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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Over familiar shop assistant

393 replies

StinkyCheeseMoose · 05/07/2025 19:43

I had a bad attack of internal rage today.

Apart from a bit of snippiness - which the subject of my rage quite possibly didn't notice - I managed to keep it to myself.

I work in an office close to the high street of a small town. Every lunchtime I walk into town to buy my lunch and take it back to the office.

On my way back, I go into the newsagent to buy a newspaper and a flake.

The shop assistant is murderous-thought inducingly annoying. She is the kind of person who speaks to her elderly customers in a higher than usual sing-sing voice and seems to think that a bit of patronising chit-chat should be part of the service.

My annoyance started to accelerate a few weeks ago. I had bought a sausage roll from Greggs before I went into the newsagent.

"Oooo! That smells nice, what are we having for lunch today?" She asked.

I decided to ignore her question and paid for my paper and flake.

A few days ago, the weather was colder than had been forecast (unfortunately, the heatwave everyone else seems to be getting has passed us by). It was cold and windy and I wasn't wearing a jacket or cardigan.

"Oooo! Aren't you cold dressed like that?" She asked.

I ignored her question and paid for my paper and flake.

Yesterday, I put my paper and flake on the counter and waited to pay. As she picked up my flake, she said:

"Oooo! You really love these, don't you? You'll look like one soon if you aren't careful"

Am I unreasonable to expect a shop assistant to respect my privacy, not to quiz me on what I am having for lunch, comment on what I am wearing or what I am buying?

I don't mind a quick "It's a lovely day today" type of interaction, but all I actually want from her is quick and efficient service.

OP posts:
alexalisten · 05/07/2025 22:00

I really fancy a flake now haven't had one in years

Jumpingthruhoops · 05/07/2025 22:01

The world is a miserable place OP. People like her make it a little bit nicer place. Try and embrace it - you might like it.

katseyes7 · 05/07/2025 22:03

*RominaDina *
Not an option, unfortunately, for health reasons.

UnintentionalArcher · 05/07/2025 22:03

napody · 05/07/2025 20:13

Yup. Her options at work are:

  1. Just take the rudeness and contempt- why should she?
  2. Agg agg- which would get her fired.
  3. Pass agg- definitely the best and most enjoyable of the three!

I think the nuance here is, if her tone and comments are as the OP has described, then the initial issue does appear to lie with her and, while it’s a minor thing, I can understand the OP shrinking from it. There’s a difference between genuine warmth and friendliness and the sort of ‘fake’ friendliness being described here. I think it’s a pretty natural human response to be slightly annoyed by it. ‘What are we having for lunch today’ does sound irritating - the way one might sometimes speak to a very small child I suppose. I wouldn’t ignore her myself - as others have said, she might be behaving like this because she’s struggling in some way - but I would find it a bit annoying.

500mileslong · 05/07/2025 22:04

At lease she’s not asking you if it’s only the crumbliest flakiest milk chocolate….

Gowlett · 05/07/2025 22:05

Jojimoji · 05/07/2025 19:50

I don't know why this made me laugh so much.😂

Me as well. Picturing OP furiously rooted to the spot.

kierenthecommunity · 05/07/2025 22:06

alexalisten · 05/07/2025 22:00

I really fancy a flake now haven't had one in years

I fancy a sausage roll 😋

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 05/07/2025 22:07

Notreallyme27 · 05/07/2025 19:58

You sound extremely southern. (Apologies to the friendly southerners!)

I am an ex-Londoner living about 50 minutes outside of London and I love a bit of small talk with my paper and flake

HoratioBum · 05/07/2025 22:07

Showing my age but I’m imagining the OP with a cats bum mouth a la Ena Sharples.

katseyes7 · 05/07/2025 22:10

*HoratioBum *
😆

alexalisten · 05/07/2025 22:15

kierenthecommunity · 05/07/2025 22:06

I fancy a sausage roll 😋

mmm yeah 😋

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 22:16

HoratioBum · 05/07/2025 22:07

Showing my age but I’m imagining the OP with a cats bum mouth a la Ena Sharples.

"mekkin smal talk? the vurry idea"
Hoiks bosom

StinkyCheeseMoose · 05/07/2025 22:18

OK. I accept most people think I am unreasonable and lonely people might enjoy telling a stranger what they're having for lunch.

I've got no problem with engaging in small talk and regularly do so with this particular person when she isn't making it too personal.

If she wants to talk about the weather (without giving me her unwanted opinion on the suitability of my clothing), or perhaps a passing reference to what's in the news or the headlines on the newspapers she sells, that's fine.

I don't like her making personal remarks to be "friendly", I don't go shopping to make friends. If that makes me miserable and not much fun, I can live with it.

I don't like the patronising, raised pitch, singsong voice she puts on when she speaks to elderly customers. However lonely they might be (and it's pretty patronising to assume they are lonely without evidence), they deserve respect. She could speak to them in her usual voice.

OP posts:
657904I · 05/07/2025 22:18

I think enquiring about your lunch from Greggs was polite. But commenting on your outfit or saying you will turn into a flake is rude. I’d take the flake comment as her indicating you will
put on weight.

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 22:18

"I don't go shopping to make friends"
No shit

LushLemonTart · 05/07/2025 22:19

RepoTheGeriatricOpera · 05/07/2025 19:50

Don't ask op a question ffs, you'll set her off 🤣

Really wish we still had 🤣

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 22:20

657904I · 05/07/2025 22:18

I think enquiring about your lunch from Greggs was polite. But commenting on your outfit or saying you will turn into a flake is rude. I’d take the flake comment as her indicating you will
put on weight.

Flakes are thin. However, they're a bit gnarled and twisty looking. Maybe she was making a point.

ssd · 05/07/2025 22:20

I work in a shop. Sometimes when I come home I tell dh about a particularly difficult customer I spoke to that day and how, if I ever win the lottery, I'll have a last day at work when I stand at a till and listen to someone grouch and moan at me for something that has nothing to do with me...and I'll calmly tell them to fuck off then and dont come back...

I imagine this assistant doing similar when she went home ...

657904I · 05/07/2025 22:22

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 22:20

Flakes are thin. However, they're a bit gnarled and twisty looking. Maybe she was making a point.

Not really, telling someone they’re going to turn into chocolate if they eat too much of it just sounds like something said to take the piss out of fat people. I’m slim and no one has ever told me I’m going to turn into X item of food.

EdwinaIronside · 05/07/2025 22:30

I’m not one for small talk but this is just a shop assistant being friendly. I’d just send some meaningless banter back her way, makes the day go a bit quicker.

NoelFaraday · 05/07/2025 22:32

Op needs to up her game the next time she goes in there.

Sensitive content
Over familiar shop assistant
Cocktailsincans · 05/07/2025 22:35

Lol

B1anche · 05/07/2025 22:36

NoelFaraday · 05/07/2025 22:32

Op needs to up her game the next time she goes in there.

I wonder why this has a 'sensitive content' warning? 😂

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 22:37

657904I · 05/07/2025 22:22

Not really, telling someone they’re going to turn into chocolate if they eat too much of it just sounds like something said to take the piss out of fat people. I’m slim and no one has ever told me I’m going to turn into X item of food.

Ok. I was actually joking, but whatever. I hope no one ever says you'll turn into a Flake then.