Went down husband’s phone

[PulpKitchen]

I’ve been down my husband’s phone and found messages between him and his male friend. It goes like this:

• My husband sends a picture of his female colleague who he is due to stay away with for work “This is her”
• His friend: Nice! She looks a bit like (your wife)
• Husband: She’s 22 years old (aubergine emoji)
• His friend: Are you going to try it on?
• Husband: No, a few years ago maybe, but I’m more senior than her at work now, so can’t overstep the line. She’s so sweet though (aubergine emoji)
• His friend: We’ll see after a few pints
• My husband: 😂

OK. What do I do here? This trip was in the past and has happened, and I don’t think the woman went anywhere near my husband, however this conversation has disturbed me. I don’t want to split or anything drastic. Should I let him know I’ve been down his phone? If I do, he’ll change his password? I’m so angry. Am I being unreasonable?

Agree, these messages are the sign of someone who has cheated or who thinks away day liaisons with work colleagues are somehow not cheating or don’t count. Sorry OP. Have worked with them too.

Ah, I missed that bit. Well if he won’t talk about it and just shuts down and won’t communicate then they don’t have a marriage. That’s the biggest red flag to me, that and the snooping/lack of trust.

My husband went through my phone and found something he didn't like and took it out of context. Caused no end of arguments and he still brings it up now. I told him I don't go through his phone because I might not like what I see, and that I respect his privacy.

I think you should have spoken with your husband instead of going through his phone.

I now live on edge in case there is something on my phone I don't want him to see (a bill, an email, a message, etc) that he might take out of context and daren't change my passcode because I now know he will go through it and if I change my passcode he will think I have something to hide, and I don't but don't want him knowing all my business

I think you should have spoken with your husband instead of going through his phone.

OP has already said her husband refuses to communicate, won't discuss anything at all, and it leads to breakdown, @sonoonetoldyoulifewasgonnabethisway . So she was left with no choice.

With you case, it's sad. But you say you don't want him knowing your business. What? He's your husband! There should be no 'your' and 'his' business. There should be no secrets. You speak like you're single instead of one half of a couple.

That sounds really hard, and it's the reason I don't go through my partner's phone. Privacy issues a side I probably would find something I don't like. We've all vented to a a friend or relative about a partner and it would probably be something like that. I know those things exist on my phone

Can you just when you Ve got some time? Go through your entire phone and delete absolutely everything you think.Would be problematic.

Then, when anything comes in, that's problematic now on, just delete it

omg I know! Absolutely don’t blame you but it does sound like he has done things like this before in your marriage

What are you talking about?

Genuine question: what crime is committed by going through a person's phone? I'm assuming the relevant jurisdiction is England.

Doing so is contrary to Section 1 of the Computer Misuse Act 1990.

Its messages to family member discussing an arguement we had had - why should i tell him i spoke to my sister about it and called him a dickhead

Yes, especially your own spouse. Which is something you'd expect spouses to do. At least spouses in a secure, stable marriage with no secrets. I don't see any crime.

This!

I snooped on ExH phone, as I knew something was off. I found messages between him and my best friend talking about all the sex they were having. But obviously, my crime was the greatest eh? 🙄

I will never understand the "crime" of looking at someone's phone. If you aren't up to no good, why all the secrecy? The day that I have to hide my phone from DH, is the day I will know that our marriage is over. He is asleep right now after a night shift and his phone is in the lounge, not under his pillow. Get a grip!

I'm so sorry op. He sounds awful. I wouldn't want to stay In a relationship with him. Not just for what he has said on his phone but also because he doesn't discuss feelings or emotions. I couldn't be in a relationship with no Intimacy or depth. Neither the lack of loyalty or misogynistic ways.

I hope things improve for you op in whatever way you need them to.

Doing so is contrary to Section 1 of the Computer Misuse Act 1990.

I hope he leaves too, the op deserves better, much better. He's a lech. 🤢

I'd wager that spouses are exempt.

You’d be wrong.

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1990/18/section/1

Thank you. The section (for anyone interested) is here:

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1990/18/section/1

The offence requires that a person cause a computer to perform a function to (among other things) secure access to data without authorisation. I imagine that authorisation can be implied through (for example) circumstances and the habits of spouses.

(cross-posted)

And I hope you fall head first into a bucket of shit. What a spiteful, victim-blaming post that was.

I think the police have more crucial things to do than arrest someone for having a quick look through their spouses phone, however.

Perhaps, but PP doubted it was a crime, and I have quoted the legislation which shows it is, in fact, a crime, and has been for decades.

That is for a computer. Not a mobile phone.

That article is about things like hackers.

Nothing remotely to do with spouses using each other's mobiles.

And I'd really love to see a husband try to go to the police and want his wife charged for reading his phone. No police is going to be arsed even considering that bullshit!

So, no, it is not a crime.

a valuable lesson I learned the hard way is that if you feel the need to look through somebody’s phone, the relationship is already dead

A mobile phone is a little computer!