To be a parent without a smartphone?

[AccidentalLuddite]

[This thread isn’t about children having smartphones. As DC get older I will need to understand more about that, but I’m not there yet!]

I don’t have a smartphone, never have. It’s just never something I’ve needed or wanted enough to be worth the expense.

DP doesn’t either. We have basic mobile phones for calls and texts, and a house admin computer on the kitchen table for everything else. This works for us.
But we worked out how to do the essentials of life before smartphones existed. Our DC are primary age and we recognise life is very different for young people now.

I wonder if we’ve unintentionally become the equivalent of the family without a TV in the 80’s?

I don’t want my kids to miss out on anything worthwhile. Its only come up a handful of times so far when I’ve not been able to join things like whatsapp groups. But we’ve not missed out on anything from not being on those and I’m glad not to be part of the drama they can attract.

What might DC miss out on if their parents don’t have smartphones? Could us not having them limit their opportunities? Anyone else in a similar position?

Same here. Most banking/financial services companies now require them. You need them to pay for or attend a concert or to book and arrange clubs. I'm frankly quite surprised that people can function without them these days.

I tried being a parent without a smartphone.

It didn't work. Although I could use the desktop versions of the school's platforms, even with my wife being a smartphone user I just missed too much information flowing around on WhatsApp. What finally did it for me was one of the parents organising a last minute thing after school which I would have gladly joined, but because I didn't know about it I hadn't brought my wallet to pickup.

Seeing my DC's face missing out meant I went and ordered the cheapest smartphone I could find with the latest version of Android the same day.

There have been other benefits - there are quite a few banking products I now use which are app-only, as well as things like Ryanair apps. We're going on a Disney cruise later this year and you need an app on board for that too.

At secondary we have an app.for reporting absence, an app for tracking behaviour points, and an app for messages (which we sometimes get as texts as well but.not guaranteed) so without all that you'd be a bit stuffed

At.primary we had an app for behaviour points, updates & photos which again you'd miss.

There was a girl in DDs class at primary whose parents didn’t have a smart phone & she definitely missed out on things - might be different at your school obviously.
The main thing was parents organising to meet up via WhatsApp groups. Or details of changes to events at the last minute communicated via WhatsApp. I remember once the school once had a non uniform day at short notice & this girl turned up in her uniform because mum hadn’t heard about it. These things do matter to children.
Theres definitely an argument to say that schools shouldn’t just rely on apps to communicate but unfortunately that’s the world we live in & it’s unlikely to change any time soon.

I was a child in the 90s without a TV and it only did me the world of good. I think having parents that don't follow the norm can help kids make choices based on values not just what everyone else does.

I wouldn't worry too much about not having a smartphone, sure there's WhatsApp and emails about school stuff but anything important is on email at our school and you can check that regularly on your laptop.

Sounds amazing! So many people are chained to their smart phone!

My 15 year old has just done his Duke of Edinburgh expedition. The only way school communicated was via Instagram. (The kids did not have phones)
Other school trips have updated via twitter. Obviously both are available on desktop or laptops but useful if things change while you're out

Well done you is all i can say! Your sleep must be better as with your attention span. Keep it up!

We frequently get texts woth links to newsletters etc- I can instantly check them and action.

Some of the texts if you're even 20 mins late you've missed out.

Same with email. Lots of emails. Some need actioning quickly.

Able to easily pay for things on the apps- rather than logging onto a computer.

I understand the apps can be used on laptops or computers but it is the ease in which I can sort out these things and don't have to remember for later.

There's a desktop version of WhatsApp that I use, as I have a smartphone, but it's basically dumb cos I've made it that way.

Yes, there are losses, but the gain is huge in terms of time. I will never be that person who sits down and pulls out their phone as a reflex.

If I did have a kid at school, I'd get a cheap smartphone and have WhatsApp and whatever other apps school requires that you find need urgent attention rather than being dealt with on your laptop.

It really depends on the school to be honest. We muted DDs class chat and have no issue, about once a week DH looks at it if he remembers, but we get important updates through email.
I grew up with no TV in the 2000s by the way and now we don’t have a TV in the living room. Kids can watch movies on our TV in the bedroom, but I think no TV did me (and siblings) good. We would sometimes go watch stuff at nans or the pub for a football game with my dad. I don’t think it’s really comparable because no one communicates via TV. I did get the piss taken out of me for not having one, but really they were taking the piss out of me for being poor which I was and if we had a TV they still would have ragged on me for being poor.
If I was you I’d see how you go with your current set up, if you’re having issues get a tablet or maybe a smart phone between you. Worst case scenario you’ll miss a few things, annoying but not the end of the world.

Your choice which should be respected.

As for a school, they should have ways of communicating to recognise some people have a poor 4G signal, and others poor broadband connections.

Some really useful food for thought here, thankyou. I guess what I'm really interested in is things people have mentioned where there is genuinely no way to do them without a smartphone, vs things people prefer to do on smartphones because for them they are more convenient (fair enough), but can actually be done on a desktop. My experience so far is that everything has been the latter.

In response to a few points about school: DC are Y3 and reception. I've found so far its no bother to do everything for school without a smartphone - the school do a Friday email/hard copy newsletter with all forthcoming dates, tea time club etc can be booked and paid on the desktop. They encourage use of a times table game and an online reading library both of which we do on the desktop. Parents independently have set up a whatsapp group but I've never missed out on anything essential not being on it. Same with other activities we do, we can do everything essential on the desktop.

As for parties, invites etc I suppose I'm pretty relaxed about not knowing about everything and being left out sometimes? I find we've got more than enough going on to not want to be included in anything more, and I've got contact details of the parents of the children mine most often play with. Usually we just don't need to organise anything, we just bump into people and the kids play.

My sister took your approach throughout primary school and I don't think her kids missed out on anything. They're certainly more studious and keener readers than my own child!

It's the secondary years where you're likely to run into issues. It's hard to monitor what your child is up to if you lack knowledge yourself.

At least one DNiece certainly had Tiktok etc in secret...

But your eldest is year 3. You've got several years and technology will change.

My Dad (95) still has an old screwfix catalogue. He looks up what he wants, then I find it online for him tell him the current price on their website to order/check if it is in.

I fear not using smartphones in a few years people will be similarly dis-abled from modern life.

Paying for parking as a pp said upthread is one example where it is creeping in already.

I am impressed with your resistance to smartphones - you must have so much more free time because you’re not scrolling through your phone (like I am now!). In terms of your use of smartphones, there are probably lots of things that are easier/ more convenient with a smartphone, but can be worked around as you’ve discovered.

However, I would add that while you are happy to miss out on casual social events organised on WhatsApp, as your children get older and these things become more important to them, they may feel that they’re missing out if you are out of the loop, especially in the later years of primary where social life is more important but most children won’t have their own phones yet.

As other people have pointed out, schools do use apps for various things and while there may be website versions available now, I can see that disappearing in the future as it will be assumed that everyone has a smartphone.

But the key issue to me is that if you’re not familiar with smartphone technology, you will struggle to monitor/ understand what your children are doing on their phones. Plus, as a previous poster pointed out, apps to control children’s use of their phones eg: setting screen time limits, requiring parental approval to download a new app, need the parent to have a smartphone to set it all up. So unless you want to give your children unlimited access to their smartphones if/ when they get one, you will need to have one yourself.

You can survive without one and you're not going to die without it.

But if you aren't teaching your children how to use one you are failing to prepare them for one significant aspect of modern life.

The irony is if you keep them from your children they will probably end up wanting them more and will place more value on them which is pretty much the nature of things.

I honestly think it's naive for you to say you don't miss out on anything, because the reality is you wouldn't know if you had.

And you might not mind that your kids don't get invited to as many parties because you're not on the plus WhatsApp, but your children will.

It wouldn't work in our school anyway, no hard copy newsletter (not that I really care about that) but it's app only for booking wraparound care, paying for and ordering lunches, booking parents evenings. If our child gets injured that comes to on the app as a notification. I suppose you could ask the school to go old-fashioned on you and phone you for everything, or print out copies of everything for you, but that's a lot of extra work that they really don't need.

I think there's a big difference between having your nose stuck in a smartphone all day, and utilising a sensible method of communication. You could take it further and not have email and just rely on post and telephone for everything, go to the bank to transfer money, Use a yellow pages rather than the internet etc. but I'm not sure what the advantage in teaching your children an inefficient way of doing things is.

I don't think this is the 'not having a TV in the '80s', it's much further than that. I think personally it's better to teach your children how to do these things in moderation, and how to use things like apps that are useful and beneficial. Otherwise they they don't have good role models for it, the only role models they'll have are their peers 😬

"I was a child in the 90s without a TV and it only did me the world of good."

Surely it is impossible to tell as no one can say for certain how they would have turned out if they had watched TV if they didn't watch any.

I watched a lot of TV as a kid and it did me the world of good.

Which of us talking rot ?

It sounds like you’re doing fine without one. Can you use whatsapp on your desktop? A lot of information about parties and activities for our kids is shared on whatsapp. Things like last minute changes of venue for rehearsals / sports practice etc. As well social connections and chat; which clearly you can manage without but you might enjoy it. You could also get a second hand or cheap basic smart phone and try out life with one for 3 months or 6 months and then decide for yourself? I think you will miss some things without a smart phone but it’s hard for someone else to decide for if you particularly mind about those things.

I'm totally smartphone addicted, but I have mums of friends that I only text or send FB messages (that you can do on your desktop - when my older one was a baby not everyone had FB on their phone, either).

It got a bit complicated arranging a sleepover for DD because one mum mainly uses Whatsapp, one mainly uses texts and one I only have FB contact for.

No school Whatsapp groups AFAIK though maybe they exist and are talking about me (as happened at DS previous school).

School uses an app for notices but they send an email notification and you can just see that on a desktop too.

We prefer the DCs to use tablets rather than laptops for homework (though one is in specialist school and one hasn't started secondary yet so that may change) as they are much easier to control re. screentime than laptops.

I'm just thinking of other areas where smartphones have been compulsory for me.

• when holiday Park recently where all the check-in stuff was via an app.
• a hotel where the key was a virtual key from a smartphone app. Maybe they'd have had some physical ones available if you enquired about it. Who knows.
• Boarding passes, train tickets, tickets to places. All on my phone now.
• ordering my daughter's prescriptions. The alternative is I spend half an hour on hold to the doctors, excruciatingly explain that I can't access the app and narrate the information so they do it for me. 🙄. Or it takes about 15 seconds on the app.

I'm not sure why you're making life so hard for yourselves.

Your kids will eventually get them and you'll know bugger all about how to keep them safe.

I'd think you're on licence and not allowed to have a smart phone