Oh no, I’m going to be ‘that’ hen organiser everyone hates!

[Hatedhen]

I’ve organised a hen weekend for my sister which is next weekend & I’ve just found out that i should have organised her travel there including getting the hens to cover the cost…. I’ve already had to ask the hens for more money than initially agreed as I hadn’t accounted for taxis & food in the initial price, and now I need to go back and ask for more.
They’re all going to hate me aren’t they?!

I’ve never been to a weekend hen do and had no idea that it was my job to organise and cost up literally every aspect of the weekend but apparently in her circle that’s what the organiser does. Everyone is also expected to cover every expense for the bride which I’m flabbergasted by!!!

I’m a SAHM so I only have a limited budget so can’t afford to pay for her travel myself but I’m really stressing about asking for the money now as I know everyone is going to be really annoyed.

I’d go with ‘I didn’t book train travel for my sister as I’d no idea she expected us to pay for everything for her. She’s now saying she won’t come if we don’t, so I suggest we all send her some lovely photos and enjoy the weekend. Bonus: this means we won’t have to do any silly willy stuff’

Have you totally messed up though, or is this just a cost that you had no idea about until now? If it’s the latter (which I had read it to be), don’t worry about it.

Some good suggestions on here about either asking your sister to pay as it’s been flagged so late on, or explaining to the others that you’ve just been told about it and asking if they want to contribute to it. I’d avoid lengthy apologies (there’s one suggested above that I would definitely avoid) when you haven’t done anything wrong - it’s fine to give a brief ‘sorry’ for the general situation if you want to while making it clear that you’ve only just been made aware of this tradition.

If your sister is reasonable, she will understand that in choosing to ask you to organise, rather than a friend from the group, she took the risk of you not knowing stuff like this. Given that you had a newborn baby as well, any decent person would just be grateful to you for pulling it together.

Lol. I would definitely be tempted by something like this too.

I was as a hen a year ago and our airbnb fell through 2 days beforehand. We had no
option but to all pay more, including the brides share. No one grumbled noone minded. Surely per person it wont really be that much? Just go back, apologies, ask for more and that is that. There are also apps you can download to split costs, they may be helpful

Just tell your sister she needs to pay for herself for her own hen do, at which she’s fortunate to have friends already shelling out to do it with her.

Maybe she could cast around in her 'circle' and find some other mug to front up the cash for her?

Reckon that they've all refused, which is why she dumped it on you in the first place.

This..cmon the entire weekend is for her. Hen nights are so ridiculous.

I love this..surely paying for her own train fare is a tiny amount out of the whole wedding budget anyway.

Is she the one saying she can't pay? Did she organise your hen party in which you paid? I would just ask her to pay!

I'm amazed that your sister is expecting you to organise and help pay for her hen do when you have a tiny baby and an extra £75 would wipe out your funds for the month. I agree with PPs that I hate this entitled hen do culture.

I would tell your sister that it got left out and see what she says. If she is remotely a decent person she will just buy her own train ticket.

There's no law here. You can't ask for more money so she will have to pay her own.

Yes I’m organising a hen do and I asked the other hens if they wanted to do it - since it would be about £15 each - and everyone was happy to do so.

I really, really do not understand all this hype around Hen Do’s! What is wrong with going to a local restaurant followed by a few pub visits? ………..years ago, that was just about all that was expected from a Hen night! No long weekends abroad, no spa experiences, no hen for the bridal party, no hen for work colleagues, no hen for the older members of immediate family, FFS they’ll be having hen do’s for the family dog next!

It sounds like you should have been more up front with the costs to avoid this happening. I've only been to a few hen dos, but each one I've been to the organiser has broken down the amounts so that everyone knows what they're paying for. This would have given one of her friends the opportunity to let you know that you hadn't factored in travel for the hen.

I do agree that the bride should be paying for their own travel, but if it's expected in her circle then you just need to go back and say 'sorry, I didn't account for this.' Hopefully it won't be a ridiculously high amount extra, if you're splitting it between everyone.

Sorry but why are you broke and simultaneously arranging hen dos abroad? Like you could have been the voice of reason here but chose to go with something more extravagant, on a primark budget! If your finances don’t match up to the holiday outing, maybe you need to rethink the whole idea

Why are weddings so complex these days. Hen weekends often abroad, £££ for everyone to pay for ONE day for the bride. Apparently the average cost of a wedding is £25k… what a waste of money. A friend of mine had a small wedding at a beautiful hotel/restauarant in Oxfordshire. Only 25 people - I know it’s not everyone’s choice but there must be a middle ground here.

You say your parents have contributed significantly to the hen party. This is definitely unexpected. So surely costs for the hens attending are pretty low? I'd be delighted to attend a hen where some food costs are covered by the bride to be's parents!

Hen needs to pay for herself.

It doesn’t need to be paid for by the hens. Your sister can pay her own costs and not expect others to be out of pocket for her. I’d refuse to pay if I was one of the hens.

At my hen do - I covered the costs. I wanted to celebrate with my friends not expect them to fund me.

I was trying to tailor it to the OP and what she wanted, knowing that all hens on this circle had this agreement that they would cover each other, and thinking of damage control for covering the costs.

I actually didn't pick up it was her sister that said this to her 😬 in that case I think she can suck up the cost as it wasn't communicated clearly to hatedhen initially and it's not her fault.

Yeah on my second read, this is 💯 what is be thinking.

Your sister is being pathetic. Tell her that you forgot about her travel so she’ll need to fund it herself. Any sane adult would pay their own train costs.

Is she expecting to be sent her prepaid ticket?

Are weddings really just Princess experience days?!

My costs weren't covered for my hen do. One of my friends did say after the fact that she thought my costs should have been covered but the organiser didn't ask.
I would send a message in a group chat which includes the bride just saying 'bride are you paying for yourself or are we sharing the cost between the rest of us? All of us will need to be in agreement if we are to cover the brides costs so can everyone please let us know what they want to do'.

I guess it could be worse, you could have hundreds of pounds for flights. It's not great that you're wanting extra money when everyone has probably sorted their budget but all you can do is apologise and ask.