To be a parent without a smartphone?

[AccidentalLuddite]

[This thread isn’t about children having smartphones. As DC get older I will need to understand more about that, but I’m not there yet!]

I don’t have a smartphone, never have. It’s just never something I’ve needed or wanted enough to be worth the expense.

DP doesn’t either. We have basic mobile phones for calls and texts, and a house admin computer on the kitchen table for everything else. This works for us.
But we worked out how to do the essentials of life before smartphones existed. Our DC are primary age and we recognise life is very different for young people now.

I wonder if we’ve unintentionally become the equivalent of the family without a TV in the 80’s?

I don’t want my kids to miss out on anything worthwhile. Its only come up a handful of times so far when I’ve not been able to join things like whatsapp groups. But we’ve not missed out on anything from not being on those and I’m glad not to be part of the drama they can attract.

What might DC miss out on if their parents don’t have smartphones? Could us not having them limit their opportunities? Anyone else in a similar position?

What @EllieQ said.

"But the key issue to me is that if you’re not familiar with smartphone technology, you will struggle to monitor/ understand what your children are doing on their phones. Plus, as a previous poster pointed out, apps to control children’s use of their phones eg: setting screen time limits, requiring parental approval to download a new app, need the parent to have a smartphone to set it all up. So unless you want to give your children unlimited access to their smartphones if/ when they get one, you will need to have one yourself."

This is SO important!

They are pretty useful in a lot of remote working environments.

When you are on site and have a problem you can fire back pictures to engineers at base and ask them what they think. They will return them annotated with stuff like "what is the voltage here" or "check this cable" or "you need this tool" and send a link. Then if you think you have a failed component you can hook up an FLIR camera to the smartphone and do a heat map. Loads of things like this.

Can you do all this stuff via email and a desktop ? Yes. But firing stuff backwards and forwards on Whatsapp is much easier and gets the problem solved much quicker.

Oof, well done you!!!

But how do you manage with all the things that "require apps" nowadays? Surely parking in a carpark is a nightmare? Do you have to use a pinsentry machine every time you log in to your bank account? Even my maternity service uses an app, as does my driving instructor.

But honestly, I don't think your kids will miss out on anything. You're probably more present with them. Most things you can do on the computer.

Did you genuinely actually read the post before you commented ??? OP has quite literally mentioned whatsapp as a downside but has worked around it??

I had the opposite experience with prescriptions. I could never make the NHS app work but Boots' online prescriptions are straightforward.

A lot of apps work poorly or not at all with Android.

You can't even get into a concert or theatre now without showing a QR Code.

Being tied to only ever doing something on a desktop is more than just inconvenient. It wastes time and energy. Dog walker calls and says the payment hasn’t gone through. By the time I go to the desk top, start it up, go to the banking page, login, there’s ten minutes. Or, I go straight to the app and deal with it there and then. Making a payment online or by phone, credit card requires approval. Again, having to go to the computer etc etc. Daughter on school trip, I’m out walking the dog, she texts to say her post office money card isn’t working and she is trying to buy tickets. Can she wait an hour for me to get home and sort it, or go to the app on my phone and do it there and then. School phones for the third time in the week to say my daughter hasn’t registered, she is always in school, but their system is shit. I have to phone every time. I can call and wait ten minutes for them to track her down, or I can look at her location and tell them she is in school.

Most places are also now insisting on multifactor authentication via an app for security. My university login requires it. Can’t do that without an app.

It isn’t that you aren’t missing out, it’s that you don’t know what you are missing out on. The school stuff particularly is hugely different at secondary than it was at primary.

But honestly, I don't think your kids will miss out on anything. You're probably more present with them. Most things you can do on the computer.

Or, she spends so much time having to run to the computer to do what would be a 30 second job on a phone, she has less time for her kids.

Seriously, do people honestly believe there is no option to have a smartphone and not be on it 24/7.

I’m fascinated as I don’t know anyone without a smartphone. I need one just to login to my work email - it’s dual authentication and needs to be on a mobile device on an app. We haven’t had anyone with an issue with this which means my workplace is 100% smartphone.

I wish I had your commitment - I think my phone has given me more than it’s taken away but I am sure it’s affected my concentration and mood and I do have to be careful not to have it on me alll the time. I just cannot see how I’d make my life work without it - even the pub I go to has a qr code to order.

my husband held out for years but it finally got too difficult when he couldn’t pay to park and had to just skip the day out with the kids. All the paid parking around us is app based and no cash. He was so frustrated he got the cheapest one with the cheapest pay as you go data and uses almost nothing - but now and again it’s super useful or actually necessary.

Have you thought about how you will help your children when they are older to navigate smart phones and appropriate usage? A lot of problems stem from parents not understanding the apps that their children use. Both myself and their dad, educate ourselves on all the apps, there usage and age restrictions. Unless you are planning on banning smart phones until they turn 18, you won't be able to support them.

I think the one for me has been FB.

we are fairly rural and everything is on it.

pool closed, lessons cancelled.

local events

school info

school closures

I would probably struggle without that. Or I would waste a great deal of time driving about to cancelled things.

Having a smartphone just makes things more convenient and easier in my opinion. All school communications are done through apps. Sometimes they need action straight away, for example booking your children onto after school clubs and booking parents evening slots before they are all gone. Recently for the last few weeks of the school term I've had multiple school events and appointments, without a smartphone I'd never keep track of them all. I also have a wall calendar I write on but I like having things to hand too and I screenshot a lot of things. There will probably also be whatsapp groups that you may want to be part of to be kept in the loop.

Hi OP, my husband and I have smart phones but our daughters school has a school App where they put all school information , holidays , book lists , endless demands for donations etc ! We don’t do social media as a family never have done , so no instagram , facebook or twitter. The school secretary became quite annoyed when I refused to get what’s app tried it for 10 minutes a good number of years ago and all of a sudden I was getting messages oh Starbri8 you’re on what’s app now, that was it deleted it straight away ! I’m sure the school secretary thinks we are in witness protection 🤣 she asked how on earth she was going to contact me and all the Mummy’s were on what’s app . I asked her if she knew how to send an email , text or phone call . So after my rant yes you’ll probably need a smart phone but you don’t have to subscribe to the rest of it.

my kids are tech savvy but at 5 and 9 will not be getting a smart phone until they are over 16 . They know the difference between face book friends and real friends and think it’s crackers . My kids won’t be bullied online and home will be a safe space. There’s a lot that is out of our control as parents control what you can for as long as you can . My girls are not missing out and will be the better for my stance. Any kids I know on face book instagram tick tick etc are feeling under pressure to conform to what they see. It’s causing a lot of anxiety needlessly in young people.apologies again for the rant .

Holiday parks and a hotel are a choice you do not have to make. Medication and to an extent travel are not something you can avoid unless fortunate.

I advocate a modern consumer act and access to certain things without a smartphone should be law.

Train tickets I collect at a station with the code.

There's alot of worry goes with it though.
Worrying about it being stolen, worrying about people getting access to your banking and other details.

Interesting you seem to be really upset about this, I'm curious what's driving that.

If you don't want a holiday, don't go on holiday. But being unable to go on holiday because you refuse to have a smart phone is just daft 😂

Don't you still need the WhatsApp app on your phone for WhatsApp for web?

I have WhatsApp on my laptop, but I had to scan the QR code with my phone to enable it.

My dc are teens. For at least 6 or 7 years the majority of comms from their extra curricular activities (many), have been by WasApp. High school sends out short notice comms (no blazers today, after school sports fixtures, last minute changes etc) by Instagram!
Residential trip updates always go on Facebook!

As an Explorer Scout leader i use WasApp to communicate with my scouts, their parents, run polls.

I'm not sure about younger children, but certainly by year 3 ish, kid-comms all relied on a smartphone.

Strange My DS is 21 there was never any Whatsapp communication when he was at School

@AccidentalLuddite

As for parties, invites etc I suppose I'm pretty relaxed about not knowing about everything and being left out sometimes? I find we've got more than enough going on to not want to be included in anything more, and I've got contact details of the parents of the children mine most often play with. Usually we just don't need to organise anything, we just bump into people and the kids play.

That's probably fine for reception/year 3 kids but its going to be much tougher when they're in secondary. Your kids aren't going to be just bumping into people int the park, they will want to organise their own social lives.

I think you want to get a bit of a grasp of smartphones while they're young enough. You don't want to find yourself in the position in 5-10 years where they are on smartphones without your guidance. Using a smartphone involves a bit of know-how and social media is a minefield. Better to get your head around it when you can.

Look I can totally understand the appeal of life without smartphones and I think you're right to put it off as long as you can but I don't think you want to accidentally set up this weird dynamic where you're the only analogue family in the village. Your kids will leapfrog ahead of you and you won't have a clue what's going on. You'll also make smartphones seem far more alluring if they are verboten.

Also... homework set by app (different ones for different subjects); payments to school (dinners, trips, charity days, materials), patental consent; notification of lateness or illness; bus passes - all apps.

Actual LOL at this. Thankyou!

I am intrigued by this as I love my phone, not just as a communication device but, for example, checking google maps & train times or things when I’m out.
Do you go on holiday abroad? If so, how do you get flight updates for example? We’ve quite belts & braces so tend to print out things like flight details, hire car information but, last time we flew, the flight was cancelled once we had already checked in and were airside. We got a text which told us what the next steps were, including how to check into the hotel they were putting us up in overnight.
I also find it useful when I have deadline. For example, I am currently sat in a car park waiting for a DC to meet me who I have to take t a hospital appt. I allowed a few minutes for traffic etc knowing that, if I got to the car park early, I could do some admin. Yes, I’m currently on MN but I have already made three child related payments, filled in a consent form for a trip for one of them, checked if school have updated the fixture list with the return time of tomorrow’s away match and received the details of DD’s sports event this weekend. Whilst waiting at the doctor’s, I will check travel arrangements for an event on Wednesday. In the meantime, various WhatsApp groups are pinging away.

I'm smiling at those impressed at my resistance - I can assure you it is more apathy than anything more principled or virtuous!

Relying to a few points that have come up:

Parking - we are in a city so drive rarely, mostly to visit family outside the city. We've only had to pay for parking a handful of times in the last few years and so far its been cash or card in a machine. Not caused us pain yet.

Banking - I log in on the desktop or go to the branch. If I need a code it can be texted to my basic phone.

Concerts, theatre, gigs etc - not something we do often, and if I do its usually stuff where you can pay on the door. I print out a ticket if you need a QR code/barcode etc.

Holidays - we havent been on a holiday thats been anything other than visiting family or friends for a while. We are more likely to find ourselves at a cash only camping field than a holiday camp/All inclusive type place so havent yet found our choices curtailed.

Travel and transport - we plan journeys and book tickets on the desktop, pick up tickets at the station, carry maps and timetables and know where to find info on the go. Something I'm teaching the kids to do too, I reckon its a useful skill even if you mainly use a smartphone.

Convenience - I think different things are convenient for different people. Some like to do it on the go, thats great. Convenient for me is being able to store up a few tasks and then do them all at once on the desktop so it doesnt get in the way of the rest of my day, and I feel more organised and on top of arrangements that way. I manage money quite tightly and I this also helps me with controlling outgoings.

I didnt know you could use whatsapp on a desktop - useful to know although I'm probably still going to use the excuse to avoid joining groups.

Secondary is a real unknown area. I didn't use a computer either at school or university so guess I've always assumed all work would be pen and paper based or if they need any technology it would be provided. I'm sure I probably sound ridiculous, there is loads I will need to find out more about here. Slightly separate to smartphones though.

Good points have been made about what happens when DC get older. Until now I've slightly unrealistically thought I'll be able to swerve the smartphone issue with the argument 'I've not got one so why do you need one'. Its clearly more complicated than that though. I guess part of the reason for this thread is to start me thinking about how to deal with that in the coming years.