How bad is my situation - am i delusional?

[SharpOliveUser]

Hi all,

need some perspective and advice. I am 32, childless by choice but married. Me and dh own our own home.

I earn 44,000 a year (my dh similar) but i am in quite a bit of debt. My partner knows i am in debt but not the extent. To be honest i wasnt aware of the extent - ive just been feeling more and more squeezed by the minimums.

when i’ve sat down and totalled it up my personal debt (credit cards and personal loans) is just shy of 50k. I am in shock.

this has been accumulated over the last ten years of living above my means/travelling.

However, the thought of tackling it seems so daunting - life is so short and there are so many things i want to do/ places i want to travel.

i also have a horse and he costs me a significant amount - i have recently considered sending him away for training as i dont currently enjoy riding him but now i am thinking maybe i should sell? I would get about 10k for him in the current market and as i say i dont enjoy him. However being a horse owner and an equestrian is such a big part of my identity so i am dragging my feet. Realistically when will i be able to justify buying another horse and i will miss the horse world very much.

i guess i just need some perspective on how urgent/ bad my situation is and some advice on how to proceed without getting too depressed. 😔

my only savings total 500 pounds

@CandidHedgehog I have not read that article but also, add in shoes (if horse is shod) and even if it isn't a hoof trim is needed every 6 weeks. That could be £100 or £40 depending on shoes, add in insurance for the horse probably about £60 a month. You are right though, a couple of hundred a month is the very bare minimum. My horse costs about £700 a month on assisted DIY and when on full livery about £1000 a month.

And vet bills are crazy for horses!

Loan out a 10k horse and watch it depreciate instead of paying off 10k of debt? Just so someone else can enjoy it? Okaaay😂

If he’s a potential hoys horse then he really needs to be with someone who can ride him-he’s being wasted and depreciating in value….

It really isn't an easy position to get into, this is quite serious. And a loan generally means that they can give the horse back at any time, so don't treat a problem with a vet that becomes serious and it's back with the OP with career over and all the costs to cover. A loan contract is a bit of paper with no real holding in law, unless we are talking £500k horses. A £10k horse is relatively cheap really, a general run around. All it needs is a slight medical issue and the loaners hand it back so it becomes the OP's issue to sort out. Just get rid of the horse (said by a horse owner who would never sell a horse but I have the funds and means to keep it even when retired).

She was in New york within 9 months, maybe her partner paid, but more likely she's somehow fiddling her earnings /working cash in hand. She'll have been bankrupt coming up to a year now, she's off on another holiday again soon.

I don't know why we don't all just go on a mad splurge living the high life, then go bankrupt to pay it off. Seems it works out pretty well for Katie Price doing it that way too.

Because if her partner leaves her and she can't find anyone else to bankroll her life she'll hit rock-bottom very quickly. (And if she's not declaring all her income to her insolvency practitioner she'll get in a whole heap of trouble.). It's no way to live for anyone with any self-respect (which is why we don't do it). 😊

Thankyou for all the kind advice, especially from other equestrians - my lovely boy is going on sales livery next week. A few people have suggested i ‘dont even like him’ which is certainly not the case. I love him to bits and hes on full DIY livery but wants for nothing. I have simply, as a few people have suggested, overhorsed myself so i do not enjoy riding him. I love caring for him and had a cry into his neck this morning but its best for both of us. Ive gone through my spending and i spend on average 1k a month on him which has contributed to the debt but i will hold my hands up and say i’ve been in denial

I seem to have upset a few people with my naivety but have just wanted to be open about my situation- this has been built up over 12 years of trying to keep up with a MC lifestyle and i understand it needs to stop. Ive spoken and been honest with DH who as always has been lovely. Im on MSE now, doing alllll the overtime and selling my life on vinted but i think i will come back to this thread if i am tempted to slip into old ways

Well done OP, it can absolutely be done and you’ve made some hard decisions already telling your DH and agreeing to sell your horse. With the amount you will hopefully get for him and the amount you’ll be saving, you can be debt free in 3-4 years. I’m 1 year in with a similar amount to start and things are looking good 😊

There’s always someone holier than thou on mumsnet ready to give people a kicking rather than support - ignore them xx

Best of luck to you. I hope he finds a lovely home and that you find something nice to share while you get yourself out of this hole. You’ll be back on your feet soon.

10k (or hopefully more) from selling the horse, 12k a year you will save from not having him. If you sell some other things or look at other spending your debt will be halved by next year. It will still be pretty bad but another year of not paying fees for your horse and if you are cautious with other spending you will be down to nearer £10k, that's just another year of not paying horse fees.

You can clear your debt completely in 3 years, maybe less. Good luck.

Well done, OP! That must be incredibly difficult, I understand that the bond to a horse can be strong even if one doesn’t enjoy that particular horse. I’ve adored some horses I’ve never even ridden! (Okay, usually shetties for the children. But those ponies are spunky and adorable…)

reducing your outgoings by 1k a month plus the proceeds from the sale should make a massive difference. Especially if you’re disciplined and put all the proceeds and that 1k towards your debt.

Well done for facing the problem and listening to the (admittedly harsh!) opinions on the thread! So many people don’t or wait until it’s too late.

Would an accountability „buddy“ help? Your DH could be a good solution. But please feel free to always come back to this thread when / if you need some support.

You can do this OP!

It did piss me off OP those posters saying you didn't even like the horse. That was not what you said at all. But who needs to properly read and OP eh?

It's very sad that you will have to sell him but if you are over horsed without the debt then it doesn't sound like a great match for either of you.

I hope you take on the excellent advice you have been given, snowball the debt and it'll be gone sooner than you think.

Well done OP. Even though the advice here has ranged from "pulling no punches" to being overly critical, I think most people felt upset for you (I would feel utterly sick if I had that level of debt.) Anyway, it seems like you've done a reset and realised what's important in your life right now and how you can improve your financial situation so you can have a really good life in the future. And I'm so glad you've been honest with your DH and he's fully supportive so you can crack this as a team (as you should be). In a few years' time, when you're back on an even keel, you'll be on here giving other people advice as to how you turned things around. Very best of luck for your future OP. 🤗

Well done, OP! Taking the positives from this: if you transfer all of that horse spend into paying down the debt (don’t be tempted to divert it towards lifestyle creep), plus the sale of the horse, you’ll be debt-free in under four years. You’re young enough to then start aggressively paying into a pension instead.

Even if some of that horse spend was usually put on credit, creating the debt, at least you won’t be accumulating more, and with your income I think paying off before you’re 40 is totally doable. Doing it slowly is also vita for changing your mindset, I think: I know people who’ve had their debts wiped by parents or redundancy payouts and they’ve quickly slipped back into debt because they haven’t had to work their way back to baseline zero, it’s just been magicked away.

Well done OP, sounds like you’ve had your ‘lightbulb moment’.

All the best, OP. Hope you get back on solid ground quickly and can afford to get back into riding eventually.

You will feel much better about parting with your lovely boy once you see him happy and settled in a new home. Even if money is no object, it's no fun being over horsed. Once your finances are sorted out, if you really want a new horse, you can become an owner again but at least this time you will have a better handle on money. My DH pointed out that I could have a stunning jewellery collection with what I spend on my ponies (helpfully, he pointed this out after I spent a grand on mud mats!), but I know where my priorities are with my money. And I did pick up a lovely 1940s pave diamond pendant on ebay for peanuts so its not like I can't have anything nice, ever - I just have to find it dirt cheap! I am really glad your DH took the news well. You already sound a bit lighter and happier.

And I did pick up a lovely 1940s pave diamond pendant on ebay for peanuts so its not like I can't have anything nice, ever - I just have to find it dirt cheap! I

That sounds really pretty!

I'm not trying to derail the thread. But how did you know it's actually authentic? I am currently looking to buy some vintage earrings but feel really unsure about buying something online....

I've just realised that questions about shopping are rather inappropriate on this thread. Sorry... 🙈

We are being horribly inappropriate, but the best thing to do is to find a business seller who specialises in vintage jewellery on ebay, and when you make your purchase, bring it along to another jeweller to be authenticated. They can normally tell from the patina. Luckily, DH has a mate who is a jeweller! My pendant was filthy but once I cleaned it up, it sparkled. You do have a month to raise a complaint so if someone sells you something that isn't diamonds when they said it was, for instance, you do have the right to raise a case, so its not as risky as you think it is. The real danger is in overpaying because you get excited and have to have something, so do your research. I was incredibly lucky and was the only person who bid on my pendant and got it for £70!

Fair play OP. You’ve taken a kick up the arse from this lot with a lot of grace. Yes it’s excessive, but at least you’ve realised and are doing something about it. Good luck

another voice saying you are doing the right thing.

FWIW - I can easily see how £50k of debt can creep up when you have a good income and a horse. You keep having “one off” big bills for said horse (vet, needing a more powerful car to transport etc) which you put on credit and don’t completely pay off, but managing then another “one off” event happens, gets added, the debt is manageable, and it keeps going, as long as you can make the repayments, it doesn’t seem a problem.

The horse going won’t just give you a £10k ish lump to pay down bills and a bit spare money to repay from your monthly “running costs” from said lovely horse, but will take out a bit source of “one off” bills for a while, so you can pay down debt without it bouncing back up.