Do you let your little boy wear dresses?

[FanofLeaves]

DS3 is a big fan of Frozen. I’m not a ‘Disney adult’ or anything like that, my first time seeing the film was at the age of 39. He loves the songs from it too and belts them out at any opportunity. His two best friends at nursery are girls and they have frozen dresses to prance about in so he asked me to get him one too so he could join in. He’s now the proud owner of the sparkly purple number that Elsa wears at the start of Frozen 2.

He’s not content just wearing it at nursery and has been wearing it at a family gathering over the weekend and singing his songs. His girl cousin had a couple of other princess dresses at her house and they had a wonderful time dancing and singing all over the garden in various frocks.

The problem is DH, he wasn’t with us but saw the pictures on the family group chat and has asked me to ‘dial down the dress thing’ as he says it’s just not something I should be indulging or encouraging. FWIW this is completely led by DS who also loves dinosaurs and cars and what not and I know him dressing like Elsa doesn’t mean he wants to be a girl or any of that nonsense. I doubt it’s a lasting phase but one he seems to be really enjoying. He did asks me if he’d ‘grow into a girl’ and of course I said no, because you are a boy.

So my question is, do you or would you allow your little boy to dress or pretend to be a princess? I can’t put my finger on what DH’s problem is with it (and he can’t seem to eloquently put it into words either, just that he doesn’t like it) or if I should take his feelings into account and, as he said, ‘dial it back’. While I don’t actively encourage I don’t deny anything either, when he asks to wear the dress I just put it on him.

There is a safety element with dressing up clothes generally, that is true.

I agree with this. My 4 year old ds has never shown any interest in "girly" clothes luckily. We have pink toys and "girls toys" at home, just incidentally as I don't see why boys shouldn't play with dolls.
But i wouldn't want my son going out in a dress, I wouldn't want people thinking I was pushing some kind of idealogy on him.
Years ago wouldn't have minded as it meant nothing but too much controversy in this area at the moment.

There are many cultures and countries in the world today where men wear dresses and skirts.
It's just material.

Your son is so young and doesn't understand our cultural constructs around clothing, and it doesn't matter at his age.

Let him full expression of this phase and it will pass quicker than if you forbid or restrict it!

Yeah that’s interesting as I suppose that’s also a hang up I have. That people might think I’m encouraging it deliberately to challenge gender ideals or whatever or to push DS into saying he really wants to be a girl. (He has said that before but he also said he wanted to be a grasshopper in the same day so it’s not something I’d run with) weirdly he has this ‘when I was a little girl’ thing going on where he tells us all sorts of details about a life that is definitely not his 🤣 no idea where it came from to us it’s just a three year old making up stories)

DS never cared about dresses but wants me to colour his nails when I'm doing mine. He's 5 now, so I just put a transparent layer on his nails these days if he asks.

My DS insisted he wanted to be a girl for months until he realised that boys can grow moustaches and beards.

No I wouldn't allow my male child to wear a dress, fancy costume or otherwise. So glad they never went through that 'phase' either. And no I won't reply to the abuse I'm sure to get for posting this. I stand by what I've said and don't care if you don't like my stance!

I think your DH is a bit of a dinosaur 🦕

I have no issue at all with the dress but these kinds of threads always amaze me with the amount of parents who let their 2,3,4,5yo's who pick their own clothes.

We'd have been leaving the house with non weather appropriate / non practical / dirty (😮) / dress up clothes if I let mine decide at those ages.

It’s all a lot easier when you have dc of both sexes around the same age. They both played with everything. Ds wore whatever he wanted at home (or didn’t - we had a full nudity phase too) but I wouldn’t have encouraged princess dresses etc at church, or among people who would have commented negatively. That was actually the point I dropped a few people from my social circle. I was wary of the school yard too because that was the kind of thing that could “stick” to your reputation when I was in school but I think it’s much more acceptable now, and I doubt anyone would bat an eyelid on the school run.

I’ve no idea how he’s turned out - he’s yet to show any interest in either girls or boys. 😂

To be honest this is completely alien to me and wouldn’t have been allowed in our house. My brother would have had the piss ripped out of him had he done this where I was brought up. Times clearly have changed.

My boys wear dresses, tutus and fairy wings. Usually to dress up at home, but occasionally when we're out and about. They also wear knight, dragon and spiderman costumes etc.

My adult brother used to do the same and is a "conventional man" these days.

Children like to play and make believe. It's only harmful if you approach it in a harmful way.

No, to be honest. Dressing up probably wouldn’t bother me but I definitely wouldn’t be skipping down the street in a Frozen dress!

I think it depends on the child. There are children who wear what you put them in, and there are children who have VERY strong opinions about what they will and won't wear. If you have the second kind, you pick your battles - he's clean, warm and dry, but I'd personally prefer joggers to leggings (more hard-wearing), and the 'no short-sleeved t-shirts' phase was annoying. Basically, though, if it doesn't actually matter, I'm not going to make it into a battle.

As long as my 2 year old is clean and it's weather appropriate, he can wear what he likes. Sometimes he doesn't care but other times he really, really wants to wear a certain top or whatever and I just shrug and let him.

My eldest went through a very short phase of dressing up as Cinderella. I let him wear the dress in the house. He asked to wear it out, I said no. That phase very quickly passed and now he wouldn't be seen dead in a dress.

Mine used to often prance about in dresses and little plastic sling backs when he was playing make believe games with his friends. No problem at all. Other days he’d wear a lion outfit or be Buzz Lightyear.
The only problem I have with it is when people start saying nonsense such as “he may be born in the wrong body”.
Kids can dress up however they like and it doesn’t need to be a big deal, it’s just pretend.

Give your DH a copy of The Boy in the Dress

No David Walliam material is allowed on the premises 🤣

I have one DS and two DDs.

It’s a less common occurrence now they are a little older, but for a long time, DS just wanted to play with his sisters 🤷🏻‍♀️
So if they were dressing up in princess dresses and having a pretend tea party, he’d absolutely throw on a princess dress and get involved. Zero problem - it’s just kids playing together.
I treated DS no different to my girls when it came to costumes outside of the house - if it’s appropriate for the occasion? Fine. If he wanted to be a princess for Halloween, or had been invited to a princess-themed birthday party for example. Again, it’s just kids dressing up.
If we are going out for dinner, or it’s a special occasion like a family party, everyone is wearing proper clothes. No one is going out in a dress up costume regardless of their sex.

I think the Trans issue has really changed how I feel about this sadly. My youngest DS went through a Frozen/ glitter / princess dress phase when he was about three. I just let him have fun, it lasted about six months and he's now a very happily male 11yo. But now I think I'd worry that people would start foisting 'born in the wrong body / you must have a girl brain' gubbins on him so would probably feel more cautious.

Why are you posting under a different username OP?
@FanofLeaves

My manly engineer brother spent a solid year when he was 4/5 obsessed with my Snow White costume and plastic high heels. It was a phase, he was copying his big sis and he was allowed to explore that phase safely and in a loving environment where he was not made to feel ashamed or like he needed to question why what he was doing was wrong. Even if ds does grown up gay or questioning his gender, that will have nothing to do with playing around with his cousins in a dress… your DH is projecting.

He’s only 3 there’s nothing wrong with him wearing fancy dress when he’s out and about with you, including to the supermarket or on the train to London.

Mine wore his sparkly dress out on a country walk with me recently. We got lots of smiles and hello Elsa comments from passers-by.

Chances are this phase will pass very quickly, enjoy the cuteness while it’s here!

Aww my lovely boy was a fantastic chubby and stout Anna for a while when he was 3/4. His older sister was Elsa obsessed and they'd reinact scenes from the film. Loads of school pick ups I'd take him dressed as heavy Anna. He's 7 now and I've not seen him in a dress for a while but does occasionally dress up as his sister. He's quite stereotypically 'boyish' in most ways atm, not that I give a shit.