Aware of Head Teacher and Teacher affair

[GlitterGold7]

Name changed for this. I’ve become aware that the HT of my DC’s primary school is having an affair with one of the teachers. Both are married.

Would you do anything with this information? It feels utterly morally bankrupt that the HT is abusing his position like this, and I feel so sorry for the partners involved.

I would keep quiet.
Sooner or later it will come out. It's not something I could get het up about.
Unless there is a huge age disparity eg a nqt who is 22. But even then...

How on earth is that comparable?

In your example their relationship is out in the open, so if one was getting perks or avoiding scrutiny from the other senior person it would be very obvious to all.

Transparency is the issue, not necessarily morals.

The HT of my 2 DS 8yo and 6 yo school was having an affair with a TA, both married and it was incredibly obvious to everyone. We let the other teachers take it into their hands and he got fired. If it’s clear and known to you it will be clear and known to everyone else.

This is so stunningly beyond the point ...

Well yes generally speaking they work for society but that doesn’t give a member of the general public the right to question them. Leave it to HR.
This mentality would explain why some parents think they have the right to make so many demands on schools. It’s a service paid for by taxes to educate the masses in the cheapest way possible. It’s not bespoke tuition, for that you have to pay again!

Yet the government still provides a code of standards for them, which includes personal and professional conduct.

Of course it's for HR (or governors really) to deal with, but they still need to be alerted that there's an issue.

'Code of conduct doesn't say do not have sex'

Oh is the op 'are teachers allowed to have sex'?

No. The op is a married head teacher is shagging a junior married member of staff. A potential abuse of their power and a potential massive headache when it all goes tits up.

This surely makes things awks for their colleagues too?

what's it got to do with you?

A Jeremy Kyle style lie detector and/or DNA test. With the results read out in front of a whole school assembly.

Nothing else will cut it

Transparency isn't the OP's issue. She's accusing them of being unable to teach properly because they're too busy thinking about shagging each other. Which would be the same as the example given here, hence it is comparable and apt. Lots of teachers are in various kinds of adult relationships. It doesn't stop them doing their jobs or make them a moral threat to the children they teach.

No need to do anything. Someone will talk and it will all come out before summer is over. (Don’t be the person who talks - it’s not your business!)

Because there is a conflict of interest.

in a typical relationship, everyone is aware of the conflict so protocols can be established. In a ‘secret’ and especially in an affair situation there is massive scope for issues such as the teacher not being held properly to account if parents complain about their teaching or conduct, the teacher receiving undeserved promotions to HOD etc.

it’s the same as in any corporate structure. In many industries it even goes so far that one person has to move departments or companies to avoid conflicts of interest. And that’s in public relationships. Not secret affairs where dubious behaviours involving protection and favouritism are even more likely

If their colleagues have a work issue related to this, they can raise it with the governors, it's not down to the OP to imagine said issues and stick her beak in.

Nothing to do with you. No position is being 'abused'. Keep out of it and stop being so nosy.

Not your business. They could be in open or broken marriages. Plus being seen in a hotel doesn't equal affair they could have been away on a course teachers do occasionally leave the school grounds

OMG. A motorway service station.

Definitely rogering.

This isn’t about sex or morals. It is about power and, potentially, objectivity.

I don’t think the sighting described by OP counts as good evidence of an affair. I and many other (monogamous) people in my field would be tarred with the same brush by this reasoning.

IF there is an affair, it is no one’s business until the classroom teacher is involved in a conflict. Unless the affair is declared to the Governors, any child, teacher or parent on the other half of the conflict cannot be assured of a fair hearing and they will never know why. Even if the conflict is escalated to the Governors, their first step will be to go to the HT for his/her view. Accusations of an affair from the other party at that stage will not be well received.

Also, if the declaration to the Governors is confidential, I do not understand how complaints would work. Does the teacher say to the other party ‘Take that up with the Govs, not the HT’? This is an admission of the affair. For the same reason I can’t see anyone else saying it.

So if indeed there is a secret affair, I think this is a mess. The only solution is to make it public. This removes my objections concerning behaviour towards others, as the teacher can be managed by others.

Usually flings, relationships, affairs etc do not have any impact on making things awkward. What does is parents thinking that teachers aren't entitled to a private life and getting involved in their business and spreading gossip.

What is does do is cause staff to have resentment, distrust and disrespect to leadership.

😂😂Followed by a Daily Fail sad face story from the parents about how their teacher was daydreaming about her next secret hotel meeting instead of teaching phonics.

🤣🤣🤣 (in place of the missing 😆 reaction).

Nothing just like two staff members fucking doesn't do that either.

It does if it's the headteacher

'Don't get caught at Burger King at the M6 services'

This is code for swinging.

Obviously.

I was a teacher in a pretty prestigious primary school. The headteacher (married) was well known to have shagged a teacher. A few years after that he and the (also married) secretary were caught coming out of one of the classrooms looking pretty dishevelled during a staff BBQ after school. Luckily no kids in the building! I must admit as a lover of gossip, the fallout was spectacular.

Leave it alone OP.