How bad is my situation - am i delusional?

[SharpOliveUser]

Hi all,

need some perspective and advice. I am 32, childless by choice but married. Me and dh own our own home.

I earn 44,000 a year (my dh similar) but i am in quite a bit of debt. My partner knows i am in debt but not the extent. To be honest i wasnt aware of the extent - ive just been feeling more and more squeezed by the minimums.

when i’ve sat down and totalled it up my personal debt (credit cards and personal loans) is just shy of 50k. I am in shock.

this has been accumulated over the last ten years of living above my means/travelling.

However, the thought of tackling it seems so daunting - life is so short and there are so many things i want to do/ places i want to travel.

i also have a horse and he costs me a significant amount - i have recently considered sending him away for training as i dont currently enjoy riding him but now i am thinking maybe i should sell? I would get about 10k for him in the current market and as i say i dont enjoy him. However being a horse owner and an equestrian is such a big part of my identity so i am dragging my feet. Realistically when will i be able to justify buying another horse and i will miss the horse world very much.

i guess i just need some perspective on how urgent/ bad my situation is and some advice on how to proceed without getting too depressed. 😔

my only savings total 500 pounds

Your horse is not your identity, and if you think it is you will also soon have to accept that bankrupt is part of your reality.

The horse has to go, and then start looking at what random stuff you bought that you can sell (like handbags etc) as you can soon pull a bunch back in.

Then final option is to extend your mortgage to clear the remaining debts

Then lose your house and have nothing

Before making any big decisions regarding your horse's future, you need to sit down and calculate your exact outgoings and seek proper advice about consolidating your debt into a manageable repayment plan.

Selling the horse may well seem a sensible option for you on paper, but is it the best option for your horse? Why does he need re-training? Are the training issues going to affect the type of home you could find, his value and his future?

Armchair psychology, but I wonder if subconsciously you're not enjoying him because you know your finances are out of control, and this is manifesting in whatever issues he is having.

Can you go diy and/or get a sharer who will invest a bit in training? Put him out on loan while you get your debt under control? If you can find a way to significantly bring down costs, which also safeguards your horse's best interests long term, then that would be a direction I'd consider first. If you can make considerable sacrifices/savings elsewhere and make it work, even if over a longer timescale, keeping him may feel something you are more deserving of, and therefore start enjoying more. Which ultimately would be better for your horse, than being shunted from pillar to post, as most horses with "issues" end up with.

Is this a troll post?

I'm 50k in debt but have a horse I don't enjoy anymore should I sell it.

I thought school holidays were a few weeks off

I am all for travelling and seeing the world and l always book holidays on a 0% credit card but this is stupid advice!

Sell the horse. Thats 40k debt then. How much will you save a month on horse related expenses? Pay that off your debt

Sell the horse yesterday.

Equestrian here, sell the horse, put the money you get to one side (or part of it at least) and throw every penny that you would normally spend on upkeep at your debt, plus everything else you can manage. In theory, ringfencing some money for a new horse will stop you feeling that you will never own again, and if you have to use it, at least you know you have tried everything.

Horse training! Girl, you have £500!

Given that you aren't enjoying the horse sell him. It isn't just the £10k towards the debt it is what you save in livery/insurance/feed etc that can ho toward the debt too.

I say this as someone who would rather sell a kidney than my horse so I understand, but your horse isn't right for you.

Don't think of it as giving up. Think of it as taking a break from horses to regain your love for it.

Plan for a year of sinking everything into the debt and going at it hard. The capital from your horse, plus any saleable equipment plus the savings you make will make a massive difference and in a year if you also reduce your interest rates you could be in a very different place.

Get on the money saving expert debt free wannabe forum and follow the advice about transferring to 0% deals and snowballing etc.

Set a target for that year and when you get there give yourself permission think about buying yourself a cheaper easier to keep horse. You may do it then or you may decide to wait longer.

In the meantime if you miss the horse scene look for a sharing opportunity to keep your hand in for vastly less outlay.

My advice would be different if we were talking a beloved irreplaceable horse or one that was unsellable but you aren't enjoying this horse. Do both of you are favour and find him his perfect owner.

Yes, you are delusional. You can’t afford your lifestyle. You are behaving like someone much younger. Sell the horse, sell everything else you can think of, pay off the debts as fast as you can.

Build yourself a new sense of self that doesn’t involve spending money.

Getting yourself in financially good shape is your new project. Engage in it with energy. I lived beyond my means in my early 20s and it was terrible. I got out of debt in 18 months and have never had debt since (mortgage and car loan aside). Learning how to live within your means and save feels AMAZING. You can do it. Lots of good advice on this thread. And yes, sell the horse.

Is the horse really worth as much as you think it is?

Even if it isn't, they are expensive and time intensive to keep and if your not even enjoying it that much then surely it's time to move on.

But I know from other horsey people it's not that simple!

I used to have horses, and now I have boats lol.

So the thing with the horse is, you don't enjoy him. You don't enjoy riding him. He costs the price of a second hand car. What do you spend per month on him? The real cost of horses isn't the price to buy and sell one but the ongoing cost. Would you keep a car on your driveway that you didn't drive, didn't enjoy and cost you £600 plus a month to keep? You would not. And that is something would take no labour, time or emotional investment from you. The horse has got to go he's draining you. You can get another horse in the future. One you actually use.

You probably need to get specialist advice on debt management/consolidation to make repayments affordable. The thing with debt is it sucks you in and because you have already had the experience or item you now don't feel like you want to pay for it. You need to work on your habits and mindset as much as tackling the issue.

What is it about travelling you love? Is it the luxury of being at an all inclusive and doing nothing? If so, you could replace that need with nice soaks in the bath, batch cooking some nice fake aways for a week's worth of indulgence at home and treat yourself to something nice and affordable like a cinema trip occasionally.

Or if it's getting out into the world and embracing new cultures, you can travel very cheaply all over the world, if you use websites such as work away and wooofing, where you help out on eco farms or similar in exchange for free accomodation, and do free courses in languages at home. Then you only have to save for flights and eat home made food whilst abroad. I'm talking about after the debts being paid off of course.

If you keep on like this, I'm rather afraid your identity will not be equestrian but bankrupt. You should sell the horse. It is not just the capital tied up with the horse but the cost of feed, tack, vet bills and shoeing. There is a reason why so few people own horses and that's because it is an incredibly expensive sport. Frankly you are one big vet bill from disaster.

Being blunt, if you ended up in a formal insolvency (bankruptcy, IVA) the horse would be the first thing that would have to go. With bankruptcy add to that your house. Missing out on a few holidays or your 'equestrian identity' would then be the least of your worries.

Get some independent debt advice (search free on moneyhelper.org.uk), be honest with your husband and sort things out before it's too late.

Also to add, you could even search for workaways which involve horses and share your knowledge and skills as a bonus to be picked for a stay.

It's the horse for me that I don't get.

You say you have £500 savings but you don't, you have £49,500 of debt...
Sell the horse.

Is the horse truly worth as much? But even if you'll get 5'000 (or 2'000). That is better than nothing and it will reduce your monthly outgoings, which would allow you to actually work on lowering your debt!

Sell the horse ASAP. Sell the horse as long as it has still any value and you have the chance to sell him to a fellow rider.

Any horse is one accident, bad incident etc. away from becoming an absolute money pit and being factually unmarketable / unsaleable.

Don't risk having to put him to sleep because you can't cover his vet bills / can't sell him. He doesn't deserve this.

Get some independent debt advice and inform your DH (potentially after having sold the horse, if that would make it easier / make you feel better).

Not strictly true, no. There aren't any restrictions on travelling or holidays but the likelihood is you wouldn't have the disposable income to do so and you can't incur more than £500 of credit so no more just sticking it on a credit card to worry about later!

Yep. And OP is also one vet bill / one health issue away from owning a horse nobody will want to buy. She needs to sell the horse as long as he still has any worth...

Horse has to go. You don't even like riding him! So that's a no brainer. You'll get 10k and save a fortune on horse expenses.

If you can't give up travel work out an affordable budget. No kids so you can go outside school hols etc. Look at how you can trim your income elsewhere. You have self declared as a "life's too short" person so you probably treat yourself all the time (coffees, clothes, eating out?) Work out budgets for those.

Can you look at improving career prospects/ earning more? £44k is a decent salary with no kids but it's not a luxury budget either, as you've discovered. If you want to spend more, you gotta earn more, sorry.

Can you consolidate debt, move anything to interest free finance, set up payment plans? You probably need proper advice on this.

With £500 to your name and your husband about to discover the true nature of your financial ineptitude, you just can't afford to play horseys anymore, no.