AIBU to be disappointed about this?

[mrsm43s]

Later this week, on my birthday, we're doing a long train journey to visit friends for a few days. Whenever we do these long journeys, we always book them over lunchtime, and do a "train picnic" of nice food e.g afternoon tea style and share some prosecco or anti pasta style and share some red. It means that our trip starts when we get in the train, and the journey flies by.

DH booked the train tickets, and he just accepted the default seating rather than selecting seats, and as a consequence we're stuck on a middle and aisle seat with no table. So lunch is pretty much going to be a sarnie and a bottle of water as there's no table space, the journey is going to be long, boring and uncomfortable, squashed in next to a stranger.

We've tried to change seats now, but as it's a couple of days away, there's no availability of seats at a table, and no availability in first class either.

I feel like instead of my birthday starting at 11.30am once we're on the train, it's not going to start until 3pm when we arrive, and the journey is something to be tolerated, rather than something to be enjoyed.

I don't want to be spoilt, and I get that I'm going to have a lovely time with my friends, but I'm really grumpy and disappointed. I think it's mostly because DH has form for this kind of stuff, always taking the quick, easy way, and never checking anything.

AIBU to be pissed off? And does anyone have any ideas of how to make the journey more fun, or special/treat lunch ideas possible to eat when sitting in a cramped middle seat?

It’s AIBU not In Memoriam, though.

Well I did try reading the train regulations and a Shetland pony is perfectly acceptable if it’s in a basket. So there!

The point - which you have spectacularly missed - is that all behaviours exist on a spectrum with only the most egregious explicitly banned.

a small Shetland pony in a basket is permissible; a large one roaming free is not. the latter being prohibited by the T&Cs the former not.

I’ve seen full faces of make up applied, toenails cut; nappies changed and a potty used 🤢 I’ll concede I haven’t seen a blow dry but I have seen straighteners being used and yes I did see a pony on the tube years ago. None of those are against the rules. But they’re bloody irritating.

Your husband might not actively dislike the picnics OP, but he clearly isn't as bothered about them as you are, otherwise he would have made sure he booked the table. You said yourself he is perfectly capable of doing things right when its important to him. Maybe he just sees the train as a way of getting from a to b, is happy enough to eat the picnic when you organise it but doesn't really care either way, which is why it never occurred to him to ensure you had the table.

Maybe (although actually I know it was a mistake, not deliberate because he's my husband and we talk to each other!). In any case though, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect my preferences to take priority over his on my birthday trip, and to expect him to book what we'd discussed and agreed he'd book.

So if it’s just a few nibbles, you can go without them without a tantrum.

@DancingNotDrowning wait....wait...wait....
I can take a Shetland pony on a train provided it's in a basket 😂😂😂
🐴

Oh pack it in! How bloody low can you go with your insults!

Thats an outrageous thing to bloody say.

Shame on you! I certainly don’t admire that vile comment.

I didn't mean it was deliberate, I meant exactly as you say, it was a mistake - it simply didn't occur to him because it wasn't important enough. If it was, he would have been capable of doing it, like you said previously.

No tantrums here! What an odd thing to say. Just slight disappointment that the agreed upon plans for my birthday are slightly less good than they were supposed to be because DH was careless making the booking. That's all!

Everyone seems to be missing the point of the thread. The whole point is that I recognise that table or no table is minor in the scheme of things. However the person who loves you most in the world not being bothered to take care over booking your birthday event meaning that it's less good than you'd agreed is disappointing.

Honestly DH and I have moved on. We're mostly just amused by the thread now.

Also, does anyone know where I can procure a Shetland pony and a basket?

Pack easy-to-eat treats, bring a mini drink for a toast, use headphones for music or a podcast, and download a movie or book. Make it your own chill moment, even without the table.

@mrsm43s
"Also, does anyone know where I can procure a Shetland pony and a basket?"
I just told my daughter this rule.
She said "can we"?
I said if you find a Shetland pony then lets go for it....

He forgot to do something. I forget to do things all the time. It’s no reflection of how I feel about my husband. Take a pack up and don’t waste your birthday being resentful.

Yeah, I'm kind of over it now. No birthdays will be ruined...

I'd very definitely find people having a planned picnic on a train next to me a bit irritating. It really does not matter how much it was "on your side" of the table. It's just annoying having to sit right next to people doing anything at all but travelling on a train. That's what trains are for, travelling.

No matter how much anyone tries to dismiss this, we do have different social expectations in different places. I expect people to use earphones, talk in resaonable not loud volumes and stick as much as possible to their own space on a train. In a cafe or restaurant, we might have to share a table to eat and drink, people will feel more free and get noisier, that's fine.

And yes a snack or a sandwich simply IS different from a planned train picnic. Not sure why anybody is denying that. It's as much about the expectation of minding where you are as anything else - because it is a shared space.

Everyone gets hungry and needs to eat and drink, some cannot wait till they are off the train, but a planned birthday picnic is making the assumption that other people are ok with sharing that with you, peripherally.

And yes, all eating CAN be smelly and irritating, though sometimes is not. It's a lot less annoying to have to sit next to someone eating a sandwich than it would be to have to endure your birthday picnic.

Having a sandwich because you need to eat, is much more acceptable than if you were treating the space as a leisure area for yourself and your husband.

I wouldn't say anything because I have good manners and would prefer not to make a fuss, but I'd try to move away from you, would do my best to tune you out (but would not be able to entirely) and not enjoy the journey as much because you were overstepping.

People who pretend not to understand social norms and the reality that others might find it annoying that you are breaking them are strange to me.

And this nonsense where people are pretending not to get the difference between a train and a cafe or a park is really really really weird.

Everyone saying about the smell... sounds like a you problem! If you cant tolerate people eating on public transport then you should drive.

Nope, sorry, this attitude isn't polite, it's weirdly intolerant.

You're basically saying it's ok for people to eat on trains, but only if they absolutely must and then, they'd better not enjoy it, just get it over with as quickly as possible.

Are you always such a misery?!

I travel on trains a fair bit, and if someone next to me was enjoying a train picnic with a friend I'd be happy for them.

I suggest you avoid sitting at shared tables, or maybe even consider driving, if people doing perfectly normal things like eating lunch on a train - and daring to enjoy it - annoys you so much.

Long distance train travel has always been associated with food. It's why they have a buffet car, and if you travel in 1st on many trains, your table includes tea and coffee, and some even include food.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying it!

Or is it only those in 1st who should be encouraged to eat on the train? Should us plebs not dare to enjoy ourselves?

Are you always indescribably rude to people you don't know, unable to craft a cogent argument and reliant on straw men and ad hominem nonsense when you become triggered by simple comments? Actually, it doesn't really matter, any more than your comment did.

Isn't it fantastic I didn't say nobody should eat on public transport? Indeed, I have seen nobody suggest that at all, though I may have missed that. If so, then I suppose there might be some point to your comment.

Oh, and no "everyone saying about the smell" as you rather clumsily worded it are allowed opinions different from you, as you might say "sounds like a you problem!"

If you can't tolerate differing opinions you shouldn't read comment threads.

I think you are missing the point that people think you are being a bit OTT about needing a table seat because it’s your birthday or the experience is ruined - it’s all a bit immature and your overreaction to your husbands error must make you quite hard work to spend time with.

You've just quoted 3 people one after the other to basically try and start a massive row with each of them, so i would suggest that if anyone cannot handle other people's comments, its you😂

I have solved the issue @mrsm43s

1. a twosome jumper so you can snuggle next to DH
2. a double laptray
3. see tent in picture below, although you’ll need a double tent. Perhaps you can also create curtains and have a proper smooch after the cured meats!!

Er, no, I responded to comments with my own comments. That's how comment threads work. Are you new to the internet?

You also appear to be saying that when you commented you were trying to cause a massive row, since I paraphrased some of your own words. Sorry that didn't work out for you, I guess.

The responses on here are insane.

It's not about the picnic - it's about the carelessness of booking from OPs DH.

All slurping and chomping issues aside, I took a train to York from King's X a while back. When we got on the train, there were a number of table seats with reservations - but not all of them were reserved from Kinngs X. So we bagged one of those at boarding, had a snack and then moved before the people with those seats allocated arrived (boarding at a later stop).
Did the same on a trip to Manchester- and the people who had the seat reservations never turned up.