Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

[AdEmRoJaAn]

Hi all, I have 5 children, DS are 25 and 22, DDs are 24, 19 and 17.

This weekend all 5 of them are staying at home as Friday night was my husbands birthday party.

Today my niece brought her 5 day old baby girl to come and meet us. My youngest 3 came downstairs and chatted, held baby etc. but my eldest 2 didn’t. DD is going through a break up and claims she was too tired as she didn’t really sleep last night and she doesn’t really like holding babies. DS said he just doesn’t get the hype but apologised. They were here for 3 hours so hardly like they didn’t have plenty of time to pop in.

AIBU to be absolutely raging that they were so bloody rude?

But why do you think people have to interact with people if they don’t want to or they have bigger things going on? You don’t owe anyone interaction, and they might not be remotely close to this cousin.

Why so we have to hide our emotions for someone else convenience?

Because not everything is about our own emotions, that's why. Sometimes we have to do things that are unpleasant, or awkward, or boring. That's life.

Because it's basic manners to greet your family when they are visiting!

Jesus. If you don't want to interact, go back to your own house.

Yes when we absolutely have to but this wasn’t one of those situations. You could say the same about the cousin, she can suck up her disappointment about not seeing them (if she even cares), no?

So she’s very upset post-breakup, having just been hit with new information about her ex dating, and she doesn’t feel able to put on a happy host face/want to be seen in a vulnerable state by someone she’s not close to and isn’t particularly interested in. A day later she may have been able to face visitors, but not when she’s reeling from something she’s just learned.

This reads like this was just bad timing in this specific instance. Obviously you’re seeing it in the wider context of their general disinterest in your side of the family, something you’re clearly resentful of.

Not everyone is close to their family. Not everyone would think it rude she didn’t come down when she was so upset. Sure, send the sobbing child home just so you don’t look rude. Jesus Christ!

We live in a world of increased selfishness and decreased social skills. My kids would automatically come down and say hello out of politeness, whatever was going on in their lives.

Then in that case, why did it matter that they didn't go down to see their cousin. Incidentally, I don't think a twenty year old having a baby is something to celebrate, it is an idiotic decision.

Well, I disagree.

Cousin came for a pre-arranged visit, which the DD knew about and chose to stick about for. She could go home if she couldn't face it.

I think she was rude. You clearly disagree, but it's a waste of time hashing it out. You won't change my mind and I'm sure I won't change yours.

Exactly - it's bloody depressing IMO.

So many people who can't even be arsed to take two minutes out of their day to congratulate a relative on their newborn baby.

What child? She’s an adult. 24 years old. By refusing to come down she’s certainly behaving like a child, though, I grant you (along with considering herself to be above this cousin and refusing to block her ex).

But whether she was upstairs or at home, the why result was not seeing the cousin. At least if she stays at the family home she get some support. Although the OP seems more concerned with being proper than helping her daughter.

It turned out that getting pregnant at 20 was one of the best decisions of my life.

Wow, that’s rude.

She’s the ops child, or do our children stop being our children once they get to a certain age?

i don’t think people struggling emotionally are rude if whey can’t live up to usual standards. It’s called empathy. We can’t all be perfect all the time rude to expect people to soldier on just to please you.

Yes, but if she was at home, she wouldn't be being rude - she'd just be in her own home. It's the hiding away upstairs bit that's rude

Maybe OP thinks that going through a break-up isn't an excuse to be rude to your family - which I happen agree with.

did you read the updates?

Taking 5 minutes to “soldier on”, greet your cousin and congratulate her on the baby’s arrival isn’t much. You’re so-called empathy is simply infantilising.

She wasn’t hiding away she was going through an emotional crisis. It’s not like she went down and called the baby ugly. She just declined to visit with her because she was in her own distress.

I’d consider it incredibly rude to expect someone to set their tears and pull themselves together to come and say hello to me. It’s not all about the cousin either.

I think it’s also very telling that the OP is snarkily saying that these two “think they’re above” her side of the family, presumably because they are making better choices than getting pregnant at 19/20.

Why so we have to hide our emotions for someone else convenience?
Because not everything is about our own emotions, that's why. Sometimes we have to do things that are unpleasant, or awkward, or boring. That's life.

This,,she's 24, yes its a break up but if he already texting about some else hes met, presumably its been not happened this morning. Life goes on, we can't just sink into a puddle of our emotions any time anything bad happens and then stay there. Its rude. She just need to pull herself together for a few mins to pop downstairs, say congratulations etc, then she could have politely made excuses/said she was tired, she didn't have to sit for 3 hours she just had to be polite.

Well I think putting perceived rudeness over someone’s distress is incredibly lacking in emapthy. If they’re not even close, the cousin probably couldn’t care less

I’d give your daughter a pass here, because she was going through a lot and I imagine it might have been difficult for her to hold it together in front of her cousin.

Your son, however, has no excuse for not coming down for a couple minutes to say hello. It’s not about whether he likes his cousin or whether he likes babies - it’s about spending three whole hours refusing to acknowledge the presence of a guest on the house. “Hi, Rosie. Congratulations. Oh, there’s the baby - wow, what big eyes! How’re you doing? Ah, well, good to see you. Congratulations again.” Absolute basic manners.

Not everything is about the cousin and whether she finds their lack of appearance rude then, no?

Breathtakingly rude. I'd be gutted if my children grew up and behaved like this. It reflects horribly on you and DH too.

So many people these days think the world should revolve around their own wants and needs, no matter how it affects those around us.