Went down husband’s phone

[PulpKitchen]

I’ve been down my husband’s phone and found messages between him and his male friend. It goes like this:

• My husband sends a picture of his female colleague who he is due to stay away with for work “This is her”
• His friend: Nice! She looks a bit like (your wife)
• Husband: She’s 22 years old (aubergine emoji)
• His friend: Are you going to try it on?
• Husband: No, a few years ago maybe, but I’m more senior than her at work now, so can’t overstep the line. She’s so sweet though (aubergine emoji)
• His friend: We’ll see after a few pints
• My husband: 😂

OK. What do I do here? This trip was in the past and has happened, and I don’t think the woman went anywhere near my husband, however this conversation has disturbed me. I don’t want to split or anything drastic. Should I let him know I’ve been down his phone? If I do, he’ll change his password? I’m so angry. Am I being unreasonable?

Especially given that this is in the context of a workplace where he seems to have a senior role. It is gross misconduct.

What's that got to do with what I said? The two things are completely separate. OP's husband is a dickhead, clearly, but that doesn't mean people should go through each other's phones.

NO IT IS NOT! There is zero actual legislation on a spouse looking at their spouse's mobile. Please just stop this. It's getting ridiculous.

Cars are often 'computerised' today. So are ovens even. Almost everything to an extend is 'computerised'. But if you steal a car you wouldn't be charged under the computer act.

This is ridiculous. There is precisely zero legislation that says a spouse can't look at their own spouse's phone. Zero. You and I both know it.

No, they did not. They did not provide evidence. They provided a link that has precisely zero to do with the topic. They may as well have provided a link to the Safe Boating Act for all the relevance it had.

Which could be before the OP and her husband got together. How long has he been mates with the guy he sent the text to?

Wrong. That poster provided zero evidence. It is NOT illegal to 'snoop' on someone's phone any more than it is illegal to read someone's diary. There is absolutely zero legislation that says snooping or reading is a crime. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Now lets end it here.

And the fact that you dare school a lawyer on their own profession is galling! I think they'd know far more than you on this topic.

You’re a wee bit behind the times. I can make telephone calls equally well on my mobile phone, my tablet and my desktop computer. Functionally, there is no difference, apart from screen size, between my iPhone and my IPad. In fact, my iPhone has more memory and a faster processor, so it could be argued it’s more of a computer than my iPad.

I don’t need any legal qualifications to understand that a modern smartphone is, in effect, a very powerful pocket computer. Are you really suggesting otherwise?

It could be marked as gross misconduct, but a mitigating factor would be that it was a private conversation between two people and we don't know the previous conversation between them about the young employee.

Och, get off your high horse. Even if you are a highly experienced solicitor, you’re not the arbiter of this discussion.

I'm sure it violates the Equality act.

No but a solicitor would know the law.

Yet you haven’t explained why a smartphone is not a computer.

Honestly - trust your gut. My spider senses were pricked by an almost completely innocent text I saw by accident. It just didn't sit well with me and it turns out he was having an affair for years and I had absolutely no idea.
I really hope it is just gross male banter though.

Why? In what area?

I don’t know what previous conversation could mitigate a senior member of staff sharing photos of a young woman he line-manages and using dick emojis as he discusses whether or not he’s going to try to have sex with her.

Most workplaces would consider that beyond inappropriate.

I already have. The same way a computerised car is not a computer. The mobile phone is designed for making calls. Just as a car is designed for driving.

All these people saying you shouldn’t have snooped just because you thought he was acting cooler - surely what you found justifies what you did?! You thought something may be going on, and you discovered that your husband is totally disrespectful of you and your marriage.

Yes, you are, with every new post.

https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/computer-misuse-act this includes mobile devices. And there is no leeway for spouse or partner access without explicit permission. Search the page for the word "mobile"

Why?? Because this man was sharing a photo of his colleague, one he is senior to, with his mate in a sexual manner. You honestly think there is no legislation against this behaviour?
If it is not under the equality act, it'll be somewhere. If you are s solicitor and can me different then okay, but i'm shocked if that's the case.

She isn't, she was referring to @ByGreenHiker who is. Remember, @SamiSnail can't even grasp that a smart phone is a computer so do you really think she would have the intellect to qualify as a solicitor?

So if snooping doesn’t find anything, is it wrong then?

That’s not how privacy works.

A bill. An email ?

he sounds controlling and abusive and tbh better off without him if you feel that stressed he may and it’s May find something he doesn’t like

@PulpKitchen yes looking at phone was wrong but if he won’t talk ……

banter can mean so much. Everything is banter when could be bullying for example

only you know if it was banter between two mates but even so it’s 🤮

only you can decide whether to be with someone who has so little respect for you