Do you let your little boy wear dresses?

[FanofLeaves]

DS3 is a big fan of Frozen. I’m not a ‘Disney adult’ or anything like that, my first time seeing the film was at the age of 39. He loves the songs from it too and belts them out at any opportunity. His two best friends at nursery are girls and they have frozen dresses to prance about in so he asked me to get him one too so he could join in. He’s now the proud owner of the sparkly purple number that Elsa wears at the start of Frozen 2.

He’s not content just wearing it at nursery and has been wearing it at a family gathering over the weekend and singing his songs. His girl cousin had a couple of other princess dresses at her house and they had a wonderful time dancing and singing all over the garden in various frocks.

The problem is DH, he wasn’t with us but saw the pictures on the family group chat and has asked me to ‘dial down the dress thing’ as he says it’s just not something I should be indulging or encouraging. FWIW this is completely led by DS who also loves dinosaurs and cars and what not and I know him dressing like Elsa doesn’t mean he wants to be a girl or any of that nonsense. I doubt it’s a lasting phase but one he seems to be really enjoying. He did asks me if he’d ‘grow into a girl’ and of course I said no, because you are a boy.

So my question is, do you or would you allow your little boy to dress or pretend to be a princess? I can’t put my finger on what DH’s problem is with it (and he can’t seem to eloquently put it into words either, just that he doesn’t like it) or if I should take his feelings into account and, as he said, ‘dial it back’. While I don’t actively encourage I don’t deny anything either, when he asks to wear the dress I just put it on him.

Yes. DS loves anything sparkly. Gravitates towards it, it’s a sensory thing I think. My dad was a bit taken aback.. “do you think he might be (whispers) gay?? I don’t mind I just want to know” which made me laugh… he’s 3, I don’t know about gay but I suspect mild autism.

Yes, I do. I try to make sure I'm led by him but when he was a baby and toddler I put him in all his sisters clothes rather than buy new and so it's continued. I asked him if he wanted summer dress for this school term (he's five now, his first year at school) or shorts as we had both from DD and he opted for dress. On the first day, he came home saying it was a bit embarrassing because other kids were asking if he was a girl and looking at him. I asked if he wanted the shorts tomorrow or his normal trousers and he said no, he wanted the dress. At the end of the week I asked if they were still saying things and he said no, not after the first day.
When we're getting dressed up I.e. for a celebration meal out or a party I will offer him the pretty dresses in his size and he almost invariably says no now. There is one cotton skater dress he likes to wear to the beach though.

When my DS was 3 he loved wearing dresses. We didn't actually buy him any - he got them from the dressing up box at pre school and some belonging to his sister (2 years older).

Now he's 15 and into football and gaming like a typical teenage boy. He doesn't believe me when I tell him about the dress phase!

I feel sorry for your child having such a close minded parent.

Of course he should wear what he likes, and I'd consider letting him wear it to Morrisons or whatever. I think it's a real shame that the message is 'do what the bullies want and hide away' rather than 'they're the problem, not you'. Not criticizing you OP. Difficult to put your head above the parapet.

How different this thread is than the 35 pages worth of outrage and hysteria when someone wanted their DS in light blue shorts for school! Absolutely not was the message there, though still along the same lines of 'let the bullies win'.

I hope one day boys and men (well, everyone) really can wear what they want.

Mine was obsessed with Tinkerbell at this age and had all the outfits, wings and wands. He also loved having his nails painted!

He’s almost adult now and a very manly man.

Kids don’t see gendered clothes in the same way adults have been socialised to. They just think oooooooh sparkly or ooooooo, I want to be a fairy! And enjoy dressing up as characters they enjoy watching. All normal and something that should be encouraged.

My son is 14 now brand into rugby and gaming like most of his mates. He soent a full year in Disney princess dresses when he was 4/5 bless him: just dressing up.

My son had an Elsa dress. He didn’t want to be a girl, he wanted to be able to dress like one of his favourite characters. My MIL was similarly concerned.

Interestingly, he also had a Simba costume. She was never worried that he might grow up to be a lion

I feel sorry for all the kids we seem to have now in this country who grow up with gender identity issues because their parents never explained to them the difference between boys and girls and in some cases encouraged it to prove to other parent how open minded they are

if DS asks ‘why’ when I say no to him wearing the dress around Morrisons or on the train into London it’s not an easy question to answer for a three year old who is still so innocent of the world.

This is absolutely the issue OP because if you say 'dresses are for girls' and he wants to wear one you might end up down a rabbit hole of "well then maybe I am a girl then?" I know that sounds extreme (and almost certainly isn't going to happen as a one off event when he is 3) but ironically, by trying to reinforce gender stereotypes your DH leaves open the possibility that your child might start questioning their gender if they don't feel they conform 100% to the stereotype.

Re wearing the dress to Morrisons, I’d answer the same as I did with my Dd, “It’s not practical to go shopping in a long dress, so let’s chose some different clothes and when you get home you can get changed again if you like”.

You can also add “mummy doesn’t wear a long dress to go to Morrisons, imagine if I did, I’d probably trip up and end up in a heap amongst the carrots” etc etc. Then get him changed.

I do have a rather traditionally minded dad as well, who turned a blind eye at the weekend but I distinctly remember him admonishing my little brother when we were small for wearing my party dresses incase it ‘made him turn out gay’ 🤦🏻‍♀️ and DH thinks it’s a rebellion of sorts to let DS be a princess around my Dad and see if he comments.

But surely you can see that saying X is for girls and Y is for boys promotes gender identity issues? If I am a boy and I like wearing a dress that's not an issue unless I think that only girls wear dresses... now I am thinking i need to start chopping bits of my body off because I like dresses. If I am a girl and I want short hair and to play rugby that's all good, but if I think only boys like doing those things then now I need to question my gender identity.

Well its only recently that parents have stopped saying thats for boys or thats for girls and we have the most confused and unhappy generation we have ever had. Mental health issues are rising in young people, gender identity issues are rising in young people. This wasnt such an issue in any other generation.

My DS used to love the princess fancy dress at nursery or a friends house. I see it as no different than my DD dressing up as spiderman or batman really. He outgrew it by school.

If he wanted to wear typical stereotypical girls clothing on a daily basis it would have been a conversation to have with my DH what we wanted to do though

I wouldn’t worry about it personally.

My nearly 8yo DS went through this phase when he was three. He found a ‘princess dress’ at nursery and he loved wearing it. He wanted one at home so I got him one. He went to nursery in it one week and set a little trend amongst the other little boys - apparently, they all raided the dressing up box and ran around playing football in their dresses 😂

Phase lasted about a week in our case and he is very much in to boy things now. Don’t think he’d be caught dead in a dress!

It’s a normal phase. DS at about three started with dress up dresses, then progressed to telling me he was going to be a Mummy when he grew up and wanting lots of clothes from the “girl’s” section. We did draw the line at ordinary dresses (as opposed to dresses that were dressing up outfits) but he had pink joggers and lilac trainers and rainbow ombré pyjamas. I did correct him thinking he was going to be a Mummy or could become a girl - he was just a boy who liked pink and Disney princess dresses. He also had a couple of dolls that he enjoyed pushing in prams and briefly enjoyed Polly Pockets.

A couple of months later he was totally over the whole thing and in the decade since has steadfastly refused to wear anything but black, navy and football kits.

Let your son enjoy his Elsa phase. I’d only stop him if it was the sort of family event where I’d also stop him wearing a Batman outfit or a football strip - like a wedding.

I think it wasn’t such a recognised issue in any other generation, but that’s not the same thing.

I was at school in the 90’s and we were told that only boys could have autism!

@FanofLeaves My son loves all the Disney Princesses, I have just booked Disney on Ice for his birthday. We bought an Elsa skirt and crown set last week. If you think about it the male characters in Disney are all a bit rubbish, the women have powers and are strong and independent. Why would he want to be Kristoff when he could be Elsa. My son often pretends to be Elsa and Isabella from Encanto. The outfits are better, my sons favourite colour is pink and he loves rainbows, he told me the other day his heart was full of rainbows. They are like this for such a short amount of time. As long as his cousins weren't teasing him it's not like he's going to school dressed as a girl where kids might be cruel. It took my husband a minute to get on board but now he buys our son a Disney Princess magazine if that's what he choses. I hope your DH comes round.

100 percent I would let my sons wear a dress. Especially princess ones as it’s from films and fun. My sons never have been interested but my daughters have Batman, Spider-Man, a gruffolo costume, woody and buzz costumes, Harry Potter, and bananas in Pajamas costumes (and multiple princess dresses) which would all probably be classed as boys costumes and no one ever bats an eyelid so it’s sad that when a boy wears a princess dress there’s a big open mouthed ‘oh my god’ response, usually from men

Exactly.

Trying to force people into rigid gender stereotypes is an issue and can cause confusion.

I do think things would be better if boys were just told that of course boys can wear dresses, it still means you're a boy, just like girls wearing trousers or having short hair still means that they are girls.

Nothing confusing about that.

It’s super normal to be curious. Girls dressing up often involves shiny fabric with fake jewels - perfect for imaginary play about magic.
Unfortunately you need to be more mindful once he’s school aged and the other kids say stuff like boys don’t wear dresses but at age 3, super common to have tried makeup and wearing a dress.
Men who don’t like it are usually worried about their boys becoming gay or trans as a result but ime there is no correlation.
My daughter has dressed as Spiderman and other males too. 🤷‍♀️

I don't think this is the case - when I was growing up in the 80s we were all just dressed in brown velour joggers. There were some girls' things and boys' things (I had the amazing magic key shoes) but it was not quite so polarised. Things seem to have got much worse now and it's walls of sparkly pink for girls and brown and navy sludge for boys.

Anyway, DS is now 4 and although he still likes stuff from the girls' sections, you can see him starting to recognise and negotiate social norms by himself, without bullying. He's normally a different baby animal every day, but now he'll say 'Mum, don't tell anyone I'm a baby starling when we get to nursery' - he chooses when to role play and when not to. I think that's a pretty normal part of growing up, and probably most of the toddlers-in-princess-dresses work out for themselves somewhere between 3 and 5 when we do role play and when we don't.

Ah, this is so cute.

My DS grew up with a slightly older sister who he idolised (still does). He loved everything she was into. If she had a pink tutu, he wanted one too. If she had toy make-up, he wanted some too. I’ve got lots of pictures from when he was little, dressed up like some sort of 3 year old bad drag act. It’s cute and they grow out of it. But yes, my DH wasn’t best pleased at the time but I told him to keep his opinions to himself which he largely did.

Would you let your daughter dress up as a pirate? Ofcourse you would. My brother was a beautiful princess and so was my sons. They had plenty of dress up clothes so one day princess, one day a ninja etc. Why limit their imagination. I can reassure you (eg your dh) none of three have become trans or gay🙄..