To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

[Suncloudstars]

DS(14) is from a previous relationship and spends approximately 1/3rd of his time with his dad. I also have 2 DD’s (9 and 4) with DP.

The 5 of us went on an amazing long haul holiday for 3 weeks over the Easter holidays.

I would love to book a week away over the school summer holidays - but a cheaper, last minute sort of thing as the other holiday was an expensive one (and the main holiday of the year). however the price for all 5 of us is too much; but we could afford the cost for 2 adults and 2 DD’s.

As well as his usual days each week, DS is spending a full week with his dad over one of the school holiday weeks. His dad had previously told me that he was looking to take him abroad, but I don’t think that is now materialising. There’s still the possibility that they may have a UK break instead.

Would I be unreasonable to book a holiday abroad for myself, DP and 2 DD’s for the same week that DS is going to spend the week with his dad?

It feels slightly wrong to go without him, but I also think that he is with his dad for the week who will be taking him places/potentially going away so he’s still going to be having a good time/having experiences etc.

We can’t afford to go away a different week and take him with us. So it’s the difference between going without him whilst he’s with his dad, and not going at all.

Aibu to think that whilst he’s with his dad, it’s his dads responsibility to take him away/plan things to do with him for the week and to not feel guilty if we take DD’s away?

And so what? You're going to wait for your ex to decide on what he's doing before you book your holiday?

Everyone keeps saying it @Suncloudstars but why don't you just let him have his week with his dad (on holiday or not) and then have a week away in the UK (or a cheaper European holiday) with all 3 of your children?

Or is it your DH who doesn't want him to come on this trip?

I’ve literally just said that I’m trying to reign in the finances due to lots of big recent expenditure. In response to those who were implying that I literally couldn’t afford to have three children.

The younger children are the reason you can't afford a family holiday, because if you didn't have them you could, your costs go up the more children you have. But it is the older child who can't go on the holiday!

Because it's not his fault he has two families and shouldn't be left out of either one.

I dont think it matters if he went on 10 holidays with his Dad this year, its spiteful of you to exclude him from your family holiday.

It's not about how many times he's been abroad this year, its about missing spending time on holiday with his mothers side of the family. Im from a blended family, and if my mother did this when I was that age I would be really hurt.

So why go on another abroad holiday if you're so strapped for cash? Why not just go in the UK where you can perhaps afford to squeeze your son in?

I don’t think OP’s said her contact schedule, but if it’s 50/50, does that mean her daughters are never supposed to do anything fun for 50% of their time?

Awful. Why would you want to go with 2/3s of your kids anyway?
Dont even know why I’m bothering to reply because you clearly think you’re in the right and aren’t interested in opinions anyway! Why bother posting. Your poor son.

I have the same family set up as you . I wouldn't think twice if my son was going abroad with his dad same week but I wouldn't if he was just at home with his dad bored .

i would also prob still go if he was having a uk holidays with his dad especially as you have already taken him abroad .

Of course not. But a trip to the park/soft play is different to a fucking all inclusive week in Portugal isn’t it!

So the answer is that you go on a cheaper holiday. Not leave one of your children behind.

Why are you asking whether you're being unreasonable, then becoming defensive when people explain why you're being unreasonable...

Perhaps you could stay home and DH and the three kids can go away together?

Massive difference. They have full siblings who are all in the same boat. The exclusion and isolation is not the same.

Trying to convince yourself? Or he's in a minority. Most kids want to live with both their parents. Maybe he's telling you what you want to hear.

Bloody hell.

This.
or just pay the higher cost for him and find a way to reign in finances at another point.

You’re making assumptions.

People live to their means.

also, I’m not sure if you’re a family of 5 with one being a teenager, but the jump in cost from 2 adults and 2 children, to 3 adults and 2 children, (also going from
one hotel room to two due to capacity) is a huge financial difference.

YABU ..I have 2 teenage stepsons who have never been abroad ..we also have a DD together and although alot cheaper i would never consider me, DH and DD going away without them ..we all go or no one goes

How could it cost so much more to take one extra child?
If you can afford to bring them to Asia, move house and buy new cars how can one child's ticket be so unaffordable?

Then go to a different hotel. Or a different country. Get a villa instead of a hotel. Eurocamp. Haven. There's so many options to consider before jumping to leaving DS behind.

I have 3 children and the cost goes up as its rare you can fit 5 in a hotel room. Some hotel chains like accor offer a second room half price for larger families.
If this was his only holiday this year I'd say yes definitely yabu but he may be holidayed out with all the travel and just want to chill. You could try asking him, he's 14 so likely to have an opinion. Still think you could air bnb somewhere cheaply in Europe for 5 and cut costs by driving there

If you haven’t heard the resounding YABU and still trying to work it out - you never will !!!!!!!

this is the best example of a circular convo I have seen on here in along time !

…. yeah but …. ?? 😂😂

Fuck me.

You CHOSE to have 3 children with the age differences you've got!!!! You can't just leave one out because he's older and you can't afford him anymore!!!!!!

What would you do if all 3 were "full" siblings? Could you afford to take all 3 on holiday or not?! Or if your DSs dad wasn't in the picture? What would you do then?!

OP I think if DSS is going abroad with his other parent at the exact same time and will have had equal trips abroad this year then I think it's probably okay, but maybe you should discuss it with him first and see how he feels about it?

Maybe give him a say in it instead of blindsided him, say you understand if he doesn't want you to go without him and maybe have a budget caravan break in the UK instead.

As a teenager he may think, yeah thats fine and not be bothered, or may be devastated to miss a family trip since he loves you. But I think his opinion and feelings should be part of the decision making process.

Your assumptions are incorrect and judgmental. In no way have I said “im
rich” - I’m not.

I am aware of everything you’ve said.