Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

[AdEmRoJaAn]

Hi all, I have 5 children, DS are 25 and 22, DDs are 24, 19 and 17.

This weekend all 5 of them are staying at home as Friday night was my husbands birthday party.

Today my niece brought her 5 day old baby girl to come and meet us. My youngest 3 came downstairs and chatted, held baby etc. but my eldest 2 didn’t. DD is going through a break up and claims she was too tired as she didn’t really sleep last night and she doesn’t really like holding babies. DS said he just doesn’t get the hype but apologised. They were here for 3 hours so hardly like they didn’t have plenty of time to pop in.

AIBU to be absolutely raging that they were so bloody rude?

Of course she was hiding away. She knew her cousin was due to visit and chose to hide away upstairs instead of either a) going back home as planned or b) wiping her eyes and sucking it up for five minutes to be polite.

No, it's not all about the cousin - it's about having basic manners, break up or no break up

Yes I’m sure she chose to break down in tears.

She’s choosing not to block the ex, thus she’s choosing not to help herself.

Some people overly concerned with manners, less with a young woman having a seriously bad time.

Some people don’t like babies 🤷‍♂️

They were rude and childish. As adults they should know how to behave politely with family - it would have taken them 2 minutes to come downstairs, say hello to cousin and acknowledge the baby with a smile.

Yes, humans aren’t perfect especially when emotions come into play.

She can still dry her eyes and put on a smile for a few minutes.

If she's that upset, she should block the ex, not let him text her constantly

Some people would say that a grown woman sobbing in her childhood bedroom like a teenager over a breakup is idiotic too. OP needs to tell her to block the boyfriend and remind her that the entire world doesn't revolve around her.

Some people just lack manners.

Or maybe some of us feel that going through a bad time isn't an excuse for bad manners.

I ageee about the blocking, but not everyone has perfect control of their emotions, nor should they have to, nor is it a particularly healthy approach. Sometimes you really do have to put yourself first.

She has her own house! She is only 'in her childhood bedroom' because she is at home for her father's birthday. OP is making a ridiculous fuss over nothing, she should be happy that the family all came home to celebrate their father without demanding that everyone make a fuss about the act of someone having given birth

I agree, but putting yourself first doesn't mean being rude and ignoring guests.

If she was that upset she couldn't face her cousin, she should have gone home as planned, not hidden away upstairs.

I would say that if you seriously feel that a cousin visiting with her baby when you’re in the middle of a major crisis means you need to slap on a smile and appear regardless, then you should probably have a hard think about why you think ‘manners’ are more important than basic self-care. I bet if the visiting cousin knew the truth, she’d have been the first to say she shouldn’t dream of coming down.

Some people overly concerned with manners, less with a young woman having a seriously bad time.

Omg ffs. A "seriously bad time". She is 24, she broke up with boyfriend. Its upsetting but its life? This sort of thing happens a lot. Life has its ups and downs, life goes on. Nobody died. If she'd come downstairs maybe the distraction would have helped. Sitting dwelling on misery doesn't help you through it. Sounds like she needs a bit of perspective in life, there are people living in war zones, children dying etc.

I don’t agree. She might have been fine until five minutes before the cousin came. Who knows. In either case I’m not even sure this is a genuine post because OP started by saying the kids were too/tired bored to come down, then dropped a completely different scenario, so we’re probably wasting our time arguing.

Very true, but that’s a total pain for everyone else around them. People will only have so much sympathy for someone who point blank refuses to help themselves - hence the OP’s frustration. Even her brother will get fed up of that soon enough.

Wallowing (what you call “empathy”, though it really isn’t) is never good for anyone, and I find adults who think it is bizarre. Life goes on - far better to join in than not.

And three of them did. The other two had a pressing reason not to.

Then she's still sobbing in her childhood bedroom isn't she?

And it's nothing to do with the birth (which yes, normal people do celebrate whether they like babies or not) and everything to do with manners.

I'd be seriously concerned that a grown woman was unable to plaster on a smile for thirty seconds to pop her head around the lounge door to say hello and congratulations to her own cousin. If she can't cope with her ex seeing someone else without shutting herself away and dissolving into tears constantly, how on earth will she cope with actual real life problems further down the line?

Hell of a lot of people on here who are seriously lacking expectation of their kids to have a bit of backbone and resilience.

Oh, please.

”Self care” isn’t a reason to be rude and opt out of basic social niceties. If she didn’t want to see her cousin, which is totally fair enough, she should have gone home as planned, or gone out, not hidden away upstairs in her childhood bedroom and ignored everyone.

@IwasDueANameChange , I would have thought a young woman who’d recently had an abortion deserves abit more consideration than your oh ffs reply.

Meeting babies is incredibly tedious. And whilst ordinarily you might think they should come down and say hi to their cousin on this occasion all it is going to be is bloody baby chat and being expected to fawn over infant and mum. Boring and I'd imagine especially shit if you are going through a breakup.