Aware of Head Teacher and Teacher affair

[GlitterGold7]

Name changed for this. I’ve become aware that the HT of my DC’s primary school is having an affair with one of the teachers. Both are married.

Would you do anything with this information? It feels utterly morally bankrupt that the HT is abusing his position like this, and I feel so sorry for the partners involved.

Exactly this.

@GlitterGold7 I think if you were the one who actually saw them, you should ask to speak to the head, explain what you saw (with no judgement), and ask for reassurance that the relationship has been disclosed to the governors.

If you weren’t the one who saw them, I’d be very wary of saying anything at all.

One of by DC's primary school teachers was shagging her 18/19 year old TA. He was the same age as her eldest son. They were seen around town PDAing. None of our business as they were consenting adults, but it certainly confirmed my suspicions that she was not a good person.

You get vertigo on that high horse?

Early seventies as a pupil we knew who was bonking who at school. Never said a word to parents.

What would you do? An anonymous note to the governors? Pretty mental. You don't have tangible proof to present. Even if you did the governors can't do anything.

I know a couple (one of them was SLT) who both worked in a school and had children at the school with one affair partner teaching child whose parent they were shagging! School didnt care. Church school. Both still teaching in the school. Has been raised to the governors by the distressed wife.

With all due respect, you talk as though the people involved are dangerous sex maniacs and you justify getting involved because you feel ‘sorry for their respective partners and the other teaching staff’ 🙄.

As everyone has said, right or wrong, affairs unfortunately happen everyday in all walks of life. So by that principle would you not want an adulterous surgeon to perform on you because they’d be ‘thinking of their next shag’?!

You sound extraordinarily judgy and I think just want to light that fire purely to watch the bonfire.

I really hope you don’t get involved. It’s nothing to do with you and who knows you may be putting the life of one in danger if they have a particularly violent or abusive partner at home. Not to mention destroying their reputation and possibly livelihood - over an affair?! Seriously OP just pull your nose out and remain focused on your own family.

Personally, I wouldn’t want my DC taught by someone who can’t keep their legs closed and is probably thinking about her next illicit shag rather than the education of the children she is entrusted with. Likewise for the HT who is old enough to know better

Most teachers have children at some point. We are capable of having healthy sex lives and ensuring children's progress in the classroom. It isn't one or the other.

I didn't say they did. I said HT send all kind of ridiculous nitpicking letters home about irrelevant crap. It may be nice for them to to receive one reminding them about codes of conduct etc.

Such low bars for Headteachers and their staff on this thread.

Personally, I wouldn’t want my DC taught by someone who can’t keep their legs closed and is probably thinking about her next illicit shag rather than the education of the children she is entrusted with. Likewise for the HT who is old enough to know better.

I hope this is a joke thread because this is ridiculous.

You've had sex presumably if you have a child, are you always thinking about your next shag to the detriment of whatever else you're doing?

Affairs are bad but people have them every day and it doesn't impact someone's ability to do their job.

'What would you do? An anonymous note to the governors? '

Well it's one way of doing it.

As a teenager (some years ago), catholic school, our HT got sack for affair with the French teacher. Not in keeping with values etc, and diocese seemed to be able to give him the boot.

I suggest you send your children to a convent school then.

I don't think you should do anything either. If I was going to do anything it might be (I'd have to think about it though) to discreetly warn the younger teacher that they'd been seen. Specifically her and not the HT in case she were to get thrown under the bus by him somehow - give her the chance to end it quietly.

Obviously it's not something that should be happening at all, and depending on the circumstances of their marriages they may be causing a lot of hurt to innocent parties. But it really isn't your business so long as they are both doing their jobs properly and it's not happening at school - i can also imagine that feeling of injustice about it though, it's horrible watching things play out that shouldn't.

I worked at a school where the HT was sent an anonymous letter about an affair. It was ignored and a message went out saying that any complaints had to be signed or they would be regarded as malicious.

This was going on at my DCs primary school a few years ago. It has absolutely no bearing on the quality of teaching it care of your child / children. It’s none of your business at all - and their partners or potential favouritism is so far removed from your concern.

chances are it’s an open secret anyway - you won’t be the only one to know.

As parents we just used to have a bit of a gossip about it sometimes but it wouldn’t have occurred to any of us to actually say anything unless we thought that the quality of care or teaching was compromised , or if any of the pupils were in danger. Teachers and school staff are entitled to a private life just as anyone else is whatever their job.

This is not a given…

If she's being given preferential treatment then it's up to the other staff members to address that with whomever is above the principal or head or whatever it is that you all call him.

Also ew.

That song Harper Valley PTA is now an ear worm since reading this thread.😁

Catholic schools generally have some sort of a morality clause though. That may not be true with a non-religious school.

This happens often in schools. None of your business. What if it was your dentist and dental nurse? Would you do anything then?

There can be a conflict of interest. If for example the teacher is performing poorly and some parents have complained and nothing is done due to the nature of the relationship or of the teacher is promoted to HOD for example.

because the relationship is not disclosed there will not be the protocols in place to mitigate this as there would be if the relationship was open and known about.

Personally, I wouldn’t want my DC taught by someone who can’t keep their legs closed and is probably thinking about her next illicit shag rather than the education of the children she is entrusted with

What a bizarre thought process. There is nothing to say that people who have affairs think of this versus teaching the children. What about a 25yo teacher who believes he/she has found the hot love interest of their dreams? They are just as likely to spend time daydreaming over their new flame versus the education of the kids as someone else having an affair.

Also, I assume you don’t grill surgeons about their lives before yourself or kids have an op? Over the decades I’d say more surgeons than not that I knew had affairs (and affairs over affairs even), but that didn’t/doesn’t stop them concentrating and being good at what they do. No idea why you think teachers are any different?

Frankly, you are coming off as unhinged. I say that as someone who has never had an affair, and who doesn’t intend to.

I gave recently dumped, and a bit down SIL (who looks a lot like my wife) a hug on the pavement outside our house, and the crazy woman across the street put a letter through the door telling my wife that she'd seen me with another woman! Mind your own business or people will think you're crazy.

Personally, I wouldn’t want my DC taught by someone who can’t keep their legs closed and is probably thinking about her next illicit shag rather than the education of the children she is entrusted with

You sound absolutely foul saying that. If anyone needs their brain washing out with carbolic soap, it's probably you.

Just mind your own business and focus on your own morals, which don't sound good, regardless of who you may or may not be shagging.

God, do you have any idea how you sound?

Some religions seems to have the worst motality going, catholic and Cof E narrowing eyes at you especially when it comes to kids and SA.
Adults? Somewhat different if consenting, nobody elses business.
The whole thing is about mutual consent.