Oh no, I’m going to be ‘that’ hen organiser everyone hates!

[Hatedhen]

I’ve organised a hen weekend for my sister which is next weekend & I’ve just found out that i should have organised her travel there including getting the hens to cover the cost…. I’ve already had to ask the hens for more money than initially agreed as I hadn’t accounted for taxis & food in the initial price, and now I need to go back and ask for more.
They’re all going to hate me aren’t they?!

I’ve never been to a weekend hen do and had no idea that it was my job to organise and cost up literally every aspect of the weekend but apparently in her circle that’s what the organiser does. Everyone is also expected to cover every expense for the bride which I’m flabbergasted by!!!

I’m a SAHM so I only have a limited budget so can’t afford to pay for her travel myself but I’m really stressing about asking for the money now as I know everyone is going to be really annoyed.

Sorry it’s about £75 and it was mentioned in passing in a conversation about the hen. Then when I checked with someone else they said it needs to be paid for by the hens

if you were asking the others for cash up front, why didn't you ask your sister at the same time as the others.
I don't understand why you only found out the weekend before.

I think we need to normalise a nice meal out and stop these self-indulgent, self-obsessed hen weekends.

It doesn't "need" to. In some circles it might be expected but there's no rule and it's too late to pass it on or expect you to cover it so don't.

Surely, surely people are reaching a tipping point in this hen do madness?! The sheer entitlement of covering someone else’s entirely unnecessary holiday just because they’ve chosen to get married?! Absolute madness! You go to the wedding, you buy a present, if invited in the hen do you go and have a few drinks and wish her well a few nights before? Unless you mix among the super wealthy, that is what is proportionate. I swear to god no- one even enjoys these mental hen dos! In this instance…get your sister to pay her own travel. I wouldn’t be asking for more at this stage! Sorry for being landed with this!

Yup! Niece is away right now in a luxury villa in Spain with friends & my sisters & all other nieces. I'm the only auntie not there. I went to the home hen 🙄. Costs for the wedding are significant too. It's all ridiculous.

Her insta is full of shots of her in various white, party dresses & a veil . 🙄🙄

This. I paid my own way on my hen weekend. Who expects a free holiday at their friends' expense? What does that sound like to you?

Also, you may have posted about this but it's particularly cheeky if the bride is relatively comfortable money wise and if others in the group are less well off. I would just buy my own train ticket because I'm not that entitled.

I think she's going to be the bride that everyone hates, rather than you be the bridesmaid that everyone hates. Of course princess can pay her own bloody travel.

I might chip in for the bridesmaid dinner and drinks, but not a train ticket 😂

I’d never heard of this apparent tradition of covering the bride to be’s costs on her hen do, either, OP. I learned about it here on MN!

Don’t feel bad about it. As you say, you’ve got more important things to think about just now. And please don’t be leaving yourself out of pocket. If any of the other women moan when you let them know about the revised costs, then just ask if they’d like to take over the organisation.

I’m sure your sister wouldn’t want you to be so stressed about this. If it really got to be too much, I’d talk to her about it.

You were tasked with sorting out a hen do weekend when you’d just had a baby???

Is your sister usually so self-absorbed?

I would just tell my sister, 'It's £75 for your train ticket, and you'll need to pay for it. Everyone else has covered loads and can't afford any more'.

If she throws a fit tell her she doesn't have to come if she's going to be a diva - you'll celebrate without her!

She’s your sister… Tell her she needs to cover her own charges.

Sorry, I definitely wouldn't. I didn't expect my train fare to be covered for my hen. I really haven't been to any where we've costed up travel unless 1)We are all travelling togther and have hired a vehicle or 2)Flights only (no taxis ect) on top.

Hi everyone,

First of all, thank you all so much again for being so lovely and accommodating with everything for brides hen weekend — I know it’s a big commitment of time and money, and I truly appreciate you all making the effort to come and celebrate her properly.

I’m really sorry to be sending another message about money, and I totally get that this might be frustrating, especially so close to the weekend. This is my first time organising a full weekend hen do, and I’ve only just learned that the organiser is usually expected to sort and cost in every aspect of the bride’s weekend — including her travel — and that the group typically covers it.

I completely missed this when planning, and it wasn’t something I’d factored into the budget (I assumed she’d be sorting her own train 🤦). My mistake, and I really do apologise for not catching it earlier.

Her train ticket is £XX and if you’re able to chip in, it would be around £X each. I completely understand that budgets are tight, and if anyone can’t stretch to it, I’ll find a way to make it work — just let me know privately.

Thank you again for bearing with me through this. It’s been a bit of a learning curve and I’ve tried really hard to keep everything fair and fun, but I know the drip-feed of extras hasn’t been ideal. Hopefully once we’re all there, prosecco in hand, none of this will matter and we can just enjoy making some great memories together.

Big thanks again,
Hatedhen

Don’t ask the guests for yet more money. Tell your DS to sort out her transport.

I'd eyeroll my eyes to the back of my skull of I got that.

I suggest:
Hi [sister's name],
Just heard from [shit stirring friend's name] that you were expecting the hens to cover your train ticket to the hen as well as everything else. Had no idea as this isn't generally a thing and obviously it's too late to ask the others for more money on top of everything else they are paying for so you will need to cover your own travel. Look forward to seeing you there.

God, fartly, that suggested message is awful: classic example of shit women need to do much less of and over apologising!

OP has nothing to apologise for. The problem is her sister, if she wants others to pay for her, and other guests wanting themselves and all the others to pay but didn’t say so.

This entitlement is just bonkers. Just tell your sister she needs to fund her own train ticket and leave it at that.

I'm sure in most circles you're right, but if in this friendship group the rest of the attendees usually cover the bride's costs, and this bride has stumped-up multiple times for the others on that basis, she might be a bit hurt at having to pay for herself when it's her own hen do.
OP, I think you just need to take a deep breath, add up everything extra that you didn't factor in yet, plus a small buffer that you can refund if not used, let the others know why, and apologise. Everyone makes mistakes - there's no need to grovel or anything. You didn't do this deliberately.

I've been to lots of weddings but only a couple of hen's due to work commitments. The hens I've been on had one of the bridesmaids/friend/cousin put on Facebook or sm group when and where the do was. Be that UK or abroad and then you just get yourself there. Some/all of female wedding party would commit but anyone else sorted themselves out.
Perhaps we might pay towards a meal for the bride but not her whole trip.

This.

Because these brides/bridal parties then expect Insta worthy ballon arch infested baby showers and gifts, as well as post birth gifts, naming day gifts and baby’s first fart gifts 😆

Someone needs to take a stand against these insane customs.

paid for my own flight and accommodation on my weekend hen. Friends got a lovely meal when we were there but otherwise we covered our own costs!

Just ask your sister to cover it, the whole thing is barmy anyway.

And next time you plan a trip abroad write a list of all expenses first!

Nope, nope, nope. You organised it, you TELL her what is planned, including what she is paying for. And, for good measure, tell to stop being a selfish, entitled bridezilla.