To think women taking their husband’s name doesn’t have to be sexist?

[RealNavyEagle]

I know it’s a traditional thing and some people see it as outdated or patriarchal but I actually think there’s something quite nice about a whole family sharing the same name. It doesn’t feel like “losing my identity” to me, just part of building a shared one.

AIBU to think it’s not automatically a regressive choice and that it can just be a personal one?

That's very ironic considering you don't know me. I didn't 'say that', it's a fact. Over 60% of divorce in the UK is instigated by women and Im talking about women and why they divorce.

What an empty, joyless, depressing society and existence that would be.

My husband and I never discussed this before we got married. I didn't even consciously decide to keep my name before I got married. I just got married and then never felt like changing my name.

My kids will outlive me though, who love looking at our wedding photos, discussing our different marital rings, traditional wedding rituals, etc.

Careful you don't trip over all that judgement you're dripping.
Sorry that you struggle with pronouncing Ms. It might be worth talking to someone about that as it sounds like a cognitive issue.
It sounds like you lack understanding about it as a word though. It's the opposite of making a point. It's taking away the point that Miss and Mrs both make, that is all about a woman's marital status. It puts a woman's title on a even footing with a man's of just saying woman.
I genuinely don't understand why you'd think being a Ms is childish or a Mrs is mature. Marital status has nothing to do with maturity, it just means you met someone you loved and wanted to legally tie yourself to. My married friends are no more mature now than when they were dating or engaged and I'm no less mature than them. Perhaps it's as simple as you thinking you're better than non married women though, which is fairly embarrassing but your problem.

Oh dear. You thought she said something she didnt say and accused her of saying something sexist and misogynistic. Your brain is obviously wired to try so hard to find sexism when there isnt. You warp the conversation to try and find it.

That's fine too!

Now you know how my brain is wired? It's not me who's seeing things that aren't there and getting confused.

Are you suggesting that we don't live in a patriarchal society or experience sexism?

So I would assume Ms would best fit the bill.

I actually used Miss until I was married, so excited to be Mrs! I heard my name all day constantly as a teacher, so it was important to me. I much prefer Mrs and my DH’s name to Miss and my old name, couldn’t wait to get rid of it! It reflects where I am in my life right now.

As a side issue (I would have changed my name regardless), bear in mind that some sadly have horrendous associations with their own extended families. I personally gave zero attachment to names on either side of my own family, my DH and his family are the family I would have chosen. Other people will of course feel a deep sense of attachment to their own family name, and unable to comprehend the types of criminals that others including myself are related to and do not want to be associated with through no fault of their own.

I definitely don’t have cognitive issues 😂

Have you ever taught under 5s? They don’t get Ms, basically you are a ‘Miss, Misssss!’ regardless of whether you are married or not 😂

But you have literally just described "Ms" as "trickier to pronounce, childish, petty, making a point".

So in your own words, unmarried adult women can choose between a title which says "child" or one which is "trickier to pronounce, childish, petty, making a point", with the, in your opinion, only "brilliant" title reserved for adult women who have managed to get a man down the aisle.

WOW.

Oh that's good. I'm sure you can manage to pronounce it then, assuming you can manage both Miss and Mrs.
I haven't taught small children but I have been one and my mum taught primary. We called our teachers, and she was called, by full names. Neither the schools I attended, nor the ones she taught, in used 'Miss' as a shorthand.
Miss vs Sir for teachers is of course a different bit of everyday sexism that would derail the thread.

If she can't pronounce Ms, one wonders how she manages to pronounce trickier words such as "knitting" or "doughnut", and how she manages to teach children words with more than one syllable or an unusual spelling.

Maybe it's time for children just to call teachers by their first names.

I am not going to sit here having people commenting negatively about me using Mrs and not retaliate. People like to dish it out to traditional women but then can’t take hearing anything back.

I love being a Mrs. Others are free to use Miss/Ms. Many here are offended by Mrs, well guess what, many also wouldn’t pick Ms or Miss. We’re all doing what we choose, that’s a positive thing!

I wouldn’t have ever used Ms as a teacher as kids don’t get it. I stuck with Miss, but prefer Mrs. I still got called Miss by kids after getting married regardless. It’s hardly the end of the world. Literally nobody’s business anyway.

That definitely breeds disrespect. Teachers aren’t there to be friends, they are figures if authority. One trendy teacher tried that at our very rough secondary, massively backfired, he quickly changed tack 😂

Well France has moved to using the equivalent of "Mrs" for all women regardless of age or marital status, and I think that is a positive step towards combatting sex based inequality. Even if it doesn't allow married women to demonstrate their superiority through use of a special title anymore.

So you do get that I was referring to under-5s finding Ms hard to pronounce? They don’t get it. They get Miss or Mrs. We have 20 years of experience to base that on. Do you? I obviously know how to say it 🤣

My child is in the equivalent of reception in his French state primary school and they all use the teachers' first names with zero issues.

So you teach them how to pronounce it, the same way you teach them to pronounce literally all other words they haven't come across before?

Are you...quite sure you're a teacher?

Bet it’s not a failing, rough, inner city comp… good luck with that!

Well in my rough comprehensive we called female teachers "Madam", because "Miss" is not a mark of respect.

Miss/Sir standard here, schools vary, people vary- who cares?!

Because "Miss" isn't the equivalent of "Sir".

Calling female teachers "Miss" regardless of the fact that most of them are married is a throwback from the days when all female teachers were unmarried because married women were expected to give up work and become homemakers.

Calling female teachers "Miss" as standard is a total anachronism and subconsciously embeds sexist attitudes in children, most of whom show more respect for male teachers than they do for female ones.

That’s actually not a bad idea and interesting.

Master (child)/Mr (over 18).
Miss (child)/Mrs (over 18).

I’d have no issue with that change here. Bet others would though. Some people will always find a problem with anything.