; but we could afford the cost for 2 adults and 2 DD’s.

As well as his usual days each week, DS is spending a full week with his dad over one of the school holiday weeks. His dad had previously told me that he was looking to take him abroad, but I don’t think that is now materialising. There’s still the possibility that they may have a UK break instead.

Would I be unreasonable to book a holiday abroad for myself, DP and 2 DD’s for the same week that DS is going to spend the week with his dad?

It feels slightly wrong to go without him, but I also think that he is with his dad for the week who will be taking him places/potentially going away so he’s still going to be having a good time/having experiences etc.

We can’t afford to go away a different week and take him with us. So it’s the difference between going without him whilst he’s with his dad, and not going at all.

Aibu to think that whilst he’s with his dad, it’s his dads responsibility to take him away/plan things to do with him for the week and to not feel guilty if we take DD’s away?

Not that you’re going to, but If you read the whole thread, there’s definitely more than enough comments to imply that I’m a terrible person for even thinking this. So yes, people are.

Not as negative as being part of a family where the parents are at best unhappy or at worst actively dislike each other. There is so much judgement on blended/separated families on this site. Not every child from a ‘broken home’ is doomed to have issues from it. Of course in an ideal world it wouldn’t happen but life is unpredictable and those suggesting the op (and her ex of course, don’t forget him) are selfish and feckless and raising a child who will be emotionally damaged because they split, are sadly out of touch with reality.

Op, you are now making this all about you. You need to make more effort with your son to ensure he never ever feels pushed out, not less. Waiting until he is busy and quickly booking a holiday is going to give the message that he isn’t really wanted or included. It should be his choice, and his choice only to stop family holidays when he feels too old for them. Only then would it be okay to go away with the younger dc. YABVU to have such a victim complex about it. This is not about your feelings or choices, but how to make your son feel completely welcome now you have a new family, he has been through enough.

Maybe Dad’s adopted the same mindset and is hoping OP is taking son abroad so he, stepmum and other child can have a guilt-free DS-free holiday too!

You very clear has said unlikely to materialise

so you’ve dedicated your day to arguing on mumsnet about a scenario that is “unlikely” and you “don’t think is materialising”

I don’t agree with any of this. Again, assumptions and judgments have been made here.

Unlikely doesn’t mean definitely not happening. Surely I don’t need to explain probability to an adult? There’s still the chance it can happen; even more of a chance that a UK holiday can happen. And as previously mentioned, I was also asking so that it would be beneficial for future situations that might arise.

discussed; not argued.

Resorting to bullying tactics? You must be a lovely person. You must have a wonderfully perfect, happy life too.

Grow up.

Funnily enough you seem to have dedicated an awful lot of time to this post yourself…I wonder why…

So he hasn’t suffered? I think you are distorting the truth op.

She's since said she's no longer considering it unless her ex is definitely taking him away.

.

Come again?

Obviously there’ll have been times along the way where there has been the odd little issue here and there; but not to the extent that a lot of posters are referring to.

What’s to explain?

But it shouldn’t be whatever his dad is doing. It needs to be 2 separate things. You need to holiday as a family of 5.

Pointing out that you generally seem a bit upset and angry?

I have posted 6 times
versus your

….

76!

That's awful!! Don't do this.

Well wouldn’t you after a load of strangers have just basically accused you of being a shit person?

and I’m not referring to the well-meaning posters.

Sometimes one child won't enjoy what another child would. So say she planned a trip to Peppa Pig World, dragging her son around with her to 'not leave him out' would be detrimental to her son.

Some kids don't enjoy camping, some do. Some kids only like going on holiday if they have their own room. Some don't enjoy beach holidays some do.

As a parent it's best to tailor things to your child's needs not drag everyone around regardless.

She doesn't need to only holiday as a family of five that's ridiculous. She obviously knows her son better than you do, she can tailor things to suit everyone.

Because I’ve tried to answer people’s questions.

You asked for opinions and you got them , it's mean of you to leave him out , end of .

Sorry I must say.

OP you came to mumsnet for an opinion. You have then criticised every opinion that has gone against your own true feelings.

Noone is ever going to say its fine.

The only people's opinion/ input should be your son's and possibly his dad if he can manage a holiday with him. The son may not want to go/ he may have plans. But the one thing he will thank you for is not trusting him to be grown up enough to have an opinion.

My 12 yo, would relish the idea of his sibs going on holiday without him especially if he had plans. But teen boy minds are delicate. Show him love and respect and he will provide you with the input you need.

Stop arguing with musnetters about it