Oh no, I’m going to be ‘that’ hen organiser everyone hates!

[Hatedhen]

I’ve organised a hen weekend for my sister which is next weekend & I’ve just found out that i should have organised her travel there including getting the hens to cover the cost…. I’ve already had to ask the hens for more money than initially agreed as I hadn’t accounted for taxis & food in the initial price, and now I need to go back and ask for more.
They’re all going to hate me aren’t they?!

I’ve never been to a weekend hen do and had no idea that it was my job to organise and cost up literally every aspect of the weekend but apparently in her circle that’s what the organiser does. Everyone is also expected to cover every expense for the bride which I’m flabbergasted by!!!

I’m a SAHM so I only have a limited budget so can’t afford to pay for her travel myself but I’m really stressing about asking for the money now as I know everyone is going to be really annoyed.

It's a shame someone else in the blushing bride's circle with more experience of organising such events couldn't have taken on this particular one.
I'm got to stop reading about modern day hen gatherings. Most of them seem over-long, over-complex, ludicrously expensive (worryingly so for some) and mightily stressful for the poor unfortunate organiser.
And I'm convinced that contrary to the joyful pictures on social media many attendees are there by obligation and don't enjoy enforced merry-making, often with random women they'd normally avoid like the plague.
FF's sake, just book out a room in any decent pub, club or hotel with a sound system, organise a simple buffet, get ratarsed, have some laughs, let people escape if they want to - and then go home in pre-ordered taxis. Simples.
Anyone who can't make it is probably relieved to be in that situation if truth be told.

I would not be happy to be asked for more money at this stage. But then I don’t get why your sister isn’t paying her own way. Just remind her to book her train ticket and then forget about it! If she herself has said she won’t pay, just laugh and tell her not to be such a CF.

Sorry but why should you have to pay for the bride? You're already under a lot of stress and financial commitment through having to attend this hen do, and more financial expectation will come with the wedding no doubt.

Why do people think their wedding is SO important?

We were happy with a gathering of friends at the local pub - and WE put money behind the bar!

Either tell your sister that she’s paying for herself or you pay for her.

This is why I always turn down hen parties. There’s always more costs and cheeky fuckery. It’s endless with hen do’s

The bride can cover her own costs getting there. Having other people pay to celebrate your lifestyle choices is entitled.

I wouldnt expect to cover the hens main costs like travel and accommodation. I would expect to taking turns with others buying her drinks, maybe dinner etc, buying some accessories if doing the dressing up thing.

How did you find this out?

This.

Why apparently not? Is she refusing?

Is she refusing?

I think it’s really taking the piss as a bride to expect your hens to fund your weekend away tbh. Fair enough if the hen do is an evening out, bride doesn’t pay for the meal and gets drinks bought. But a weekend with travel, accommodation, food and drink, and activities? No, the bride shouldn’t expect everything covered for her.

This! And I’d also be really embarrassed if I found out that my closest friends & family were being asked to send more & more money to avoid me just paying for myself!

I don’t think the bride should be paid for, however…

If, as the OP says, this is how it’s done in the bride’s circle of friends, then the bride may already have contributed to the costs of 8 previous brides in her group going on their hen dos.

It would be a bit unfair on her if she was the only one who had to pay for her own.

Don’t ask for more money at this point. Either ask your sister to pay and apologise for missing that bit. Or cover it yourself (loan from mum and dad?!)

I know she is your sister, but she is being a cheeky fucker expecting the hens to pay for her train ticket.

This is WILD to me.
As PP said, I would chip in for a meal, but there's no way I would ever be in a friend group where we were expected to cover all of the costs.

I think the hen/stag culture is a bit strange anyway (but I know that is an unpopular opinion).

We are in a COL crisis. Most people don't have the disposable income they used to, and I think events like this should be aware of and begin to reflect that.

I see so many posts on here from people who can't afford to attend but feel pressure etc.

I would be honest with your sister and say you didn't realise. I think if you've already asked for more money than agreed, you really can't go back and ask for more now.

I’d expect to cover everything for the hen. It’s been the case for every hen do I’ve ever attended (and I’ve been to lots).

I would also expect the hen organiser to discuss and set expectations from the very beginning. For example, ‘I’m thinking a weekend away, somewhere under an hour’s flight, we cover bride’s flight and accommodation, pay for our own booze, kitty for everything else - any objections?’ Then people can feed back/object/make suggestions.

It sounds like you didn’t do that.

Me neither, and my circle is not short of cash.

Your sister needs to pay for herself. It is totally unreasonable to expect her hens to pay for her.

Any time we were expected to cover a bride’s costs the organiser asked if we were ok with that upfront - but it was usually minor costs eg a dinner - not the whole weekend.

My hens very kindly paid my accommodation but I paid for travel for the hen I travelled with, paid for drinks during the time for them and paid for pizza while we were getting ready to go out one night. No way would I have let them pay everything for me, and I hasten to add my hen was in 2016 so things weren't anywhere near as expensive as they are now!

I hate all this hen weekend shit. Give me a nice meal out and some drinks with pals and call it a day. And no I wouldn’t expect anyone to cover my costs as a bride. I’d be actively uncomfortable about it in fact if people were already having to shell out to go away.

Hen do’s and the organisation of and the sense of entitlement is insane!

The bride and her fella decided to get married, why does everyone have to pay for to attend her hen do?

The bride should pay for herself.

What sort of money are we talking about here? If you feel too uncomfortable asking for contributions, could you just cover it yourself? She is your sister after all.

As she's your sister, you are best placed to tell her not to be an ungrateful sod. I cannot stand this entitled hen culture that's developed. I absolutely would not ask the other hens. Tell your sister to sort her travel. Maybe her future husband would be happy to if not