To be a parent without a smartphone?

[AccidentalLuddite]

[This thread isn’t about children having smartphones. As DC get older I will need to understand more about that, but I’m not there yet!]

I don’t have a smartphone, never have. It’s just never something I’ve needed or wanted enough to be worth the expense.

DP doesn’t either. We have basic mobile phones for calls and texts, and a house admin computer on the kitchen table for everything else. This works for us.
But we worked out how to do the essentials of life before smartphones existed. Our DC are primary age and we recognise life is very different for young people now.

I wonder if we’ve unintentionally become the equivalent of the family without a TV in the 80’s?

I don’t want my kids to miss out on anything worthwhile. Its only come up a handful of times so far when I’ve not been able to join things like whatsapp groups. But we’ve not missed out on anything from not being on those and I’m glad not to be part of the drama they can attract.

What might DC miss out on if their parents don’t have smartphones? Could us not having them limit their opportunities? Anyone else in a similar position?

You're very fortunate that your DCs are either not of school age, or they are not yet at a school where WhatsApp is used.

At our school parent "reps" do most of the notification and reminders around school activities, and WhatsApp is used as a form of school comms.

I don't like it, but this is how it is.

I know there are pre-smart style phones which still have the ability to use WhatsApp, maybe this would be a compromise.

Otherwise, I utterly applaud you.

I’d love to do this. Although what I find easiest with a smart phone is all the school/club admin which is endless.

WhatsApp was used by school, clubs and activities for contacting parents with information, news, late cancellations etc. This was 20 years ago and was why I switched to a smartphone after not getting the hype of mobiles at all.

Additionally, play dates, parties, class notes from the reps etc were all via WhatsApp.

At secondary, sports fixtures, homework etc was all accessed via apps.

More and more things are becoming less easy without smartphones.

My parents really struggle now because they never got the hang of mobiles at all.

I think not using smartphones at all will land you in the same trouble later.

For my parents I now use my phone to manage their prescriptions and other NHS stuff, and also to access info as to when mum's carers have been. Also used to record physio instructions on a hospital visit.

I could do this on a laptop, but the phone is definitely way more convenient.

It also helps when DB or I are visiting parents as we use WhatsApp to share info or photos eg of letters or rashes instantly.

For me, checking in for flights home and having access to boarding cards is helpful.

I think also you knowing and understanding smartphones will help your DC as and when you give them access.

I would also want to be very familiar with smart phones before allowing DCs to have one.

Again, you may think a standard brick may be OK but often homework is via an app. Travel tickets/bus passes are electronic. Transport timetables are electronic and invaluable when trying to get to/from school and the train is cancelled, or the bus is on diversion. All social events are organised via WhatsApp or other SM apps.

Like it or not, the smart phone is part of modern living, and you are doing your DCs a disservice by not knowing how they operate, or being in a position to help them navigate them properly at a young age.

I think there are workarounds for many things without a smartphone, but it may make things harder. For example, you can use WhatsApp on a laptop or desktop.

At secondary school there seem to be a million different parent apps, although I think they can be accessed as websites if you don’t have a smartphone.

Being able to use Google maps on a phone while out and about is very useful. Many people also use tracking apps such as Life360. Train tickets, railcards, parking - all increasingly on phones. At work I have to use an authenticator app to log in to see payslips and book holiday. I get notified of appointments via the NHS app. Again, there are probably workarounds if you don’t have a smartphone.

You don't have to use a smartphone for anything you don't want to, but if you think of it as a portable PC then why not.

We have 1 parent in the class who actively chose not to be in the WhatsApp group. Another parent tried to text key things to her like whole class party invites, but inevitably that didn't happen every time, so there were times she didn't get the information e.g. people were planning a last-minute park meet up. A lot of photos are also shared on WhatsApp e.g. of parties. You might not be bothered about this - I often don't look too hard!

The school sometimes send fairly last minute emails e.g. if a club is cancelled. Are you regularly on your email e.g. for work? Whilst it doesn't happen much, I wouldn't want to miss them.

For me it was that there’s constantly some email or something that I can then respond to mid lunch etc. It’s just handy now I’m used to it.
Honestly I don’t think you or the kids are missing out otherwise but then we’re the weirdo 80’s family without a TV 😉😁

Both primary and secondary schools require use to use parent apps. Bloody secondary school has 4 separate apps for managing homework, payments, announcements, etc. Some of these may have desktop versions but they don’t always. Secondary age dc also has to use an app and they seem to ask them to use their phones for various things during the school day (taking a photo of information about an assessment).

It’s also about the speed you can access information. If you are always home in front of email, that’s one thing. But school often send out reminders at 1pm for something you need to bring to school to collect them at 3pm. If I had to rely on being at home looking at my email on my laptop to get that, I wouldn’t see it in time.

Lastly, parental controls on dc’s phones are managed via parent accounts. You have to have a smartphone to set and manage the parental controls.

Ah yes I’d forgotten about these!
Primary school are happy to send paper copies but it’s non negotiable by Secondary school

Everything my dc schools do are on apps. You can probably do them through a pc browser but paying for a school trip takes seconds on my phone. In terms of clubs, army cadet activities now have to be booked via the app, dance and drama updates are on Facebook, and my dc other drama group is on WhatsApp.

With teenagers, I don’t track them as such but can check find my phone and they will send a WhatsApp with a pinned location when they are out with friends so I know where they are (usually so I know where mum taxi needs to be 🙄).

life without a mobile sounds unnecessarily hard.

May be you can get a tablet for the whole family to use. Everything you can do on a smart phone you can do on a tablet and you can share one and keep it next to the laptop/ computer.

We had to use apps for maths, writing, homework, school comms.

Realistically your DC will grow up in a world where smartphones are the standard. While there are workarounds now, they will be increasingly less available as more and more of the population have never lived in a world without smartphones and internet.

Part of preparing them for the world is making sure they have the tools. If you don’t have the tools, then I don’t think there’s a risk there.

So many things are (rightly or wrongly) becoming via an app only. Parking the car, booking a taxi, even applying for some jobs.I can't access my work from home or my payslip without using the Authenticator app. Believe me I have complained enough times that this excludes elderly people and those who can't afford smartphones, but it falls on deaf ears. (I'm not in those categories myself so I guess my employers think I am fussing about nothing). You, however, must be pretty youthful if you have primary age children.I don't think you are doing yourself any favours by digging your heels in on this, as you won't change anything and you/your kids will end up missing out. Whatsapp is incredibly useful! Can't you just get a cheap android and just not install any social media, if that is the concern? And just say kids can't have smartphones till a certain age?

As they move through school there's a good chance you'll need to access key info. via whatever app the school uses. My son's secondary school uses a wet ink homework planner and insta to manage clubs. There are also 2 x other apps so it's a real mixed bag. Parent Pay can be managed via laptop/computer but in reality it'll be much easier to access and manage stuff on your phone. I won't even get started on bloody Google Classroom.

I can't understand why you wouldn't! Doesn't need to cost a lot, or need to be the latest one.

Whether we agree with tech moving on so fast, or not, we do need to keep up with it.

I'm quite torn on this: in some ways I think its enviable and knowing what we know about children and smartphones I think the more you can keep them out of family life, the better.

But I do think the reality is you limit yourself (and by association, your children) if you don't have access to WhatsApp and apps. School communication nowadays revolves around WhatsApp, as does most communication around clubs and extra-curricular stuff. It's quite hard to pay for things these days without apps. It just makes your life much slower and harder.

Also, while I think its good in principle to minimise the centrality of smartphones in young people's lives, I think if its taken too far it does ostracise them and make them (and you) look a bit ridiculous. I had friends as a teenager who weren't allowed to watch TV and the resentment and sense of alienation it caused outweighed the benefits of minimising the addiction, in my view. They were so marked out as "odd" that it caused endless problems.

For better or worse, smartphones are part of our lives and your children will have to learn to operate in a world where they exist. Far better to create an environment where they are used moderately and responsibly than to turn them into some sort of taboo.

Adult life is so much easier with a smartphone. Things like banking apps, travel apps, Google maps etc take so much of the grunt work away.

My children use their phones extensively for listening to music. MP3 players don’t really exist anymore and with more than one child it suits me best to have them listening on AirPods with individual devices.

Secondary schools use apps for paying for stuff like school dinners and trips as well as send out letters, reports etc

You should educate yourself on things like social media before your kids reach an age where they may want to view it. If you and dad aren’t tech savvy then they could be getting up to all kinds or falling victims to scams without you or him having a clue.

They are not expensive. You can get basic ones for under £100.

Life is becoming more smartphone orientated. More and more stuff is being done with smartphones.

So you risk not being able to do a lot of things you need to.

Plus because you have no experience of them you will find it hard to manage your childrens interaction with them.

Going without a smartphone is potentially a lot worse for a child than going without a TV. Because TVs are mostly just about entertainment (with some general education). Smartphones are actually about that and much more such as communication, bill paying, appointment booking etc.

Presumably you have a laptop or desktop? There is a WhatsApp app for desktop which may be able to sync with your brick phones.

Anything like ParentPay can be used on a computer if you don't have a smartphone.

I just remortgaged my house and two apps were required for the conveyancing!

My kid is in primary. The school has 3 apps- one for updates, and 2 for other admin/report cards etc. I believe all 3 are accessible via a desktop.
the class parents have a WhatsApp group and if I weren’t in the group we wouldn’t get many of the birthday invites or last minute meet ups with other kids/parents. In the group are organized teacher gifts, events for the schools etc.
eta. There is a 4th app for ordering lunches and this can only be done via the app.

Things I need my smart phone for for my kids
School whatsapp
Organising playdates on whatsapp
Birthday party organising whatsapp groups
PTA whatsapp group
School notifications
Football club whatsapp
Trampolining club whatsapp
School meals app
School homework app
Tracking my child on life 360
Contacting other parents on whatsapp
Payments for clubs
Holiday club app
School absence app
Kids bank card app
Travel passes app
Quickly ordering stuff i forgot to order from amazon that I need next day bht I am out.. for the kids eg friends b day present, reordering lost pe shorts, dress up day.
Ordering last minute supplies for food tech on just eat that I only found out about thr night before
Taikwando app
Spelling app
Times table app
Tracking my kids phone use
Internet management app
Third party authentication for playstation and microsoft accounts for the kids

I could get by without one but my life would be very much harder.