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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aware of Head Teacher and Teacher affair

680 replies

GlitterGold7 · 08/07/2025 12:06

Name changed for this. I’ve become aware that the HT of my DC’s primary school is having an affair with one of the teachers. Both are married.

Would you do anything with this information? It feels utterly morally bankrupt that the HT is abusing his position like this, and I feel so sorry for the partners involved.

OP posts:
Didimum · 09/07/2025 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I’m cool, but that’s for your concern.

Didimum · 09/07/2025 19:55

Boreded · 09/07/2025 19:50

Also if you are going to call someone out, tag them rather than being all sneaky and thinking you are clever.

@Fetaface post about you above

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I’m on my phone, tagging doesn’t work on my phone. But thanks for the input.

Fetaface · 09/07/2025 19:55

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 19:53

'Why do teachers need to be excitable? '

Sorry that was the wrong word. Animated, interested, engaged. The only time I witnessed it was when it was to do with uniform outrage or parking froth. Ask about attainment, development, areas of concern amn it was all yeah but no but.

Uni tutors much more switched on. Don't know what it is about primary and secondary teaching staff. Unless they are all indeed too busy bonking.

They are there to teach not to entertain. If you want entertaining go to Butlins.

Maybe take your kids off ipads and they will find learning interesting.

As if you get involved in your kids uni tutors, helicopter parent! They're adults! Why have you not equipped them to deal with uni tutors themselves. Are you going to be ringing their boss when they are 35 to tell them they are sick too?

Now that has shown what the issue is. You were 'that' parent.

Boreded · 09/07/2025 19:56

Didimum · 09/07/2025 19:55

I’m on my phone, tagging doesn’t work on my phone. But thanks for the input.

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What in the Nokia 3310 are you using as a phone?!?

And you are most welcome sweetheart, glad I could be of service.

Fetaface · 09/07/2025 19:57

Boreded · 09/07/2025 19:56

What in the Nokia 3310 are you using as a phone?!?

And you are most welcome sweetheart, glad I could be of service.

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😂ouch!!

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 19:59

Fetaface · 09/07/2025 19:49

So you are knobbing them? Shocking behaviour!

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No, as i said I don't meet them alone at service station motels?

You seem mixed up. This thread isn't about can women be friends with men. Yes, they can. It's the meeting them alone if they are your boss in hotels that needs looking into by the appropriate people.

I think people who have flings will always minimise these situations. Not saying that's you obviously, just generally.

Fetaface · 09/07/2025 20:02

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 19:59

No, as i said I don't meet them alone at service station motels?

You seem mixed up. This thread isn't about can women be friends with men. Yes, they can. It's the meeting them alone if they are your boss in hotels that needs looking into by the appropriate people.

I think people who have flings will always minimise these situations. Not saying that's you obviously, just generally.

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So you knob them somewhere else? Maybe on a quiet road etc?

No the issue is that you cannot think of any other reason why two people may meet and you have said that they are knobbing as that is the only thing that you can think of doing when a male and female meet.

The fact that is the first and only thing on your mind says what you think.

I can think of many reasons to meet males and not have sex and my first thought is not sex. Me and you are not the same.

I'm meeting my married male mate on Saturday and we are going to the beach. Guess why? Because it is nice to do things with mates. His spouse is not coming. Shocking I know!

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 20:03

Fetaface · 09/07/2025 19:55

They are there to teach not to entertain. If you want entertaining go to Butlins.

Maybe take your kids off ipads and they will find learning interesting.

As if you get involved in your kids uni tutors, helicopter parent! They're adults! Why have you not equipped them to deal with uni tutors themselves. Are you going to be ringing their boss when they are 35 to tell them they are sick too?

Now that has shown what the issue is. You were 'that' parent.

Show quote history

I didn't want to be entertained. I wanted teaching staff to get animated about more than trouser length or sock colour.

Ive never had anything to do with a uni tutor. Our dc talk to us you see, they tell us all about their uni courses. It's normal for parents to interact with their kids. Well our dc talk to us anyway, don't yours?

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 20:07

Fetaface · 09/07/2025 20:02

So you knob them somewhere else? Maybe on a quiet road etc?

No the issue is that you cannot think of any other reason why two people may meet and you have said that they are knobbing as that is the only thing that you can think of doing when a male and female meet.

The fact that is the first and only thing on your mind says what you think.

I can think of many reasons to meet males and not have sex and my first thought is not sex. Me and you are not the same.

I'm meeting my married male mate on Saturday and we are going to the beach. Guess why? Because it is nice to do things with mates. His spouse is not coming. Shocking I know!

Edited
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You're the one constantly talking about 'knobbing' and sex. You said 'why can't I be friends with males' I said I am I just don't meet them alone in hotels. I wonder if you forget what you've posted sometimes.

Anyway I hope the op has been in touch with the governors and got this sleazy HT investigated.

Fetaface · 09/07/2025 20:07

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 20:03

I didn't want to be entertained. I wanted teaching staff to get animated about more than trouser length or sock colour.

Ive never had anything to do with a uni tutor. Our dc talk to us you see, they tell us all about their uni courses. It's normal for parents to interact with their kids. Well our dc talk to us anyway, don't yours?

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You literally just said you wanted them to be entertaining. No one needs to be animated.

If kids are used to ipads and flashing lights they will need entertaining. If they are parented then they will not need it.

They need good solid teaching. That isn't about entertaining or being like someone off Cbeebies.

You literally said uni tutors are better with you.

I don't have DC. I'd rather lick piss off a thistle than have kids.

Fetaface · 09/07/2025 20:09

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 20:07

You're the one constantly talking about 'knobbing' and sex. You said 'why can't I be friends with males' I said I am I just don't meet them alone in hotels. I wonder if you forget what you've posted sometimes.

Anyway I hope the op has been in touch with the governors and got this sleazy HT investigated.

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Nah I am responding to you saying that is what is happening. Learn to read. Shame you had shit teachers who didn't teach you to read as a child. Comprehension isn't great.

Why not meet them alone in hotels? Unless of course you do not trust yourself. I would happily meet my married friends at a hotel. I have stayed the night in a hotel with a married friend. Sex never crossed my mind. Nor his.

How is he sleazy?

Being in public is sleazy?

You really need to get over your issue with teachers. It isn't healthy.

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 20:15

Fetaface · 09/07/2025 20:07

You literally just said you wanted them to be entertaining. No one needs to be animated.

If kids are used to ipads and flashing lights they will need entertaining. If they are parented then they will not need it.

They need good solid teaching. That isn't about entertaining or being like someone off Cbeebies.

You literally said uni tutors are better with you.

I don't have DC. I'd rather lick piss off a thistle than have kids.

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I said the only time I saw a teacher excitable was over trouser length or parking.
I can't recall saying I'd like a teacher to be entertaining? But please c&p I'm happy to be corrected.

I said uni tutors are much more switched on. I 'literally' didn't say uni tutors are better with me. Do you know what literally means? Never spoken to a uni tutor, why would I?

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 20:18

'You really need to get over your issue with teachers. It isn't healthy'

I'm over it just highlighting my experience and when lots of previous posters have said schools are a hot bed of grubby flings it does explain things tbh. Hence if HT is behaving so appallingly he absolutely needs pulling up on it.

Fetaface · 09/07/2025 20:20

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 20:15

I said the only time I saw a teacher excitable was over trouser length or parking.
I can't recall saying I'd like a teacher to be entertaining? But please c&p I'm happy to be corrected.

I said uni tutors are much more switched on. I 'literally' didn't say uni tutors are better with me. Do you know what literally means? Never spoken to a uni tutor, why would I?

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Yes suggesting that you wanted them to be excitable in the classroom. You said other synonyms too all of which means 'entertaining'. Not sure you know what a synonym is. Might be too big of a word for you.

You literally complained about your interactions with the primary and secondary teachers when saying the uni tutors are more switched on meaning that it was on the same topic.

Nope I am my own boss so nope not teaching. Yes a governor.

Fetaface · 09/07/2025 20:23

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 20:18

'You really need to get over your issue with teachers. It isn't healthy'

I'm over it just highlighting my experience and when lots of previous posters have said schools are a hot bed of grubby flings it does explain things tbh. Hence if HT is behaving so appallingly he absolutely needs pulling up on it.

You are saying that you have had an issue with every teacher during school years. All were not good. All were shagging about. None of them taught anything.

You have also said that they all had issues with you. If a child comes crying to me saying they were shouted at, my first response is what made them shout?

Look at your own behaviour as to why they were arsey with you. If every teacher was arsey with you then YOU were the problem not them.

Teachers can have flings. Nothing wrong with that. They are not obliged to marry anyone they date. They can have a FWB without commitment. That doesn't stop them being good teachers.

You said he is a sleaze for being out in public.

TheOriginalEmu · 09/07/2025 20:26

elliejjtiny · 08/07/2025 12:31

This was a massive deal when it happened at my school and loads of parents moved their children to different schools because of it. Just wondering why it doesn't seem to be now? Is it because affairs etc were less common in the early 1990's?

in my school in the 90s I know of at least 2 affairs between teachers and students, let alone other teachers.
No one did anything about it. One teacher married the pupil a couple of years after she left school, last I heard they were still together 25 years later.

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 20:29

Fetaface · 09/07/2025 20:20

Yes suggesting that you wanted them to be excitable in the classroom. You said other synonyms too all of which means 'entertaining'. Not sure you know what a synonym is. Might be too big of a word for you.

You literally complained about your interactions with the primary and secondary teachers when saying the uni tutors are more switched on meaning that it was on the same topic.

Nope I am my own boss so nope not teaching. Yes a governor.

Show quote history

I said the only time I saw them excitable was over trouser length or parking. I then said 'Sorry that was the wrong word, animated, interested, engaged''.

You can't make things up, it's all here in black and white. I didn't expect 'entertainment' just the same level of attention and engagement demonstrated when teaching as when harping on about the wrong trousers.

I can't help it if you thought I said I was in touch with uni tutors and decided I was a helicopter parent. Just admit your error and move on.

How desperste to sneer about synonyms just because you've lost the argument.

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 20:31

TheOriginalEmu · 09/07/2025 20:26

in my school in the 90s I know of at least 2 affairs between teachers and students, let alone other teachers.
No one did anything about it. One teacher married the pupil a couple of years after she left school, last I heard they were still together 25 years later.

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Yes one of ours math's teacher was married fo a former pupil 🤮

neverbeenskiing · 09/07/2025 20:31

crankycurmudgeon · 08/07/2025 13:37

I am sick to the back teeth of people expressing the view that marital infidelity is 'none of anyone's business', in a scenario where the people involved have safeguarding responsibilities and act as role models to young people. Adultery involves deceit to people to trust you, and breaking of the most important covenant most of us make. That absolutely has a bearing on whether somebody has the moral character to be leading others, asking others to trust them, expecting others to look up to them and follow their example.

Sex between two consenting adults, that takes place away from school is not a safeguarding issue. Even when the sex is real and definitely happening. In this case, two consenting adults have been seen walking into a building together.

Teajenny7 · 09/07/2025 20:32

GlitterGold7 · 08/07/2025 12:19

No, they were seen at a hotel at a motorway service station together, which confirmed more historic suspicions which people had raised.

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Did you see them or is it gossip?

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 20:33

'Look at your own behaviour as to why they were arsey with you. If every teacher was arsey with you then YOU were the problem not them.'

Where did I say teachers were 'arsey' with me. I said they were often blank at parents evening and a bit hapless. I didn't ever have an unpleasant interaction. You must stop making things up.

Fetaface · 09/07/2025 20:34

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 20:29

I said the only time I saw them excitable was over trouser length or parking. I then said 'Sorry that was the wrong word, animated, interested, engaged''.

You can't make things up, it's all here in black and white. I didn't expect 'entertainment' just the same level of attention and engagement demonstrated when teaching as when harping on about the wrong trousers.

I can't help it if you thought I said I was in touch with uni tutors and decided I was a helicopter parent. Just admit your error and move on.

How desperste to sneer about synonyms just because you've lost the argument.

Show quote history

And no teacher has to do that. They can be excited over whatever they want. I would be animated if I was in a school parents like you were almost running over kids. It is more of a concern that you do not see that as a problem.

So the same level would be excited. You have no idea what they were like in school and granted when kids hear their parents slagging off the teachers and school they also do the same to please the parents.

You are not qualified to assess a lesson so why parents think that they can make judgements on something they are not qualified on doing is beyond me.

Maybe once the kids left school and stopped hearing the slagging off they felt able to share truthfully what they felt about their uni tutors.

There isn't anything to lose - shame you think this is a competition of winning and losing. There is nothing to win or lose.

Fetaface · 09/07/2025 20:36

Gloriia · 09/07/2025 20:33

'Look at your own behaviour as to why they were arsey with you. If every teacher was arsey with you then YOU were the problem not them.'

Where did I say teachers were 'arsey' with me. I said they were often blank at parents evening and a bit hapless. I didn't ever have an unpleasant interaction. You must stop making things up.

The minute you said they wouldn't engage at parents evening because they were too busy fucking each other. You said you had issues with all the teachers throughout.

And given your kids feedback miraculously changed when they went to uni it shows they were hearing this slagging off of their teachers and felt they had to say the same to please you. What a shame.

Somuchtodotoolittletimetodoit · 09/07/2025 20:42

I agree that it is none of OP’s business…. But I have experience of my daughters’ secondary school where the head is married to one of the teachers. The teacher is truly awful and has had numerous complaints about the quality of her teaching and the way she treats pupils, but nothing ever seems to get done. Colleagues in the same department have left (and openly shared the reason for leaving being this teacher to parents), and I was told by the Head of department to complain directly to ofsted because it is pointless complaining through the normal channels. The conflict of interest just isn’t being managed and neither is the teacher! So while I agree it is nobody’s business on one level, if it introduces an obvious conflict then that is a problem.

Fetaface · 09/07/2025 20:52

Somuchtodotoolittletimetodoit · 09/07/2025 20:42

I agree that it is none of OP’s business…. But I have experience of my daughters’ secondary school where the head is married to one of the teachers. The teacher is truly awful and has had numerous complaints about the quality of her teaching and the way she treats pupils, but nothing ever seems to get done. Colleagues in the same department have left (and openly shared the reason for leaving being this teacher to parents), and I was told by the Head of department to complain directly to ofsted because it is pointless complaining through the normal channels. The conflict of interest just isn’t being managed and neither is the teacher! So while I agree it is nobody’s business on one level, if it introduces an obvious conflict then that is a problem.

So the head of department is not doing her job as she is the line manager. She is not dealing with it.