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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How bad is my situation - am i delusional?

303 replies

SharpOliveUser · 07/07/2025 13:32

Hi all,

need some perspective and advice. I am 32, childless by choice but married. Me and dh own our own home.

I earn 44,000 a year (my dh similar) but i am in quite a bit of debt. My partner knows i am in debt but not the extent. To be honest i wasnt aware of the extent - ive just been feeling more and more squeezed by the minimums.

when i’ve sat down and totalled it up my personal debt (credit cards and personal loans) is just shy of 50k. I am in shock.

this has been accumulated over the last ten years of living above my means/travelling.

However, the thought of tackling it seems so daunting - life is so short and there are so many things i want to do/ places i want to travel.

i also have a horse and he costs me a significant amount - i have recently considered sending him away for training as i dont currently enjoy riding him but now i am thinking maybe i should sell? I would get about 10k for him in the current market and as i say i dont enjoy him. However being a horse owner and an equestrian is such a big part of my identity so i am dragging my feet. Realistically when will i be able to justify buying another horse and i will miss the horse world very much.

i guess i just need some perspective on how urgent/ bad my situation is and some advice on how to proceed without getting too depressed. 😔

my only savings total 500 pounds

OP posts:
diddl · 07/07/2025 15:45

You owe more than your annual income.

That would be terrifying to me.

How did you ever think horse was affordable on your salary?

ButteredRadish · 07/07/2025 15:46

Poor horse deserves better. He deserves to be loved, rather than to just be considered a golden ticket into your beloved ‘horse world’

notatinydancer · 07/07/2025 15:46

Horses cost a fortune to keep. Sell it , and put the money you spend on him towards your debt. As pp’s have said , Martin Lewis Debtfree Wannabe forum.
Get a second job and pay all earnings off the debt.
It’s huge but doable.

ukathleticscoach · 07/07/2025 15:46

You could always live in the stables

Bimblebombles · 07/07/2025 15:47

Sell the horse definitely and use it to immediately reduce the debt.

Develop a payday routine - e.g. as soon as your wages come in pay some off your debt immediately.

If you've got an expensive car, sell that and get a small cheaper car.

JimmyHillsChin · 07/07/2025 15:48

If you don’t enjoy your horse then it makes no sense to keep him. Find him a nice new home and start paying your debts off with the £10k. I assume he was kept at livery? If so, use the money that you would have been paying for his keep to pay off your debts on a weekly/monthly basis.

Caligirl80 · 07/07/2025 15:48

The credit card debt needs to go. Immediately. Absolutely extraordinary that you are even asking the question!!! The APR on credit card debt is huge!

Stop wasting money on rubbish you don't need - and pay off those credit card bills. Anyone who carries a balance on a credit card is an utter fool - those things are just there to facilitate a purchase, not to use to take out a loan!! If you aren't auto-paying the statement balance (not the minimum payment, but the entire statement) every month you are making atrocious financial decisions and burning money for no reason. To do that just for a holiday or some frivolous stuff is crazy - I hate to think what the accrued interest is that you are now paying off!!!!

ruffler45 · 07/07/2025 15:49

Sooner or later there is going to be a bill that you cant pay on time within your credit limit .That day is within sight ACT NOW your situation is dire.

If you think things are bad now wait until you are declared bankrupt and all credit disappears for a very long time and wiil be very expensive if you do get any.

Ginghamsheep · 07/07/2025 15:49

ZorbaTheHoarder · 07/07/2025 15:21

And how does the horse feel about this situation?

I'd imagine he has neigh opinion!

threenaancurrywhore · 07/07/2025 15:49

It’s pretty bad, as others have said and some have shockingly minimised.

£50k debt. £500 savings. A horse you can’t afford. Do you have a mortgage? Pension? You’ve got a decent household income and no dependents, you should and can be in a better financial position than this.

I would 100% sell the horse to pay off a chunk of debt and reduce your outgoings. You also need to talk to your DH honestly, stop going on holiday until you learn how to manage money, and make a serious, committed but achievable repayment plan. (Not a total hairshirt one you can’t keep up with and end up splurging on something. You need to retrain your spending brain and that takes time. It’s an addiction.)

I think the shock of finding out the total is cushioning you a bit, your brain’s gone into protective mode and going “Ah, maybe it’s OK, maybe you can travel” because if you actually faced up to reality, I think you’d have a nervy b. Maybe it will sink in over the next few days.

Caligirl80 · 07/07/2025 15:50

diddl · 07/07/2025 15:45

You owe more than your annual income.

That would be terrifying to me.

How did you ever think horse was affordable on your salary?

The issue here is clearly a complete lack of rational thought. The OP didn't "think" - they just wanted stuff and decided to worry about how to actually pay for it later. Sadly this happens all too often - and people living beyond their means is one of the reasons the prices for everything have increased for everyone else. Anyone who views credit cards as anything other than a way to avoid carrying actual cash with you to buy something (or a source of some air miles) is a mug.

CurlewKate · 07/07/2025 15:50

Are you absolutely sure you’ll get 10k for an unridable horse? What’s his issue?

Paganpentacle · 07/07/2025 15:51

Get an IVA.
Its 5 (6 if you're a homeowner) years of pain and repayments and restrictions... but after that you are debt free.

Ribecx · 07/07/2025 15:53

You have MINUS £50,000. You cannot afford a horse. Jesus.

If your bank balance was zero would you take out a £10,000 loan to buy a horse?

(...doing this would actually still leave you 5 times better off than your current situation!)

And you're not even riding it.

This is bonkers.

Obviously you need to sell the horse and start paying off your debt.

Caligirl80 · 07/07/2025 15:54

threenaancurrywhore · 07/07/2025 15:49

It’s pretty bad, as others have said and some have shockingly minimised.

£50k debt. £500 savings. A horse you can’t afford. Do you have a mortgage? Pension? You’ve got a decent household income and no dependents, you should and can be in a better financial position than this.

I would 100% sell the horse to pay off a chunk of debt and reduce your outgoings. You also need to talk to your DH honestly, stop going on holiday until you learn how to manage money, and make a serious, committed but achievable repayment plan. (Not a total hairshirt one you can’t keep up with and end up splurging on something. You need to retrain your spending brain and that takes time. It’s an addiction.)

I think the shock of finding out the total is cushioning you a bit, your brain’s gone into protective mode and going “Ah, maybe it’s OK, maybe you can travel” because if you actually faced up to reality, I think you’d have a nervy b. Maybe it will sink in over the next few days.

One would think the DH would be very concerned about this because married people typically share debts as well as income!! Unless all this credit card debt existed prior to marriage - but that's unlikely now given the interest rates on those debts are surely eating into community property (unless there's a prenup involved here). At her age she should have more than £50k in savings (and far far more in a pension/retirement plan) and less than £500 in personal loans (preferably zero) but it's people like OP who keep the credit card companies in business.

Fridaynightfish · 07/07/2025 15:55

Sit down and work out your incomings and outgoings.

Sell your horse and use the money you spend on him currently to pay off your debts.

Whatshesaid96 · 07/07/2025 15:55

Sorry if my DH wasn't honest about his level of debt then it would be a divorce for me. Why do you not communicate these things to each other when in a partnership?

Yes life is for living. I was diagnosed with cancer only a year older than you, I know what it's like looking at your own mortality very well. However if you were to lose your job or become ill then your lifestyle would change very quickly.

noidea69 · 07/07/2025 15:56

No one here seems overly concerned about your partner in all this.

You need to be honest with him/her, as if you own home together your finances are very much linked.

2andadog · 07/07/2025 15:57

@Caligirl80 actually interest free credit cards exist, and are a great way of building wealth IF you can afford to pay them off.

Sticking 10k in an investment ISA will get you 7-10% average interest a year, whilst using a 0% interest credit card will mean you can pay off the balance with the capital that's been earning you money whilst the "Borrowing" has cost you nothing. However, agreed, if you're carrying a balance on a card with a higher APR, it's burning money unnecessarily.

Cabbageheads · 07/07/2025 15:59

Whether you enjoy the horse or not is beside the point.

You can't afford a horse therefore you can't have one.

Gingercar · 07/07/2025 16:00

Equestrian here too. This doesn’t sound like the right horse for you anyway, and you can’t afford to send him for schooling, so get him sold. Store a few good rugs and tack. Get a share going with someone else’s horse. You’ll be able to throw a good few hundred a month at your debt when you don’t have livery costs or feed/farrier/vets bills. Once you have cleared your debt you can think again about getting another horse if sharing isn’t enough. You don’t HAVE to spend tens of thousands- you could even loan. But get your situation sorted first. It won’t actually take you that long if you put your current horse costs into the pot.

Viviennemary · 07/07/2025 16:00

I really don't understand how people in your position on a reasonable salary with no dependents can be so self indulgent as to get themselves into such debt. But you just have to try and pay the debt off as best as you can. And make economies in your day to day living. Not sure about the horse. Depends on how much you are attached to it amd if you cam find it a good home.

itstartedinthepeaks · 07/07/2025 16:01

There are the typical finger wagging MN replies; the ‘Jesus!’ and the lectures about ‘growing up’ because the OP is ‘40’ (no, she isn’t) but it is easy to slide into debt like this. It’s why I don’t allow myself credit cards.

Plenty of people have found themselves in debt and have got out of it too - but pontificating helps no one.

diddl · 07/07/2025 16:04

Sorry if my DH wasn't honest about his level of debt then it would be a divorce for me.

I would possibly feel the same!

I can't help thinking he must be as clueless as Op re how much things cost though!

OurMavis · 07/07/2025 16:05

It's not just the money raised by selling the horse (though £10k sounds a lot for an ordinary horse), it's the cost of keeping one. That could easily run to £10k a year.
It sounds like you have got to re-think your standard of living from scratch.

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