Do you let your little boy wear dresses?

[FanofLeaves]

DS3 is a big fan of Frozen. I’m not a ‘Disney adult’ or anything like that, my first time seeing the film was at the age of 39. He loves the songs from it too and belts them out at any opportunity. His two best friends at nursery are girls and they have frozen dresses to prance about in so he asked me to get him one too so he could join in. He’s now the proud owner of the sparkly purple number that Elsa wears at the start of Frozen 2.

He’s not content just wearing it at nursery and has been wearing it at a family gathering over the weekend and singing his songs. His girl cousin had a couple of other princess dresses at her house and they had a wonderful time dancing and singing all over the garden in various frocks.

The problem is DH, he wasn’t with us but saw the pictures on the family group chat and has asked me to ‘dial down the dress thing’ as he says it’s just not something I should be indulging or encouraging. FWIW this is completely led by DS who also loves dinosaurs and cars and what not and I know him dressing like Elsa doesn’t mean he wants to be a girl or any of that nonsense. I doubt it’s a lasting phase but one he seems to be really enjoying. He did asks me if he’d ‘grow into a girl’ and of course I said no, because you are a boy.

So my question is, do you or would you allow your little boy to dress or pretend to be a princess? I can’t put my finger on what DH’s problem is with it (and he can’t seem to eloquently put it into words either, just that he doesn’t like it) or if I should take his feelings into account and, as he said, ‘dial it back’. While I don’t actively encourage I don’t deny anything either, when he asks to wear the dress I just put it on him.

My 7 year old love what he calls pretty clothes, sequins right now but it was dresses at one point.

Lots of things are different now to previous generations but if suicide is the ultimate expression of unhappiness, far fewer people commit suicide now than in 1980, for example. I appreciate we hear about 'gender issues' a lot more now but we also still live in an incredibly gendered world so I don't think you can say that lack of gender stereotypes is causing the issue. Walk into any toy shop and it's very clear which toys are for girls and which are for boys - more children might be questioning that now but the answer is to say any toy is for any child, not to try and stop them questioning.

This brings back memories of having to carry my 3-year-old cousin out of ASDA screaming because he wanted an Elsa wig. He eventually got the wig AND dress and lived in it for 6 months.
Various family members accused us of training him to be 'gay'. Which got ignored and shut down
He's now a stereotypical monosyllabic 14-year-old who lives in North Face and Monitrex (but still secretly loves a musical)

Yes, as much as he wants to.

He's five years old and loves princess dresses and mermaid skirts. He has a couple of princess dresses and one mermaid skirt and ops to wear them fairy often, maybe once every couple of weeks. He enjoys wearing them to classmates' parties, or just out and about.

It brings him so much joy to wear them and twirl around and be like his friends (most of whom are girls). I can't say anyone has batted an eyelid amongst friends or strangers. At the park or supermarket strangers say they love his dress, if they say anything at all. Family either compliment it or say nothing.

He is old enough to understand that some people think only girls should wear dresses and only boys should wear dungarees and that that's a bit silly because people can wear whatever they like. He did once hear a kid at the park say why is that boy in the a dress, and ignored them. I asked later what he felt when they said that and he said he didn't feel anything cos he was too busy having fun playing.

If/when he wants to wear them more often that's fine, if he stops asking to wear them that's fine. What matters is that he knows we love him, we love everything about him, and we support his freedom to choose what he likes to wear (as long as it's safe/context-appropriate etc.).

I wouldn’t have a problem with it - letting them explore playtime doesn’t mean that they’re going to grow up trans or even confused! If my daughter wants to dress up as Batman, I’m not going to wag my finger at her and tell her that she needs to be Catwoman for pete’s sake. It’s that simple.

My little lad chose bright pink glasses, and loves wearing princess dresses/mermaid skirts out and about. He's only 5yr but it's interesting and lovely how his classmates don't bat an eyelid or see it as anything unusual or different. I'm sure that will change perhaps as he gets older, if he continues enjoying those items of clothing. It's great your son is so confident in what he likes that he chooses not to let silly comments stop him.

I suspect your DH is worried his son may become gay or less masculine if he wears a princess outfit which is such a ridiculous and old fashioned view.

Your DS is 3, he likes it because at 3 it gives him joy to use his imagination, play, sing, be like the princess in Frozen and join in with his friends.

You and your DH could say no you can’t wear it or play dress up but at 3 he is too little to understand the reason why and it will just make him feel shitty and that there is something wrong with him.

It is a DH problem for him to work on.

my favourite picture of da from nursery is him walking around in his tracksuit and cardi I dressed him in, with a pair of dressing up high heels, a construction hat - carrying a ah bag and a screwdriver and fixing a toy car.

just about sums up being 3!!!!!

Material that you put on your body doesn’t make your gender.

The costume sounds like a fancy dress outfit. I wouldn't let a son or daughter wear that to a family gathering. I'd save it for playtime.

Wouldn’t bother me at all! I’ve never been in that position - my DS5 is the most ‘stereotypical boy’ you could possibly imagine but if he was into princesses/dresses etc you best believe they’d be right up there with his superhero dressing up outfits 😊 I’ve raised him from day one that there are no ‘boys things’ and ‘girls things’ and that everyone can simply like what they like

I remember my little brother being obsessed with anything ‘girly’. He was 6 years younger than me and would spend every waking second with me when I wasn’t at school - he loved dolls houses, barbies, princess dresses, make up. I remember my dad going absolutely mad at me when I was about 9 and my brother was about 3 because I was “turning him into a gay boy”. Even at that young age I couldn’t understand his mindset, and still couldn’t now. Insanity!

My DS 4.5 has a fairy princess skirt in his dressing up box and he will just randomly decide to wear it. If we're going somewhere it's not practical (playground etc) I remind him it's harder to climb etc in a skirt and it might get ripped or muddy and he usually takes it off. I don't stop him wearing it to the supermarket or out for a walk etc. If anyone comments on it, they usually compliment his style (he's usually wearing a superhero or dinosaur T-shirt with it). He's worn it to nursery a couple of times and once he said his friend didn't like it, I asked how he felt about what his friend said and he didn't care, he still wanted to wear it. I don't see any need for parents to enforce gendered clothing so young - it's such a brief period in their lives when they are genuinely free to explore and I love that he can be both a princess and Batman at the same time. If it makes your DH uncomfortable seeing a little kid in a dress playing at being a princess I'd say he's the one with the masculinity issues

We had a mix of items - sometimes daughter would be dressed as Spider-Man and son dressed as a fairy, sometimes they’d both be princesses, sometimes they’d be hulk and Ironman, sometimes Spider-Man with a tiara and princess shoes or Snow White with a shield and an eye patch. It’s just fun, imaginative play.

My little one, nearly 3 wears all the dress ups wether its princesses or marvel, i dont see it being a problem at all.

My son has never shown the slightest interest in wearing anything but "boy's" clothes. In fact, up until the age of about 8 or 9, he barely cared at all what he wore.

My DD on the other hand, has been extremely fussy about what she wears from the age of about 4, refuses all dresses and skirts or anything even a little bit "girly" and would live in spiderman t-shirts and football shorts.

No sparkly dresses here! But to answer the question, I let them wear what they want and only draw the line at things that don't fit, are scruffy or are dirty.

Oh fuck. I’ve gone way beyond gender stereotyping. My kids are going to be so confused - dressing up has included everything from pumpkins to unicorns. For me, I don’t see kids dressing up as a demonstration to others of how outrageously “out there” my parenting is - it’s such a banal thing.

It would be laughable to hear someone debating whether a woman should wear trousers to the office or if a man should wear a pink shirt with his suit. These were considered OTT in the not too distant past.

I did. I have pictures of him wearing tutus while playing ballerinas with his 3 girl cousins.

as a teen he liked to wear eyeliner and nail polish. He starred as Britt in a production of We Will Rock You in a blonde wig at 17.

now he’s the proud father of two DC with a beautiful girlfriend.

I did. It's just clothes.

Would your DH be bothered if a daughter dressed up as spiderMAN? Or SuperMAN? Or any other male character? Prolly not..

I think dressing up outfits are fine. I’d probably not buy my boys random day to day dresses though.

Nothing wrong with any sort of fancy dress for playtime! Fun, imaginative play is great for their development and I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if DD was spiderman and DS Elsa. But I wouldn’t let my DD or my DS wear a princess dress to a bbq (I have a fear of them being anywhere near flames after what happened to Claudia Winkleman’s poor daughter) or to the supermarket (just not practical, could trip) or a non uniform day at school (too sweaty and scratchy to be comfy in all day) so would shut all those right down if they asked.

If you actually read the thread i said i had no issues with dressing up i said i wouldn't buy my son a normal dress or let him go outside in public in a dress. I stand by my opinion

I did. DS went through a phase of wearing a fairy costume with wings. Then he moved on to being superman, spent a massive amount of time dressed as a doctor, then Harry Potter and then got obsessed with being a soldier.

He hasn't worn a skirt since he was about 5. But his brother who never wore skirts in childhood, got into fashion and now does sometimes. He's not a cross dresser, he wears quite masculine skirts - when he lived in a Muslim area, no one noticed as he was wearing long black or grey skirts like all the other men around.

I think it's far more damaging to make a big deal of it. Don't encourage or discourage. Pay little attention to it. He'll either outgrow it or continue to like what we think of as traditionally female clothing. Doesn't really matter, either way.

I think the very best thing you can do is let him crack on wearing what he likes without making a big deal of it.

It is in all likelihood a phase, but most kids will find something even more attractive if opposed.

My dd had a dresses phase when he was pre school. I also have a dd who is 5 yrs older so it was to be expected! We didn’t make a big deal at all. When he started school, he then saw another boy dressed as Batman and then basically lived as Batman for several years (yes he is ND, if that makes any difference! Has ADHD). Then he was Thor for a long time.

At age 11 he doesn’t live in dressing up clothes of any kind any more!

Both of my brothers had phases as young men where they liked anything that comes with a dress code element (so things like rock music) so I think there maybe something in males that would like to dress up but they don’t get to as much as women - I don’t think either of my brothers are ND.

Oh that’s so strange - your post is so like mine and I hadn’t seen yours when I was typing!