Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

[AdEmRoJaAn]

Hi all, I have 5 children, DS are 25 and 22, DDs are 24, 19 and 17.

This weekend all 5 of them are staying at home as Friday night was my husbands birthday party.

Today my niece brought her 5 day old baby girl to come and meet us. My youngest 3 came downstairs and chatted, held baby etc. but my eldest 2 didn’t. DD is going through a break up and claims she was too tired as she didn’t really sleep last night and she doesn’t really like holding babies. DS said he just doesn’t get the hype but apologised. They were here for 3 hours so hardly like they didn’t have plenty of time to pop in.

AIBU to be absolutely raging that they were so bloody rude?

I don’t think it’s a “not into babies” situation. A family member has gone through a major life transition and it is rude not to acknowledge it.

They don’t need to hold the baby but a hello and congratulations wouldn’t have been difficult.

It’s a new family member.

Her needs don't involve putting her cousin out in any way.

And when it became clear that they were staying longer and would therefore overlap with the prearranged visit by their cousin, what did you say to them?

Did you (calmly, clearly, and before the cousin arrived) explain that the visit was arranged before you knew that they were going to be there, but that as they were now going to be there you would appreciate it if they showed face for 5 minutes?

Out of interest, does your niece live nearby? I ask because having her around for 3 hours when your own children (who don't seem to like her very much) are visiting rather than seeing her off sooner seems a bit odd, but wouldn't if she'd made a journey to get there.

I know but some people seem to think they do!

I'm inclined to agree with this and I'm a bit sceptical that all the posters who think they should have popped in for five minutes and left again wouldn't be up in arms at that perceived rudeness too.

Really thought it depends on the relationship. I'm know on MN it's considered the norm to be BFFs with all your cousins but that is really not reflective of complex real life relationships. I expect that mine would probably struggle to pick me out of a police line up.

😂

Very rude and antisocial. In our house everyone participates when relatives come. If someone wasn’t feeling well they could pop down for a chat and slope off later. Apart from that it’s all muck in, regardless of if you’d rather be on your phone or with your boyfriend or gaming. Surprising when people allow young adult children to opt out.

Allow? You can’t control what a 24-year-old does. I suppose you could issue an ultimatum, but then there’s a good chance it’s you they’d be avoiding in future.

I think it's far worse to expect people who aren't 100% to fake an interaction when they aren't feeling it

Me too.
Some of these posts are giving me second hand social anxiety.

And who wants fakeness and disingenuous fawning anyway? It seems like people who expect that are the really self-absorbed ones.

I’d much rather people were open and honest, and I wouldn’t expect OPs daughter to be wheeled out for me when she was feeling so low and struggling so much. I can’t understand that mentality at all.

Three out of five isn't bad, op. I doubt your niece minded. If your daughter is currently grieving over a break up, I can understand how she felt - she might have burst into tears or something. As for your son, blokes don't care that much until it's their turn. I would have told him to show his face at least if he wasn't asleep, did you try? However your young ones greated their cousin and her baby which was nice.

Put it behind you.

Raging about it? Very unreasonable.

Slightly disgruntled, fair enough!

Stop micromanaging your family to make you look or feel good
Your dd is in Turmoil. Offer her support. be more available
Stop manipulating your family to curate your picture perfect image

🤣 that’s a mental way of looking at the situation

There were at least 5 of you there to chat with the cousin and make a fuss of the baby, your oldest son and daughter don't get on with the cousin and neither of them want to see the baby. I think it's lovely that your daughter is being comforted by her brother and there's no need to spoil a family get-together by getting angry over a trivial thing.

No, we don’t - just an expectation of basic politeness from the OP to greet a guest and family member, which need take all of 5 minutes time from “self care”.

Yes I agree OP. It’s incredibly rude for them not to have popped down to say hello.

Are you always so melodramatic?

It's not "suppressing your emotions" to go and say hello to your cousin for a few minute

You think it’s rude, some people think making upset people plaster on a fake smile (which they might not be able to) is ruder, and unnecessary.

The oldest ones should have just said hi and congratulations. Weird and rude not to. No matter how either of them are feeling, they could have come down and said hi cousin, congrats, I'm sorry but I'll have to go back upstairs as feeling unwell, but all the best with your new baby.

Yes, I’m now well aware that you think basic manners, social skills and general adulting are fake.

It sounds like the eldest dd and ds have absolutely no relationship with their cousin whatsoever.
They were supposed to be back in London, so the cousin clearly hadn't come to see them anyway.

your niece's child ?

thus their 2nd cousin ?

I wouldn't have expected nor hoped that any of them would be interested in meeting a distant relative. Nor would I think any of them would be wanting to see / hold a baby.

Are any of them close to this cousin ? are any of them in her age range ?

You said it first.
Adults have the power to make personal choices. Fortunately.