Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

[AdEmRoJaAn]

Hi all, I have 5 children, DS are 25 and 22, DDs are 24, 19 and 17.

This weekend all 5 of them are staying at home as Friday night was my husbands birthday party.

Today my niece brought her 5 day old baby girl to come and meet us. My youngest 3 came downstairs and chatted, held baby etc. but my eldest 2 didn’t. DD is going through a break up and claims she was too tired as she didn’t really sleep last night and she doesn’t really like holding babies. DS said he just doesn’t get the hype but apologised. They were here for 3 hours so hardly like they didn’t have plenty of time to pop in.

AIBU to be absolutely raging that they were so bloody rude?

Some people prioritise social niceties, and being seen to do the right thing, over the things that really matter. I find it quite sad.

It just shows that "basic manners" aren't basic at all

Because it's clear there are 2 very distinct ideas of what's rude.

I think if you're upset, it's rude to expect that to be "turned off" to make others happy. So do you

They are adults, so yes you are being unreasonable.

No, it really isn't.

I would never have dreamed of behaving that way at 14, let alone at 24. Aren't all you grown adults embarrassed to behave the way you do? Hiding away in childhood bedrooms and not even greeting your relatives?

Bonkers.

Yes, I’m the same. I think manners are not some fixed thing that you have to apply 100 percentage of the time of the time or else - sometimes a situation arises and you can’t hold people to the same standards because to do so would be detrimental to them.

Embarrassed that I might stay in my room whilst upset instead of seeing someone I wasn't even expecting to see?

Nope

Aren’t you embarrassed to be so hung up on social niceties that someone’s actual pain comes second?

And yes, Suck It Up is another way of saying "suppress your emotions"

No, because I'm not ridiculous enough to think my "pain" takes priority over absolutely everything and everyone else

Wow.

Rather me that has empathy for others than you who has none

But the cousins visiting does? Why do her needs have more importance to you that the daughters?

You think a baby visit does however

I never said they did.

I said that I would be embarrassed to be hiding away in my childhood bedroom at 24 years of age and incapable of wiping away my tears, being polite and saying hello to my family who had come to visit.

I have plenty of empathy, I just think that sometimes you need to suck it up, wipe your tears and get on with it, even if you can't be bothered. Because life isn't all about you.

I think it's impolite for people to have to hide their emotions on my behalf 🤷‍♀️

And she wasn't hiding ffs.

No, I think sucking it up for your family is what you do, whether you feel like it or not. If you can't be bothered, then go home.

Telling people to suck it up is not remotely empathetic.

lol, of course she was.

🤣🤣🤣

You have 0 empathy for anyone if you think suck it up and get on with it is an acceptable comment

No. She wasn't.

Sitting in your room isn't FUCKING HIDING

Surely your family are the people you never have to suck it up for? The people who support you when you’re down? Not the people who force you to conformso they save face

Oh well, you can carry on thinking that.

Break ups are shit, I'm not denying that, but they're not an excuse to hide away in your bedroom and ignore guests. The adult daughter should have gone back to her own house if she felt so awful.

We really need to bring back the laugh response 😂

Cousin could suck it up and acknowledge her cousin is upset and not expect fawning over from her ...