Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

[AdEmRoJaAn]

Hi all, I have 5 children, DS are 25 and 22, DDs are 24, 19 and 17.

This weekend all 5 of them are staying at home as Friday night was my husbands birthday party.

Today my niece brought her 5 day old baby girl to come and meet us. My youngest 3 came downstairs and chatted, held baby etc. but my eldest 2 didn’t. DD is going through a break up and claims she was too tired as she didn’t really sleep last night and she doesn’t really like holding babies. DS said he just doesn’t get the hype but apologised. They were here for 3 hours so hardly like they didn’t have plenty of time to pop in.

AIBU to be absolutely raging that they were so bloody rude?

Massively rude. No excuses for not coming down to see their cousin.

Rude, arrogant, immature snobs.

You sound like your care more about the cousin than your own adult child.

She’s had an abortion in the last year, recently separated and his texting her being an arse. She’s up all night crying and your answer if well she should block him. Funny enough heart doesn’t always allow the head logical thinking. She loves/d him she was at one point pregnant with his child regardless of what reason led to her abortion she could also regret it. Your older child was supporting his sister while you were gushing over the baby.

They don’t like the cousin either. Id say it would have been ruder for them to come down and say hi and leave after 5 minutes. If they didn’t leave their rooms and you didn’t tell her they where there she would have no idea.

hey dd I know your not fussed about your cousin, I know your ex is breaking your heart and I know you had an abortion with him. But come cuddle cousins new baby… I’m too upset mum… no it’s rude put on your big girl pants and do as your told and smile and be nice to cousin and baby since you won’t block him and get over it.

Is how you come across

This is such a culturally alien point of view for me. Honestly.

Basic manners. Why and earth didn’t you go upstairs and get them to come and say hello for 10 mins?? They could have made a cheery excuse work / teams meeting whatever to disappear again.

I actually agree with them. You don’t invite guests and then force guests on the guests with no notice and expect them to want to become part of the hosting party.

They where visiting for dads birthday party not cousins baby show and tell.

She was bawling her eyes out!

She would have had to suppress her emotions to not make it a big fuss

Good god, no wonder there are so many rude, selfish and generally horrible people in general society today. I can't believe the number of posters on here coming up with every excuse under the sun why an adult child, in their parents' home, wouldn't come down and say hello to their cousin and new baby. It's hardly an unusual or onerous task but you'd think it was an outrageous demand given the crap some people are spouting.

I think it was extremely rude and insulting and I would have been ashamed of my children if they'd behaved like that( they wouldn't dream of it). In the case of OP's DD, sometimes as an actual adult you just have to slap on a smile and get on with it. They could just have come down even briefly to say hello, admired the baby( no need to hold it) and welcomed a new member of the family.

Guaranteed that when the time comes to have a baby of their own they'd be livid if their cousins ignored them and stayed upstairs if they were in the same house.

You sound very insensitive to your DD. She was upset, her brother was comforting her. No shit she didn't feel like socializing. And presumably didn't want to make it all about herself. Bit rude perhaps, but understandable.
I'm also in awe that anyone would be out on 3 hour visits 5 days post partum. I hope that was willingly.

It honestly wouldn’t bother me. I’ve had visitors stop by, and my teens haven’t always come out to say hello, and to be fair, I don’t mind. These visitors haven’t really made much of an effort with them over the years, so just because they’ve decided to drop in doesn’t mean my teens should be expected to make themselves available.

And we wonder why we have spoilt entitled kids… you think it’s unreasonable to say hello for 10 mins jeez!

I would've forced myself to show face for a while but I absolutely did not care about other people having kids at that age.

I'll be honest, I felt sorry for people I knew having kids back then. The concept of 'settling down' in my home town felt like a nightmare to me. I ran away from it at every chance I got.

I can see why you'd think they were rude not to pop down, but 'raging' is a bit much, I think.

I do think it's unreasonable to expect them to care about others having kids or want to meet the baby.

I think it is basic manners to come out of your room and say hi to a visitor, especially family. Even when I was a teen, I'd come out and say hi how are you?. If a baby was involved, I'd honestly say I am not comfortable with holding a baby as I'm nervous I might hurt them. Say the baby is cute...and vanish. That's all it takes.

Again, it's not "suppressing your emotions" to suck it up, dry your eyes and be polite for a few minutes.

Nobody is saying she has to stop feeling upset, or never cry again - they're saying that going through a break-up, while shit, isn't a reason to be rude and ignore your visiting family.

If she felt so upset she was bawling her eyes out, she should have gone back home, not ignored the guests she knew were coming to visit.

That would be unacceptable in my house. If there's a visitor then you go down to see them, it's basic manners - especially for 20-somethings! I'm 26 with a house and kids but can't imagine acting this way if I still lived with my mum and a member of our family visited.

Ah yea

She could just give a cheery excuse through her tears...

I guess they mean that the Mum has made the assumption that as her kids are visiting that they'd want to also see extended family.

I'll be honest, I wouldn't exactly be excited if I went to visit my Mum for a few days and she arranged for cousins to visit. I'd go along with it happily on the surface but honestly rather not be in the position.

That said, I'm not close to them at all. DS is 12 and only a handful of my cousins have met him, that being in passing for the most part.

Certainly not close enough that I'd go out of my way to see a new baby.

Lots of people aren't close with cousins, in my experience.

I can’t believe the number of people who think you can (or even should) just shut off your emotions in a flash. Or those who think it’s rude to occasionally prioritise yourself because it might make your family look rude ( if I as the cousin, I wouldn’t think it rude at all).

I thought this was going to be about adult children not coming from their own homes coming to join you to.see their cousins baby in a hospital/cousins house. But refusing to come downstairs to say hello is very rude. Doenst matter if you hate babies, you come and say hello to guests.

And the reason it's culturally alien is because family aren't "guests". It's not like OP invited the Queen. When my DS comes home from uni, he fits in with whatever we have planned.

He wouldn't dare not come down when we have any visitors, let alone his cousin and her newborn baby.

It's exactly that. Sucking it up is the same as suppressing you emotions

Her mother is showing a complete lack of compassion for her daughter.

DD probably should leave and have nothing more to do with her

Not being close to cousins and barely seeing them is v culturally alien to me.

As is adult children thinking they have any say over who comes to my house.

Yes it is called tells lies and should not be done.

Jeez. No wonder young people rarely have any resilience.

So why are you raging that they didn’t socialise with your niece? That was never the plan.

plus your daughter sounds really upset and you sound like you couldn’t care less, that it was more important for you to keep up appearances with the extended family. Like did you really expect your daughter to magically stop crying, put some makeup on to hide she was crying and act as if nothing was wrong to your niece? Makes zero sense.

Also your adult offspring are supposed to be visiting you, why are you double booking with your niece? That was always going to be chaos