AIBU to be disappointed about this?

[mrsm43s]

Later this week, on my birthday, we're doing a long train journey to visit friends for a few days. Whenever we do these long journeys, we always book them over lunchtime, and do a "train picnic" of nice food e.g afternoon tea style and share some prosecco or anti pasta style and share some red. It means that our trip starts when we get in the train, and the journey flies by.

DH booked the train tickets, and he just accepted the default seating rather than selecting seats, and as a consequence we're stuck on a middle and aisle seat with no table. So lunch is pretty much going to be a sarnie and a bottle of water as there's no table space, the journey is going to be long, boring and uncomfortable, squashed in next to a stranger.

We've tried to change seats now, but as it's a couple of days away, there's no availability of seats at a table, and no availability in first class either.

I feel like instead of my birthday starting at 11.30am once we're on the train, it's not going to start until 3pm when we arrive, and the journey is something to be tolerated, rather than something to be enjoyed.

I don't want to be spoilt, and I get that I'm going to have a lovely time with my friends, but I'm really grumpy and disappointed. I think it's mostly because DH has form for this kind of stuff, always taking the quick, easy way, and never checking anything.

AIBU to be pissed off? And does anyone have any ideas of how to make the journey more fun, or special/treat lunch ideas possible to eat when sitting in a cramped middle seat?

It's do interesting that train threads always seem to run v long and people get v entrenched (me included). There was one a while ago about if catching a train ought to be something a NT adult can do perfectly normally with no stress. Huge divide of opinion on that one.

In the end, it is a public space and it's pretty clear from the train ads that they want you to see it as a place where you can work, and chat and eat enjoyably and interact with your companions. If you find that intolerable then I do think the onus is on you to either book first class or the most quiet seat you can, definitely not a table. As I said upthread, I will and have challenged non headphone wearers, shouty, sweary men and feet on seats even but someone enjoying a nice meal talking at a reasonable volume, no.

Why do they have a buffet car do you think? Sone also do a delivery to your seat, from snacks to meals.

🤔?

Where is the threshold between snack and picnic, what’s the “line”. Can egg sandwiches be eaten? Or is it a range of sandwiches that aren’t to “smelly”. Some of us eat nice food, rather than “stuff” to fill us up, it’s a great idea and much healthier attitude to food.

I think you’ll find that train operators actually deliver food to your table on request and are wanting people to have a pleasant experience and not “just travel”.

Your social norms are well off line IMO, not everything has to be the bare minimum “it’s got to be a sandwich”, or a designated snack, or it’s wrong?

I prefer other food, to sandwiches, so I’ll eat thanks! Even if that crosses your self made up “social” norms!

Our word for today is strawman fallacy.

Why do you think I didn't suggest nobody eats on trains 🤔?

Some of us have a really healthy attitude to food but for some strange reason strangers on the internet who know nothing at all about us pretend they have information to the contrary.

I think you'll find I didn't suggest anybody should not want to have a pleasant experience on a train and instead said this was how I (that is me a person with an opinion different to yours) would feel and that I (a person with an opinion different to yours) would say nothing as I am polite, but simply try to move, and if not, attempt to ignore you.

Which covers everything, really.

Isn't it great I never suggested or implied that you shouldn't eat!

I really don't understand the penchant in online forums for arguing with things not said or implied. It's generally preferable just to respond to the words written, rather than something you would prefer the person to have said.

Who has said they find these things intolerable? Perhaps I missed that.

Did you miss the it where OP posted the menu available on the train which included food very similar to that she will be taking ?

Oh the irony! Did OP ask you about her choice of food? No, she asked you was her DH BU.

You’ve totally gone off on your own spin with it.

Straw man fallacy is not one word BTW, it’s not even two!!

That was the first class menu. Where OP (if there had been availability) would be able to be on a table for two, and the food is served to them at the table, rather than a seemingly endless bag picnic as the food she listed would simply not fit on her half of a table for 4 in standard class.

The AIBU was asked as to whether she was BU to be upset with her DH, to have delayed the start of her birthday. Many have responded that yes she was BU, as the two adjacent seats he has booked still allow for a picnic, and perhaps a more socially acceptable one as many people who were subjected to the picnic if having to share with them at a table of four would consider it uncomfortable. For various reasons.

OP has not been willing to hear this and has ploughed ahead with her right to have a boozy picnic at the table of 4 in standard class. Those of us who find this idea unpleasant are not denying her right but will simply ensure we are not sitting on a table seat in coach C travelling to Newcastle in the near future.

Oh quite a few but @Morgenrot25 mostly. Lots of references to coping and slurping and belching.

Eh?
You're just making things up now.

Not all First Class tables are for two.
You obviously haven't read or cared to understand OP's posts regarding the food. It would not be an 'endless bag' and she has assured us on numerous occasions that when she and her husband have done this in the past they have kept to their half of the table (are you calling her a liar?)
Many posters have confirmed the side by side conformation would not be as suitable for various reasons, eye contact, stability of table, etc.
OP has responded to most if not all views, she's not a PAR (post and run) thread starter.
She has a right to have a picnic with reasonable drinks(s) and what she has described doesn't come under the normal description of 'boozy'.
As far as I'm aware she's not booked into Coach C so you may have to check the whole train each time 😉
If I was close to her and her husband I'd be trying to join in the fun 😊

Not really getting back into this as I've moved on, but I do want to point out there's very few tables for 2 in first class. Just one per first class carriage. The rest of the seats are single seats or 4 person tables. So even in first class we'd almost certainly be sharing a 4 person table, just like we would have been in standard class if DH had booked as he was supposed to.

Omg you sound like a bloody nightmare. Your poor husband. You've got two seats, next to each other. One window, one aisle. Both with pull down trays. I'm stunned that you would be upset and saying he's fucked up. It's not as if you're standing is it?

I'd much rather sit side by side like this than have to share a table with strangers, but whatever my OH booked, I wouldn't be this dramatic!

Let's hope you're not facing the wrong way eh or there'll be another whinefest

Nah, I think it's more likely to be a winefest 🍷
I just wish I knew which train to join OP and her husband on 🚂

That would probably be seen as 'spoiling her birthday' too.

I'd prefer to eat at a table looking at my partner, rather than eating off a small pull down tray having to stop things sliding around sitting side by side. The same as how I'd rather eat my lunch sitting up at the dining table opposite my dining partner rather than balancing lunch on a tray on my lap on the sofa side by side. Particularly given the food planned is stuff to share.

It's not the end of the world, no, but it is a significantly less pleasant/convenient experience, and its not what we had agreed upon and it was entirely due to DH's careless mistake.

It's not going to stop us enjoying the weekend, but it was DH's cock up, it is annoying and inconvenient and it is frustrating against the backdrop of my DH often making silly, careless, avoidable mistakes to my detriment. If this had been the first time such a mistake had been made, I'm sure I would have just shrugged and moved on without a second thought. But it's really frustrating when you can't trust the other adult to complete simple admin tasks without cocking things up, especially if, like me, you deal with the vast majority of the mental load in addition to a full time job and caring responsibilities for elderly parents. I have far, far too much on my plate and need an equal partner to share the load, but every time I try to delegate a simple task to DH he cocks it up. It is this which is pissing me off, rather than simply the difference between a table seat and a tray seat, something that the emotionally immature posters banging on about table size or their made up rules on what I'm seemingly allowed to eat or not eat on a train seem unable to grasp.

I couldn't care less about the picnic (we always picnic on our train journeys - and yes we book a table and there are 4 of us so we don't impact on anyone else as we have our "own" table) but you did say you always end up sorting out the issues your DH's carelessness causes.

"Well, guess who had to sort the name change and the replacement EHICS out...
I think this is the problem. I think he's careless because there's never any consequences to him. It's always me running round fixing things"

So doing it all yourself to begin with is surely easier than mopping up his mess? He doesn't seem to learn so it's not like you are teaching him a lesson?

You'd be more than welcome. I might even share my picnic with you!

Because I already do far more than my fair share and don't have capacity to take on yet more.

You'll note that I booked the hotel - the more important bit (because it was important to me to have spa access -and he'd probably have left it too late and then we'd have ended up in another hotel without spa access - I saw that one coming as a possibility!). Ultimately if he'd have forgotten to book the train he'd have had a very, very long drive to get us up there - a consequence on him, rather than me. That was my contingency plan. It hadn't occurred to me that he'd remember to book the train journey but forget to book the seats we wanted.

The seats you wanted.

No, as I have repeatedly said, the seats we had discussed and agreed on and that we both wanted.

Bloody Hell some people just really like to make shit up to fit their own agenda. Not to mention the mysogeny.

Man fucks something up and apparently it's woman's fault because:

• she should have done everything herself and not asked the man to take any responsiblity
• she shouldn't hold the man accountable for any mistakes he makes
• she shouldn't upset the man by mentioning her disappointment.
• she should have foreseen the man might make a mistake and have done it herself
• she's clearly not prioritising her DH's wants adequately (on her birthday)- not actually true since we agreed all plans between us - but multiple posters simply refuse to accept that.
• she shouldn't expect to be able to eat on a train (which serves food and drink)
• she's a lush because her DH and her want to have up to 2 medium glasses of wine each on a 4 hour journey
• she shouldn't expect to have any kind of birthday celebration since she's over 8
• she's unable to keep her food to her side of the table and eat without chomping, gulping, slurping and belching. Not to mention the leaning and elbowing
• she clearly a liar since she's repeatedly said that they stay on their own side of the table, but other people who aren't there insist she must be taking over the whole table

Any more?

How about - man fucks up simple task. It's perfectly reasonable for woman to a) be pissed off about it and b) hold him to account for it.

I am simply going off the fact that you said earlier that he is perfectly capable of doing something when he sees it as important.

I think he makes more effort to check/take care when things don't involve me (e.g work things or stuff just for him) because I don't step in and sort it out for him, so any fallout is inconvenient for him, and Im not fixing it for him.

That said, he's not an arsehole, and he wouldn't cock things up deliberately. It's just that his default position is carelessness.

Back when I was working part time and my parents were still well, I had time and capacity to deal with this shit. I don't anymore.

OP

Unless you are a large person, there is absolutely enough space on the LNER tables. I use them regularly and have no issues with sorting lunch out picnic style on the trays. That's with a toddler wanting to sit on my lap too (and I was also pregnant on my last journey).

Well done OP, I think you've actually covered every single one of the, frankly, fucking insane responses you've received on this thread - my personal favourite being that you must have 'boundary' issues ('boundary' as in they can't believe you're capable of only using half of a train table! 😂 ) closely followed by their absolute belief (having never met you) that you are definitely incapable of eating and drinking quietly. 🙄 I've loved your (mostly) calm, explanatory responses though - you have more patience than me! 😉🤗

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂