How bad is my situation - am i delusional?

[SharpOliveUser]

Hi all,

need some perspective and advice. I am 32, childless by choice but married. Me and dh own our own home.

I earn 44,000 a year (my dh similar) but i am in quite a bit of debt. My partner knows i am in debt but not the extent. To be honest i wasnt aware of the extent - ive just been feeling more and more squeezed by the minimums.

when i’ve sat down and totalled it up my personal debt (credit cards and personal loans) is just shy of 50k. I am in shock.

this has been accumulated over the last ten years of living above my means/travelling.

However, the thought of tackling it seems so daunting - life is so short and there are so many things i want to do/ places i want to travel.

i also have a horse and he costs me a significant amount - i have recently considered sending him away for training as i dont currently enjoy riding him but now i am thinking maybe i should sell? I would get about 10k for him in the current market and as i say i dont enjoy him. However being a horse owner and an equestrian is such a big part of my identity so i am dragging my feet. Realistically when will i be able to justify buying another horse and i will miss the horse world very much.

i guess i just need some perspective on how urgent/ bad my situation is and some advice on how to proceed without getting too depressed. 😔

my only savings total 500 pounds

1. Your situation is beyond bad.

It is a horrow show in an asylum I would fill for a divorce if I discover my DH is a lunatic on 44k a year and almost double that (75k) in dept.

1. You are not "esquaterian". Get yourself a personality that is not related to expensive poor animal you hate.

Guess your parents put so much into you hoping you will get an amazing career and now you want six income lifestyle on beyond half a cash. Get a grip.

I’d echo sell the horse. Offer yourself up as a groom for free rides to keep the horse identity going. Pay off your cards highest interest first and snowball them down.

@PeapodMcgeei was the same after I repaid my debt and it took me a while to relax a bit with spending money. I’m still ‘tight’ in some areas - old habits die hard 😂

Good advice here which I totally agree with.

On the whole “life is short” thing OP, you are 32. It is highly unlikely that you’ll run out of road any time soon. However if you did, your husband would be saddled with (scuse the unintended pun) and very much pursued for, your very large and ever-increasing debt left behind.

It’s good that you’ve sat down and faced the issue and now you need to start bringing the debt down. Firstly by selling your horse and as others have said, by getting debt management advice. You might consolidate it for example.

Your partner will understand if he can see that you have started to face it and manage down your debts.

I promise you, you will feel so much lighter and better without this hanging over your head and as pp have said, on your salary with no kids and some belt tightening and a debt management plan, you can get that paid off sooner than you think.

Sell the horse, recognise the travelling is going to go on ice for the next few years. Consider whether you can sell anything else or cut down, e.g. if you have a car go for one that is cheap to run.

It is highly unlikely that you’ll run out of road any time soon. However if you did, your husband would be saddled with (scuse the unintended pun) and very much pursued for, your very large and ever-increasing debt left behind.

Not actually true, unless any of it is secured against the house.

My standard thing - have read OP posts but not full thread.

None of the posts I have seen have addressed your identity. Of course there is no doubt that you should sell the horse, as you seem to accept. But I suspect you can continue in your horsey world without owning one if you want to accept the volunteering that goes with this. Do explore this if you feel your ID would be devastated by simply turning your back on horses.

And £40k is surprisingly manageable to repay if you follow the very good advice which is on MSE and I'm sure all over this thread. It will take time, yes, but it's satisfying to see the total reduce....

A horse that you don’t even like is an important part of your identity?

The truth is that your identity is a person who is delusional and riddled with debt.

And as for traveling? The only place you should travel to is between work and home.
There will be a day when you can live the lifestyle you like, but that day is certainly not today.

Your savings are negligible in relation to your debt OP. They are 1% of your debt. Even if you threw them all at your debt, you'd have to do that another 99 times to pay it all off - and that's ignoring all the interest that will be racking up in the meantime. It's a mess.

I say this not to be horrible, but to stress what a precarious situation you are in. You are one bad day away from financial Armageddon. You don't want that, and I'm guessing you don't want that for your husband either.

So, you need to sort it. The good news is, it can be sorted, the situation is very tight but not yet hopeless. You've had a lot of good advice on here, not least about selling the horse, which I won't repeat. What I would urge you to do is get yourself over to the Debt-Free Wannabe forum on Moneysaving Expert, where you will get massive help and support from people who know about this stuff, who've either seen it all before or been there themselves, and meet other people on the journey you're about to make.

Do it today. You'll sleep better tonight. Good luck.

I have been on horse riding holidays, where some of the riders had their own horse at their home. Their horse was at home, because the horse could not travel long distances. So they were paying double for a horse.

Your debt is possibly more than 50k

Start contacting step change or one of the other debt help agencies.

Many of us would love exotic holidays

Many of us would love to own a horse

Not many people can afford to travel & own a horse.

You are living a dream lifestyle

Start here.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan/?from=forum-guidesbar-debt-free-wannabe

https://www.gov.uk/options-for-dealing-with-your-debts

Such a weird way to look at riding holidays. If I go on a horseback safari in Kenya I'm hardly going to pop one of my horses in my hand luggage am I? But I'm a rider and I might want to ride on holiday. What on earth is wrong with that?

You need to see a debt councillor quickly, they are usually charity based and can put a hold on further interest being added and sort out a long term repayment and even drop the debt a great deal. If you don't your DH may be liable too and bankruptcy and divorce will ruin your life.
Please find a debt councillor today.

Is horse ownership really that expensive? I have a friend who hasn't worked for almost 20 years due to poor health so is on benefits who has just bought a horse for her kids. I know she has to pay for the stables etc but no idea how much. her dc also have weekly riding lessons. I was assuming its maybe not that costly if she can afford this on benefits. 🤷‍♀️

I would sit your husband down and tell him after you have a plan in place . Eg.
Sell horse
Do you have a large mortgage?
No more holidays until debt is paid off
Can you reduce food shop / eating out.
Your husband may have an idea on how he would do it , he might suprise you and have a stash of savings 💪💪

Please don't kick yourself. At the end of the day you work for what you buy, even if you've lived above your means. You've still earned your way in life, but nobody is invincible to the crap times in life and ending up in debt. The good thing is, you'll be able to pay it off - Even in small amounts and continue to live a good quality of life.

Call Step Change - Free debt charity who take a monthly payment from you and pay off your debts from most to least. It would mean not taking out anymore debts, but this will give you a chance to sell some assets and save. I love playing piano and I want a new piano, but don't need one. I will one day have a new piano, the same way you will one day have another horse. You'll just need to be patient. Kicking yourself will not improve your situation, but I do advise speaking to a professional about your spending habits.

You're gonna be OK.

Realistically when will i be able to justify buying another horse and i will miss the horse world very much.

Based on what you said, I am not under the impression that you have issues with justifying buying anything! It's he opposite that seems to be the problem.
Firstly, you need to sit down with your husband and be open and honest about your debt as you will need to plan managing it together. What I mean by that is it may mean cutting out the holidays and other expenses and he can't avoid being involved in something like that. Secondly, sell the horse and anything else you don't absolutely need. Thirdly, consolidate all debt (if it's not already been done) and make a plan of how you are going to pay it off and set the timeline for achieving that. Be prepared that this bit of late honesty is not likely to be well received. All sorts of reactions may follow and you need to be prepared for this too.

Wishing you all the best. We all make mistakes. It's what we are prepared to do to fix them that matters.

Contact your local women's support group or Citizen Advice Bureau. Once you have started to acknowledge your debt they will help you. Cut up the cards and sell the horse plus any tack . Imho but advice from debt specialist is available free and believe me they have seen much worse. Hold your head up, focus on the goal of getting it sorted and then when you have a plan you'll feel tons better. All the best.

Hello.
Easy position to get into. Personally make the horse pay for his keep. Loan him out. Use him for others to enjoy and you get to have the both worlds of the equestrian life. Your never justify buying another I dout . Once you see you dept reduce you may actually enjoy him. You have just basically fallen off your horse in the real world. Climb back on him. Give him the life he deserves.

Then, pay the minimum amount each month on all debts, but focus the majority of your efforts on that smallest account. Once your smallest debt has been repaid, move on to the next smallest debt and repeat the process.

Consolidating debt is the worse thing you can do. If OP is serious then a debt charity would be able to go through OPs options but she should start by telling the DH. From OPs update I’m to sure she’s looking for that kind of advice after all.

I also have a horse. The debt clearly needs sorting as soon as you can, as that is a huge amount and will only get bigger. I'd sell the horse, both to help with your finances, and because it doesn't sound like he is right for you. I'd then work towards paying off the debt. See if you can find someone else's horse to ride a couple of times a week to keep you sane, and buy another horse once you have the debt paid off and have saved a bit up. By then you should have more money available as it won't all be going on debt repayments.

In your shoes I'd commit 4 or 5 years to getting myself back into a position where I could comfortably afford to live my chosen lifestyle. I'd speak with my husband and make a plan together.

The horse would have to go, the money I save on maintenance and travelling would go towards my debt.

You're in such a strong position to make this change if you commit to it. Consider it a reboot.

And as for your age, I'm late 40s and a low income student again for now. Life happens whether you're making changes for your future or not. You can do this!

It really is - Horse and Hound have done a breakdown and it’s a couple of hundred a month minimum for basic care if it’s done on a DIY basis (the article says £80 a month for DIY livery but stresses food / bedding / hay is on top).

Add riding lessons and it will be three or four hundred a month - again minimum.

Add the cost of buying the horse and your friend must be getting the money from somewhere other than benefits. Maybe a family member is paying? If the money is going directly to the stables / the children, that wouldn’t affect her benefits.

www.horseandhound.co.uk/features/how-much-does-a-horse-cost-a-month-297517