Oh no, I’m going to be ‘that’ hen organiser everyone hates!

[Hatedhen]

I’ve organised a hen weekend for my sister which is next weekend & I’ve just found out that i should have organised her travel there including getting the hens to cover the cost…. I’ve already had to ask the hens for more money than initially agreed as I hadn’t accounted for taxis & food in the initial price, and now I need to go back and ask for more.
They’re all going to hate me aren’t they?!

I’ve never been to a weekend hen do and had no idea that it was my job to organise and cost up literally every aspect of the weekend but apparently in her circle that’s what the organiser does. Everyone is also expected to cover every expense for the bride which I’m flabbergasted by!!!

I’m a SAHM so I only have a limited budget so can’t afford to pay for her travel myself but I’m really stressing about asking for the money now as I know everyone is going to be really annoyed.

Who says they should pay for her?

Is the issue simply that you don't want to ask/tell them?

As you've said its normal in their circle to do these things so surely it's expected. Can't you say "sorry forgot to include the cost of x and y for bride so can you all send me an extra £z please"

Is it a surprise for the hen? How did you think she was going to get there? Is it abroad?

Sounds very stressful!

Can't you speak to your sister about it? Plus if it's normal in their group to pay for the bride, then they may be fine about it?

You didn't know OP, it's not your fault and you're trying your best!

It's not compulsory for everyone to pay for the bride. I'm sure your sister won't mind.

I've never been on a hen do where the Brides costs are covered.

Sounds stressful but just send the message, you’ll probably feel better once it’s done and if you can’t afford it yourself, it needs to be sent.

Just be upfront and say you didn't account for the cost of bride to be travel costs. Apologise and hope they are kind.

Some might not pay. Hopefully some will.
I'd personally roll my eyes and pay at this request (if you aren't talking silly money and if I'd not already handed over loads). I'd also feel sorry for you because it's a thankless task.

How much extra are you talking?

How did you "find out"?

I think the hen should pay for her own travel costs.

This isn't a hard and fast rule, I think you can be honest on the Whatsapp chat with the hens. "Hi Everyone, I'm just looking ahead at the weekend and thinking about travel plans. Obviously we're all making our way to however I'm just wondering if it would be a nice gesture to cover the travel costs for ___ as well? Also, I wondered about covering food costs? I realise everyone has already contributed a lot, so let me know your thoughts."

Alternatively, you could message the bride something like: "So looking forward to your hen weekend. Here is the travel itinerary and it looks like it's working out at about £_, I've attached the menu for the restaurant as well so you can have a look through. I hope that's ok with your budget? Obviously we're covering accommodation, I just didn't want you to feel anything had been sprung on you on the day."

Is someone driving from nearby to her who could pick her up?

I mean, if it were me, I would cover it myself or ask my Mum / Dad or her DH to-be for help. I wouldn’t go back to all the girls again and ask for more.

Or as it’s your sister could you say ‘Look I ballsed up and didn’t include your travel for the weekend, it’s embarrassing to go back to the whole group and ask for more money, can you bung me £30 to keep the peace?’ If it were my hen do I’d say of course no problem.

Well she needs to get the train so I presumed she would buy her own ticket but apparently not….

Is she in the WhatsApp organising it or have you don’t it as a surprise? Is she refusing to buy her own ticket?

Who told you she wouldn't pay it herself? She's your sister, so id just let her know what it'll cost her and that it wasn't included in the costs for the others.

Alternatively just let the other hens know you didn't realise they covered this in their circle and hasn't included it and it's xx amount and see what they say.

I’m happy to cover a meal for the bride but no bloody way would I attend a hen do where I was expected to cover the bride’s entire trip. That’s total cheeky fucker territory.

You might have to just take the hit for this one OP, depending on the people invited & their finances.

I have also got a friend’s hen do next weekend and of the 12 people going I know that at least 4 of them would say no or would say yes but then be unable to attend the weekend as a result of having to pay more money at this late stage. Lots of people budget quite tightly now, there’s no space for unexpected expenses.

This! It shouldn't be a free event for the hen!

💯
You pay for her OP, she's your sister!

In my world people pay their own hen or not

When you say you cant afford to pay for the travel, do you mean you cant cover the whole cost yourself, or you cant afford to contribute?

But for what its worth I hate this practice

Just ask the hen to pay for her own ticket….expecting the hens to pay is unreasonable let alone asking them last minute.

What a thankless task - just send the message asking for another 15/20£ each or whatever is it and apologise and say you got the maths wrong. Im not saying your sister should be paid for but hopefully shes only getting married once and theres enough of you to make the costs smaller