Aware of Head Teacher and Teacher affair

[GlitterGold7]

Name changed for this. I’ve become aware that the HT of my DC’s primary school is having an affair with one of the teachers. Both are married.

Would you do anything with this information? It feels utterly morally bankrupt that the HT is abusing his position like this, and I feel so sorry for the partners involved.

Saying they were blank and hapless at parents evening is not saying thet were all arsey with me. After reading all the comments about schools being full of grubby flings I then added perhaps that's why some were never on the ball so to speak.

I certainly didn't run kids over either lol. They walked then got the bus, but carry on with your wild accusations!

Never had an issue with a particular teacher, but I absolutely would have raised concerns with the governing body in the op's situation.

So you think they fucked before parents evening? When? In the class with the kids?

They are likely not on the ball because they are overworked to the extreme and at burnout and sick of shitty parents thinking they have to be like Barney or else be labelled as shit.

You said calling parents out for almost hitting kids was an issue not the almost hitting kids. You seemed to defend the parents who almost ran kids over and saw the school as an issue for calling out this safety issue. So yes you likely would hit one as you think that it is not acceptable to tell parents not to drive like dicks near kids.

Nope you didn't have an issue with one particular teacher - all of them were an issue.

You would raise concerns about seeing teachers in public? God help any teacher near you who dares go about their normal life.

You;d report is as your mind cannot think of any other reason to meet aside from sex. That is a you problem not their problem. You need to see men as more than just a sex toy for you.

'Maybe once the kids left school and stopped hearing the slagging off they felt able to share truthfully what they felt about their uni tutors.'

They share exactly the same level info unprompted by us. Thing is once uniform and parking stops being obsessed over tutors seems to focus on teaching. Don't get me wrong uni isn't perfect but the pettiness isn't there and the tutors seem to know who their students are rather than if their socks are the right colour which is nice.

What can the HOD do when previous actions to rectify have been overridden by the HT and the GB seem blinded by the HT on the issues? Would seriously welcome advice! it is the third HOD in 7 years for this reason.

'You need to see men as more than just a sex toy for you'

I've no idea how you come to make these kinds of bizarre statements. It'd be funny yet you've said a few times you're a governor so it is worrying if you have a say in anything of importance.

As a parent I couldn't care less if my DC's Teacher and the HT were having an affair. As long as my DC are safe and happy in school, making progress with their learning and receiving support for their SEN then that's all that matters to me.

As someone who works in a school, my colleagues sex lives are of no consequence to me whatsoever. If I suspected my HT was having an affair with a member of staff, unless they were conducting said affair on school premises and/or during school hours or there was evidence that anyone had been coerced, I would consider it none of my business. I don't personally approve of infidelity, but since I'm not married to the HT then it doesn't affect me. They are an excellent HT, whether or not they are a good spouse does not impact on their ability to do the job.

I have recently been seen in a hotel with our male Deputy Head. We were at a safeguarding conference...it was very definitely not sexy. But even if we had gone to the hotel for a drink, or for dinner, that would not be proof of an affair either. Two people who work together being seen in a public place is not suspicious behaviour, nor would it be in breach of the staff code of conduct in any school I've worked in.

They got the bus so how was parking an issue that related to them? I mean either parking was an issue or they walked then got the bus? Were they parking the bus? 😂

If they didn't tuck their shirt in and had to learn the hard way time and time again then that is a them problem.

Teachers know who their students are, sadly parents don't know who the teachers are but given you never bothered to speak to the teachers then you wouldn't know that.

How do you know the tutors know the students - you haven't spoken to them! Tutors that rarely see the kids! ha!

The HoD is there to manage the effectiveness of the department and ensure that teaching in that area is good. If teaching is poor and they are not working with that teacher to improve it then that is them failing.

Say if they lead maths it is up to the maths lead to ensure that maths teaching across the school is good and consistent. If not they have to act and have to show what they have done to improve this. They have to observe and give judgements on areas for development based on the sip and action plans. They then have to show how they have improved the standards in that department as a result of the input. They get paid to lead and if they are not leading then what are they doing?

So it is for the HoD to identify areas for development for that staff member. If you know what they need to do to develop then by all means share your lesson observations with them to triangulate this information then they have your lesson obs alongside their own. Then they can give individual targets or overall targets for the department and how it is going to be achieved. This is then monitored.

I have recently been seen in a hotel with our male Deputy Head. We were at a safeguarding conference...it was very definitely not sexy. But even if we had gone to the hotel for a drink, or for dinner, that would not be proof of an affair either. Two people who work together being seen in a public place is not suspicious behaviour, nor would it be in breach of the staff code of conduct in any school I've worked in.

Absolutely this. Imagine if you had been reported for attending the conference and as some suggested report to spouses that you were having an affair. I imagine the impact of that would be awful for you and damaging to your family and career.

I was still sent many ott excitable letters about parking even if ours walked and then got the bus for secondary?! I was still subject to several The Wrong Trousers emails even if ours ticked all the correct boxes. They should put as much effort into teaching as monitoring this crap.

Again, I know the uni tutors are engaged and interested with their student becaue our kids tell us! .

They are sent to all parents but yet again how did that impact on your child when it was sent to you? You said the kids were much better when the parking issues stopped. If it was sent to you why does that have any bearing on your children?

Schools do not have time to write a list of who walks, rides a bike or changes the way they get to school on a daily. An email is sent to all. It takes 2 minutes rather than writing a list of all the kids and sending it 1 by 1.

First you say they should spend less time on things like this but then want them sent individually to hundreds of kids. Make it make sense! If it isn't you then ignore and carry on as normal parents do. Only those it applies to get tetchy.

Again if you got an email about wrong trousers and your kids were in the correct ones how did it impact on them? They had the right ones on. No impact at all.

As if you think the teachers are the ones creating emails about parking instead of doing maths. It is senior staff who do that.

So first they were too busy having sex to answer emails. Then too busy having sex to do parents evening. Now too busy safeguarding kids to teach.

Who hurt you at school? Which teacher?

So you have flamboyant tutors - great now your kids are at Butlins and away from your constant whinging off they might not have to please you so much! Very evident they can finally stop with the people pleasing they have had to do.

They might be animated and lively but nothing about that says good teacher. You wouldn't know that as you think it does. Especially at uni when most of their learning is self learning. How will your kids cope at uni without Mr Tumbles telling them everything?!

'They are an excellent HT, whether or not they are a good spouse does not impact on their ability to do the job.'

It's not about being a good spouse it's about being a 'good' boss and bosses don't <or shouldn't> shag a married junior, it contravenes all kinds of codes of conduct.

If there's nothing to hide they won't mind clarifying things.

My point being, sorry to repeat but you seen to struggle with what I'm trying to say, is they should stop the ridiculous amount of emails about irrelevant stuff and focus on teaching,

'Who hurt you at school? Which teacher?'

None, I was a prefect remember .

If you think safeguarding is 'ridiculous' then that says it all. Safeguarding children is paramount. Shocking you do not care about that.

Being a prefect doesn't mean you weren't hurt. Oh yes I remember you policed the boys toilets! That is where you obsession came from about not being able to meet males without having sex with them.

If there is nothing to hide there is nothing to clarify. If there is nothing to hide then they don't need speaking to.

Safeguarding isn't monitoring sock colour or trouser style then sending out fussy nitpicking emails about these non issues.

I meet males without having sex, it's these teachers in 'bonkfest' schools who are all at it apparently instead of trying to do a lesson plan.

'If there is nothing to hide there is nothing to clarify. If there is nothing to hide then they don't need speaking to'

If there is something to hide they need to clarify.

Safeguarding making sure kids are not run over.

Nope teaching kids how to behave is important in their adult life. Sending adults to a corporate interview in Elmo socks and pants that are more suited to gardening will not get them the job. You cannot cry that life is tough for kids these days trying to get work and then scratch your head and wonder why when they went dressed in skate park clothing - but yeah doesn't matter what they wear. Following rules is not part of learning.

Be interesting if they went into something like nursing they wouldn't cope would they being told they couldn't wear earrings and whatever they liked?

Kids growing up with a sense of entitlement to do as they please will create a world full of arsehole adults.

So they are knobbing in school time in the building while the kids are there during the school day in many schools? Have you actually heard yourself?

Nope they do not need to do anything.

No one can demand they share their every move with their employers, that is absolutely not what employers can demand.

And they have a right not to and that doesn't mean guilt it means their human right and their employment rights.

Having boundaries with your employer is not indicative of guilt of doing something wrong.

An employer cannot ask for a minute by minute diary of what someone does in their spare time. That is not a right that an employer can demand.

Do you share your whole life with your colleagues if not then you are guilty of having an affair.

'An employer cannot ask for a minute by minute diary of what someone does in their spare time. That is not a right that an employer can demand.'

No one has suggested that and quite frankly it is astounding that this is what you've taken from the thread.

If a married boss is shagging their married junior then there are a whole load of potential problems such as favouritism, resentment, maybe unfair treatment once the fling ends. The boss needs to be transparent with their line manager. If they are a cheating sleaze, fine that is up to them. But to chase junior colleagues demonstrates a serious lack of judgement and that highlights questions regarding their overall ability.

Bumped into each other at the local Travellodge? Lovely. Meeting to fuck a married junior? Not so lovely.

As an aside I wonder what credentials governors need and do they get any kind of review/appraisal once in the role?!

Well they are asking them for what that person is doing in their spare time.

The boss doesn't need to be transparent at all if there is nothing happening. The boss has a right to privacy.

The governors get training and follow employment law. Shame you wish for that to be ignored because you would have this man tarred and feathered before he opens his mouth as you have already said he is guilty.

I don't want the married boss to be 'tarred and feathered'. Without a doubt though they need to be held to account if they are chasing juniors, as I keep having to remind you it reflects badly on their judgement.

This isn't just my opinion, it is expected in every organisation that when someone senior is involved with someone very junior there may well be a clash of interests so transparency is vital to protect both the fling participants.

Governing isn't only about the Tombola and the right socks it is surely more importantly about the conduct of the staff.

You keep saying they have done something wrong without any reason to do so.

It is your opinion. You have said he is a sleaze, you have said that he is doing something wrong.

It is about the conduct of the staff and going to a hotel is nothing that breaches the code of conduct.

Nowhere on that code of conduct does it say that staff shouldn't socialise outside of school hours or visit a hotel. As I have said, doing normal things doesn't break the code of conduct. You cannot call an investigation because someone went out in public.

Governors don't do the tombola that is the PTA or children.

Governors do not deal with socks, that is the school staff. I think you do not know what each role is within a school.

'You keep saying they have done something wrong without any reason to do so.'

We don't know do we! The op has concerns so those concerns need to be passed on confidentiality to someone to investigate. If a senior person isn't chasing junior staff there's no problem is there?

Governors should surely have some relevant experience and understand that staff conduct it very important and this is nothing as simple and silly as 'someone went out in public' .

'Governors don't do the tombola that is the PTA or children'

Ours were often manning stalls at school fairs tbf.