To think women taking their husband’s name doesn’t have to be sexist?

[RealNavyEagle]

I know it’s a traditional thing and some people see it as outdated or patriarchal but I actually think there’s something quite nice about a whole family sharing the same name. It doesn’t feel like “losing my identity” to me, just part of building a shared one.

AIBU to think it’s not automatically a regressive choice and that it can just be a personal one?

That's not what it means and if you think it does perhaps go read something before you start arguing about patriarchy and feminism.

And yes it should have read don't disrespect.

So if you read the PPs post explaining it then why are you still asking for more examples? I'm on the fence about it myself but it doesnt take Einstein to realise plenty people long for days gone by for all sorts of different reasons, but you've dug your heels in like you dont get it.

Nope, badgered into further study by lefty teachers and as I explained, only worked as a means to an end to afford to be a SAHM…years ago I’d have been able to get on with that in peace much younger and been able to afford even more children. Very upsetting.

You could give ten clear answers on why YOU would prefer to live back then and she would still disagree and say oh no that's not a good enough reason. She doesnt understand it and never will by the sounds of it.

I'm asking from examples from YOU because you're taking some personal offence to it. If you have nothing to add to the discussion I don't see what your point is - "plenty of reasons" but none of which you know....

And yet you keep saying that you don't understand it either! Bizarre isn't it

You wouldn't have been able to afford anything though, that's the point.

I'm not taking any offence to it, I'm replying to you when you quote me

🤣 when have I said I dont understand it?

When you're not able to name a single example of why 50+ years ago was so timeless and beautiful yet you took offence to get involved and reply I'm wrong for challenging PP on it. As I said you're welcome to give an example since you understand it so well.

I did actually give examples of things I thought might have been better in the past but you rubbished them as you didnt agree. So there's no point trying to explain it to you, same with the other poster she wont manage to get you to open your mind on the subject either.

Of course they can. You don’t get to chose how someone feels.

Things that were better years ago:

1. No iPhones/internet. People spoke more in person or on the landline.
2. Also due to the above, people arguably left the house to socialise far more (eg at a local pub, which are closing due to lack of use).
3. People hosted more at home, more dinner party exchange with other adults.
4. People didn’t drive or drive less, so children could play safely out on streets.
5. Less debt as people wanted less, bought less and ‘made do and mended’ what they had because they had the skills and time to do so.
6. Fresher food eaten in season, more home cooking, less temptations from take aways/fast food/deliveroo- healthier people, less obesity and health issues.
7. Better fashion and music.
8. Less geographical mobility, so people knew their neighbours and people who lived and worked in their current locality far, far better and felt more connected and secure.

There’s a few. Surely you’d agree with some? And yes, there’s nothing to stop you not still doing some of these, but I would argue I am forced to use apps and an iPhone these days, certainly by my children’s school! 😂

I "rubbished" them by pointing out they weren't based in reality, and you agreed it takes some "imagination" so again What's your point? Yes people's imaginary version of the past night be great in their heads but it isn't based on facts especially for women and at a time when we have women's rights under attack combined with influencers advertising tradwife submission to young girls I happen to think it's important to remind people of the hard won privileges women fought for (all things btw PP listed for why she's had such a privileged life) 👍🏻

Not necesserily. Its more cultural/personal choice. Some place they keep both names. Also men do take wives' names for various reasons.

Imagination as in opening your mind. You have a very negative view of being a woman, men, the world, so it figures you cant see any good in days gone by.

1- you don't have to use a mobile phone, use your landline. I mean why even use Mumsnet...?

1. Again, you can socialise as much as you want

3.Again, host! I've had 3 dinner parties this year so far

1. I don't drive now, nothing forces me to and my children play out in our street

5.Younas a woman wouldn't have had any debt as you weren't allowed credit so how other people's debts wants to drive you to the past I don't know

1. People still cook and thanks to better health education most people eat healthier than in the past
2. You can dress how you like today and listen to whatever you like
3. What's stopping you talking to your neighbours now?

So basically, like eagle, you've listed a bunch of stuff you can do NOW but with the legal protections, financial freedoms, advances in healthcare. There's not a single thing on that list you can't enjoy without having to rubbish the progress women fought for.

🤣🤣🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ oh well she gave examples, you rubbished them, you dont want to live in the past, she does, it's one of the many ways people are all different!

Because as per your examples it wasn't actually a lost of anything better on the past because they're all still things she could do NOW without bemoaning the world we live in, the progress for women, and saying the last was better, beautiful and timeless. She's welcome to want to go back to having no rights, no money and worse healthcare but she should say that instead of espousing the kind of rose tinted view of the past being falsely advertised to young girls and women online. Correcting misinformation on a public forum happens to be what I like to do, as you say we're all different! 👍🏻

Yes all you do is concentrate on the negative like I say, you won't see the good stuff when all you do is look negatively at something.

I changed my surname to that of my then partner’s because I wanted people to see us as a couple and eventually a family when kids came along. I am quite traditional in some ways and it never occurred to me that he might want to take my name (spoiler alert: he never did). When I got divorced I changed my name back to my maiden name because ExH turned out to be a very unpleasant person.

My daughter has her DFs name. She has no plans to change it (she’s a legal adult).

Changing my name back has been a huge aggravation though. In this digital age, some places need a ton of paperwork to change a name on an account or legal document. The worst was my mobile phone company, who didn’t understand my name was changing because of a divorce, not a marriage.

At the end of the day our kids are usually named after their Dad. It’s a silly idea. We should pick all our kids’ names on what suits them best.

Hang on, pointing out that today isn't worse times than the last is looking at the negative? If think bemoaning all the rights and privilege you have and sulking because you'd rather be a 1940s housewife is being negative. But then I'm also not the kind of negative repeatedly jumping into a conversation they apparently have no stakes in.

Because when talking about the past all you do is bring up the same negative things. It's not about whether its better or worse overall, just that some people prefer the way of life back then.

And everything they "preferred" is available as a way of life now and no they didn't prefer it because they never experienced it. They're making up a fictional past. Again, you're not one of those people so what's your stake in this conversation?

Oh dear, you obviously dont speak much to people IRL do you. And no not everything is the same now, you can try and recreate things but there is a difference between the way and pace of life then as opposed to now.