Aware of Head Teacher and Teacher affair

[GlitterGold7]

Name changed for this. I’ve become aware that the HT of my DC’s primary school is having an affair with one of the teachers. Both are married.

Would you do anything with this information? It feels utterly morally bankrupt that the HT is abusing his position like this, and I feel so sorry for the partners involved.

Didn't happen in my school and I was there for 27 years. At least, only the DH and a TA but both were single and they've been married for several years now so I don't think that counts.

I’d do a poll of the class WhatsApp group and go with the majority vote…..

🤣🤣

Well, there's a turnup for the books! I expected MN to hang them from the nearest lamp post, and actually, I voted that you aren't unreasonable. All I was going to say is that since you aren't the one who saw them at the motel, it's not up to you to report them; it's the witness's job.

But now I discover that the MN hive mind is that HM shagging Subordinate is no one else's business, so hey - live and let live.

It's really not funny for the families(children) of the HT and betrayed partner.

You have no idea what is going on and unless it’s causing poor teaching or something then how is it any of your business ? Perhaps both marriages are over/waiting on divorce going through.
Or even this :- Years ago a nearby school’s headteacher Mr. A was plastered on the local Facebook page and accused of having an affair with one of the teachers Mrs. B.
All sorts of comments about them cheating on partners, disgrace to the school etc.
Yes Mr.A was sleeping with Mrs.B, as she was his wife ! She had chosen to keep her maiden name but become Mrs maiden name, which I’ve known quite a few teachers to do.

I used to work in a school where the head was always having affairs with staff. Utter cunt he was.

You need to stay out of it, OP.

That doesn't mean you can't look at both of them like the pieces of shit they are every time you cross paths with them but yeah, not your circus, and all that.

Unless you are married to one of them, it is none of your business.

Be careful what you wish for. I know of a school that had a fab HT, who was doing similar. He was removed, but replacement HT nowhere near as good. If the school is reasonable and your kids doing OK you might want to leave it be.

Abusing his postion? All this based on rumours? You sound bored. Dear God, please get a hobby.

You need to get a life and mind your own business. So do the people gossiping about this and reporting back about spotting them. Beyond pathetic. This affects the education of your children how exactly?

I'm astounded that 11% think YANBU ... and think you should "do something" with thus information. What exactly? Confront one of them? Where? When? Arrange a pretend parent teacher meeting? Ring up their spouses? Post in WhatsApp? Newsletter? The whole idea of "doing something" is creepy and crazy.

Not RTFT but I was going to say being seen at a hotel/service station could well be a work trip such as a conference. It may not be but there is certainly no proof of an affair. I have travelled with make heads of department etc and it was strictly professional duties. Unless you are one of the involved parties (alleged affair haver or their partner) it's not your business.

Should say male, autocorrect at its best there.

Nothing whatsoever to do with you.

I really don't understand why you would even contemplate doing anything other than minding your own business.

Never judge a book by its cover or jump to conclusions.You never know what type of arrangements people have within marriage, including being open to extra marital relationships. It would never be for me although I know it happens. Nobody else's business.

I’d say reading the comments the verdict is fairly unanimous. Stay out of it. I’m really curious about what you think you should do with this tit bit of information and what it will achieve. Perhaps you’re so morally outraged you haven’t thought that far.

So you didn’t actually see them and have got the information second hand. It’s gossip. If anyone should say anything it’s whoever saw them.

It is the supervisory professional power one partner holds over the other that is the problem. Part of this is that the HT is expected to be the neutral referee in disputes between teachers or a teacher and a parent, etc.

No one will get a fair hearing in a dispute with this teacher unless the Governors replace the HT in this role. But that amounts to making the affair public.

There is no cause to investigate it.

OP: I want to report a cause for concern.
CoG: What concern?
OP: I heard that Mr X and Mrs Y were seen at a hotel together.
CoG: What is the concern?
OP: They might be having an affair?
CoG: Were they doing anything that gives you any reasons to suspect it?
OP: No
CoG: What did you see?
OP: I wasn't there.
CoG: So you didn't see anything of concern as you were not there and the person who was there saw nothing of concern?
OP: But I personally think they might be having an affair.
CoG: Have you any evidence that suggests this?
OP: They were at a hotel together.
CoG: How do you know they were there? How does that imply an affair?
OP: Dave's mates' dog told me.
CoG: So there is no confirmation they were at a hotel? You were never there? You didn't see it? There is no details of anything behavioural that suggests they are having an affair? And yet you are concerned? Why?
OP: Because they might be having an affair and I want it investigated.
CoG: You want me to ask why someone was socialising with someone else which is not against any rules in this profession?
OP: Yes because I am nosey.
CoG: So let me get this right - there is no evidence of a breach of conduct, there is nothing they have done to imply a breach of conduct, they were behaving normally, no one has confirmed they were in the same place together and yet what you think has happened is a cause for concern?
OP: Yes
CoG: You want me to investigate two members of staff with no evidence they have done anything wrong and for no reason but that 'you think'? You want them suspended and their mental health in ruins because of some idea you have about them based on nothing at all?
OP: Yes
CoG: There is the door. Please leave.

Speak to governors?

A fictionalised conversation written by someone on the internet has no basis to the details of OP’s concerns. You don’t know them. OP can report what her concerns are , the governors can assess them and then the onus transfers to them.

There is no evidence of any problem. There is no hearing to be had. There is no evidence of any wrongdoing just someone's 'idea' and that they 'think' it.

Imagine if the teachers reported parents and said I think they are abusing their kids, no evidence, never seen them do anything wrong but I am going to report them anyway and get SS and the police involved because 'I think'.

How would that go down? It wouldn;t go down. SS would say get to feck, police would say absolutely nothing to respond to as the school will in this case.

So what investigation can happen when there is nothing to report?

There are no concerns as there is nothing she has seen or heard.

Imagine if the school reported her for child abuse based on no evidence, no conversations, no witnesses, always positive interaction, no bruises - but yet someone thinks it so she can be reported.

There is nothing to assess. What is to assess other than - they may or may not be at a hotel. That isn't anything to assess.

I'm going to assess if you were or weren;t at a hotel last week.
Yes I was.
Ok assessment complete.