To be a parent without a smartphone?

[AccidentalLuddite]

[This thread isn’t about children having smartphones. As DC get older I will need to understand more about that, but I’m not there yet!]

I don’t have a smartphone, never have. It’s just never something I’ve needed or wanted enough to be worth the expense.

DP doesn’t either. We have basic mobile phones for calls and texts, and a house admin computer on the kitchen table for everything else. This works for us.
But we worked out how to do the essentials of life before smartphones existed. Our DC are primary age and we recognise life is very different for young people now.

I wonder if we’ve unintentionally become the equivalent of the family without a TV in the 80’s?

I don’t want my kids to miss out on anything worthwhile. Its only come up a handful of times so far when I’ve not been able to join things like whatsapp groups. But we’ve not missed out on anything from not being on those and I’m glad not to be part of the drama they can attract.

What might DC miss out on if their parents don’t have smartphones? Could us not having them limit their opportunities? Anyone else in a similar position?

Can you use whatspp on a desktop without a smartphone?

No.

I use my phone atleast a hundred times a day. Tbh I don’t understand how you are getting on without it.

Today I paid for childcare, paid for parking, paid for shopping, used google maps, organised a few play dates in WhatsApp, confirmed meeting mums coffee, booked a gp appointment, checked emails whilst at the park, sent a few work emails and organised a meeting. And it’s 3.30pm.

@AccidentalLuddite I would say your not preparing you children for life. In 6th form and definitely university the majority of people use technology to take notes, do presentations, and write longer essays. Most need their own individual laptop, also for research projects when your children are in secondary. Will they have to all share one family laptop, with the amount of homework and projects they'll have. Also it's not just science or tech fields that use laptops, phones etc, most jobs give you a work phone now and even laptop. Again schools, corporate world, even NHS etc, technology makes things easier and will definitely by the time your children are going into work be necessary and expected of them. Also with AI, basic tech is a basic expectation; those who don't get with the times, know how to use such tools will be damaging their own careers. They'll also as others have mentioned be socially isolated when they get older, yes we need to be careful around tech, but there are negatives to being too careful.

I get texts from the NHS with a link on to read doctor's letters. I wouldn't be able to do that without a smartphone.

I also spend a lot of time outdoors not using my phone. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

My kids do lots sports and most are run via whats app groups.
Primary and secondary school both use apps. They only issue school reports now via app and lunch money can only be done via app.
But suppose it would work on a tablet

@TheLivelyViper I think you misunderstand - I'm not saying no phone/computer for DC for late secondary school/uni. I'm just recognising it is very different to when I was at the same stage.
The hard balance I think we all need to make is to work out at what point this stuff is genuinely needed and useful.

”Late secondary school”? She’ll need it from Day 1 of Year 7. All homework is submitted via the school portal. She’ll be using Sparx Maths or similar apps.

The problem is waiting until something is "genuinely needed and useful" is rarely the correct time for introduction of a new technology. Especially if you are likely to delay introduction of it until you really do need it.

Ideally you want to be au fait with a technology before you "genuinely need it" because when you reach the point when you need it if you don't have the experience of it the learning curve becomes very steep with no get outs.

Hopefully this makes some sort of sense.

This is a really good point about when to introduce new technology. Most parents i know with older children gave them smartphones in Year 6, during the summer before secondary school at the latest (I plan to do the same with my DD). It meant the DC could stay in touch with friends (who might be going to different schools), and have more independence knowing their parents could contact them.

The two practical uses that immediately come to mind are apps for secondary school, and public transport apps (timetables and mobile tickets). Do you want your DC to be struggling on those first days of secondary school because as well as getting used to a new school and new routine, they are struggling to do something like ‘connect to the school WiFi and download this app for homework’ which everyone else does in 30 seconds or so? Or feeling stupid in front of new friends because they don’t know how to check bus times. Admittedly, children pick up new technology quickly, but it could put them at a disadvantage, or just make starting new school just that but more stressful.

as long as you have a phone number you can creat a whattsapp account on a computer. this could be a good way to stay in the loop without needing a smartphone

I suppose I would be concerned if DC were being left out. It hasn't been an issue yet though. Some kids have big whole class parties, some do treats with smaller groups of friends, some do family stuff only, not everyone can always go. DC have been invited to their fair share and (I hope) are also learning that not everyone gets invited to everything and thats OK, doesn't mean there needs to be drama, and doesn't stop you from being friends and playing together.

I would say a couple more things.

Firstly I have one contact who is like this and refuses to get a smartphone or run various communication apps. This person is an absolute pain in the ass to do business with. And if it wasn't for some extremely mitigating circumstances I wouldn't be doing business with them at all because interacting with them is extremely difficult and not made easier by the fact we live in different countries so phone calls which are not only intrusive can also get very expensive.

The second is, the lack of contributors on here that seem to have managed to keep smartphones out of their family life is telling. My guess is most of the anti smartphone mob either have grown up children or no children at all. It's one thing to be a neo luddite when you are 80 years old and living in a care home, but a lot different if you are having to engage with the rest of the world on a regular basis.

How can you do this with a luddite phone without being able to scan the QR code?

My DC would miss out on a HUGE amount if I didn’t have a smartphone.

Including a lot of my time, because I’d have to do all the admin I currently do on the go, at home instead.

I think your approach might work for age 4 and under OP but once you get into the land of kids playdates, parties, school admin, homework, holiday clubs, you will be making life much harder for yourself and risking DC missing out on a lot.

Whatsapp in now on Ipads

OP has a desktop PC not an ipad

Yup. And in any case I think even on other devices like iPads and PCs WhatsApp has to be associated with a mobile number, by setting up an account on a smartphone first and then scanning a QR code.

I am now currently rethinking my smart phone addiction due to this thread😂
What would I do with all that spare time though??

I agree. There weren't even smartphones about in 2005, let alone WhatsApp.

Maybe that poster meant to say 10 years ago.......?

And re; what several people have said/asked, no you can't start a WhatsApp account without a smartphone. It has to be set up there. Same with Instagram.

I think people need to stop resisting. SO much is smartphone dependent now, that it's going to become impossible to be without one. May as well get used to it now. You can get a fairly basic one (that will do the job) for peanuts.

You can get one from £29.99.

www.argos.co.uk/product/5814136?istCompanyId=a74d8886-5df9-4baa-b776-166b3bf9111c&istFeedId=30f62ea9-9626-4cac-97c8-9ff3921f8558&istItemId=mqprrlmaa&istBid=t&utm_custom6=LIA&utm_source=google&utm_medium=free_listing&utm_campaign=merchant_center&deeplink=true&gStoreCode=4480

I've put limits on my Internet use on my smartphone, but I fail on my screen time limit more often than not! 😫(The Internet limit is easier to stick to, because it effectively locks you out!)

It will happen. Sad but true.

Who said phone calls are intrusive?
Better than trying to communicate by pressing buttons all the time.

Are you my MIL @PassingStranger?! I've pretty much stopped talking to her on the phone because she never, ever asks if it's a good time. The final straw was when I was pregnant, just got back from an atrociously wet DofE expedition and was literally about to step into the shower...

I've trained her to use WhatsApp now.

Emails and WhatsApps and so on are much better if you're madly busy because they're asynchronous - you can get back when you've got time, can look at a calendar etc. Use dead time like train journeys.

If this helps, I'll tell you about my own experience as someone who dislikes smartphones.

I DO own a smartphone, but prefer to use the computer for everything I can.

My kids are 9, 5, and 1 and have all been in daycare/school since before the age of one, since early 2017, and every app that the schools and daycares have used can also be accessed through the computer. Other schools and daycares will use other apps, but for us there has never been an issue there.

The only thing I have needed the smartphone for kid-wise so far is WhatsApp for their soccer teams.

I know using new technology is daunting. I was born in 82 and refused to get any sort of cell phone until 2010 because I like my space. When I did get a cell, it was a smartphone because it was and is essentially a pocket computer.

I would suggest that since you have kids and it will eventually come up, you look into a cheapy smartphone and plan just to start. You can change the layout and settings so it runs like a tiny pocket computer and just start using it as an extension of the computer you have. Just download an email app and then use it for emails when you want to (like when you're sitting at the doctor's and realize you forgot to send that important email, now you can) and as you would your regular phone, for calls and texting. You can add other apps as you feel comfortable - like a McDonalds app so you can send an order quickly and have them do curbside pickup rather than waiting in line at the drive thru with the kids screaming in the back on those crazy nights - and just take it slow.