Oh no, I’m going to be ‘that’ hen organiser everyone hates!

[Hatedhen]

I’ve organised a hen weekend for my sister which is next weekend & I’ve just found out that i should have organised her travel there including getting the hens to cover the cost…. I’ve already had to ask the hens for more money than initially agreed as I hadn’t accounted for taxis & food in the initial price, and now I need to go back and ask for more.
They’re all going to hate me aren’t they?!

I’ve never been to a weekend hen do and had no idea that it was my job to organise and cost up literally every aspect of the weekend but apparently in her circle that’s what the organiser does. Everyone is also expected to cover every expense for the bride which I’m flabbergasted by!!!

I’m a SAHM so I only have a limited budget so can’t afford to pay for her travel myself but I’m really stressing about asking for the money now as I know everyone is going to be really annoyed.

What if OP can't afford it?
Why should she pay anyway? I didn't pay for my sister's travel for her hen do. I organised the activities, booked the restaurant and we all chipped in for her meal.
All the other stuff she paid for herself. Like an adult.

Why do people think they shouldn't pay for things?

@Hatedhen its OK OP. I once organised a baby shower and forgot to invite the mother to be!

No, she needs to pay for her own travel. Why should the other guests have to pay? They’re already paying enough to attend and giving up their weekend. 🤔

Thanks everyone for the comments - btw I 100% agree with the comments that it’s ridiculous to cover everything for the bride !!!

I’m really not happy about it especially as I funded my own hen party (dinner out) but that’s the way it’s done with my sister’s friends. She’s done it for them so it’s her turn now. And so the cycle goes on…..

My parents have already helped out loads on this, and I can’t ask my husband as money is very tight this month and it will just wipe us out. I think I’m going to have to just ask for it and take the hit if not everyone pays.

I am so glad I am at an age where I hopefully will never be invited to one of these hen parties.

Don’t take the hit. If all her friends did it for her then they should pay. Do not use your own money if other people refuse.

Don’t do that. I would send a message saying you didn’t realise that they did it that way in the friendship group. Then either they pay for her or the bride can pay any shortfall. No way should you have to cover this. I think it’s really selfish to expect others to pay like this. They will already have costs relating to the wedding.

For a hen you are better off booking through a website or agency as everything is already done as a package: accommodation, activity, travel, breakfast and dinner. The brides cost is already calculated into the package. I've never been to a hen where the bride has had to pay for anything. Sorry this doesn't help but if you have to plan another hen definitely do this!

I would tell your sister you hadn't considered her travel costs in your calculations of the costs for the other attendees, and ask if she is happy to pay for herself.

Can you not text the group and say something like - sorry just thought I think you all have a tradition of covering the brides travel from what my sister has told me, if you want to cover her train it will be £x more each, are you all happy to?

I paid for my own! I wouldn't pay for anyone else!

I didn't even consider asking anyone to pay for me to go on my own hen do. I also organised it myself as I knew precisely what I'd wanted to do for years. We did go abroad (I kept it cheap) and I paid for the one friend who I knew wouldn't otherwise be able to come.

Surely she can stick up the cost of her own train. How completely precious of her

but that’s the way it’s done with my sister’s friends. She’s done it for them so it’s her turn now. And so the cycle goes on…..

@Hatedhen as this is the way these friends do this, then I would ask them for the extra money and just say you forgot that the bride to be doesn't pay for it

Please can we stop this craziness. Your sister is getting married. Her friends are giving up time and enough money. They don't need to spend even more. A hen weekend is a HUGE luxury and your sister should be grateful to have people who are nice enough to want to celebrate with her. She should pay for herself, or you can pay for her. DO NOT ask for any more money! That's enough! It is a ridiculous and indulgent event - as weddings are, to be honest. And it's just so greedy! If you love your sister, just do nice things for her. Do not expect others to cough up. Just be sensible.

Who specifically has asked you to pay for her travel? Surely not the bride herself?

If that’s what they do in their friendship group then fine but it’s absolutely not ok to ask them a week before you go.
if I had an expensive weekend booked, a last minute cost would piss me off if I was on a tight budget.

I know you haven’t organised something Iike this before OP but the drip drip of costs is really annoying. I want to know up front what it’s going to cost me in travel, accommodation and activities before I commit. Then I know all I have to budget for is food/drink and other spending money. I don’t mind chipping in for the bride.

Your sister can pay for her own train ticket, that’s ridiculous

Bride should pay for herself. I’d be really unhappy being asked to cover this

Tell you sister you haven't factored it in and she needs to pay for her own train fare. If it is her saying it should be paid for by the hens then just be honest.

Hi all, bride-to-be (or whoever is saying it) has just told me you normally pay for the brides train fare too as that's the way you usually do it between each other so that's an extra £20 each please. Sorry for late notice as I didn't know, any problems let me know and I'll pass it on xxx

This is not your problem, it is the ridiculous expectations from brides.

Your sister is being a CF. Tell her you had no idea she expected her travel paid as well and if she expects her friends to cover it, she can ask them herself.

Just don't. There's no expectation generally that the bride's travel should he paid for. Just telling your sister she's getting her own train ticket and that you didnt know she expected you to sort her out being paid for. If she's a dick about it then let her be a dick about it.

If you think it's ridiculous (it is) then don't buy into it.

Yep I know I have totally messed up and the hen has been a weight on my mind for months now - although in my defence I did tell everyone what the intial costs included so they would have known the initial price didn’t include food or taxis…. I also had a newborn at the time of booking so was very much in survivors mode at that point and just didn’t have the headspace to be thinking of all the costs associated with a weekend away for a big group.

As I mentioned before my parents have substantially contributed which will cover a lot of the food costs to limit down the drip drip of money from the hens but yes I have had to ask for more money which I appreciate is annoying but I’m only human and trying my best.

How much is a train ticket. Surely your sister will understand. Just tell her you overlooked this and don’t want to ask for more money. I’d understand if it was your sister.

Just explain you have not factored train fare in and cannot now add it on to others' costs. Suggest bride looks for cheap ticket, eg off peak or advance tickets. I mean she isn't likely to opt out of her own hen do over a train fare is she?

Why aren't you answering any of the many questions about how much the travel is and who told you that you needed to sort it out?