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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think it's weird to friend a number of Facebook friends in less than 3 years. CW added by MNHQ: Rape and DV

76 replies

SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 17:45

I have a mum friend of about 6 months and she added me to Facebook. I can't see her friends list due to her settings and due to abusive ex I need to protect my online privacy. I saw a post from three years ago and she was getting wished happy birthday. About 30 likes and a number of comments. I have clicked on the friends and she's no longer friends with most of them, on Facebook, which I find it.

I thought maybe as she has an IVF baby than she wanted to be private as she won't let nursery upload photos, but than she's got a tik Tok and has him on it, plus she's in her knickers with pregnancy pictures, and he's on the toilet (you can see his genitals slightly).

So I was wondering if I'm being unreasonable. I didn't have any concerns until she started to post on every what's app status I made and also every Facebook photo.

OP posts:
Original poster
SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 17:46

Sorry for the typos.

OP posts:
Dartmoorcheffy · 05/07/2025 17:48

What are you actually worrying about?

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/07/2025 17:48

What’s the issue/your worry? That she’s lost friends so she must have done something appalling and you’re wondering what it is?

Leapintothelightning · 05/07/2025 17:48

What exactly is your question? If you can’t see her friends list that doesn’t mean that
a) she doesn’t have any friends
or
b) she’s unfriended them all.
it’s most likely her and/or her friends’ privacy settings - lots of people have it that their friends list is only shown to their friends on Facebook or nobody at all.

PeapodMcgee · 05/07/2025 17:50

It's a FB privacy issue, you can't see who either her, or her friends are friends with unless they have both enabled that.

It is however very odd behaviour from you to do all this digging, and make a MN post about it.

Notreallyme27 · 05/07/2025 17:50

How do you know they’re not still friends?

whitewineandsun · 05/07/2025 17:51

I go through my friends list every year. If I no longer speak to or interact with people, they go. Many people do this. No harm done.

But I'm confused what your issue actually is.

Original poster
SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 17:51

Dartmoorcheffy · 05/07/2025 17:48

What are you actually worrying about?

I find it odd to unfriend a number of friends who wished you hb. I know these are real life people becUse we have a mutual friend and she's friends with a number of them.

I also find her comments on my own Facebook and what's app tad annoying. She's stated she's autistic, but don't know if diagnosed.

I also find it hard to trust her saying "my child won't be on social media" and she's got him potty training and you can see his penis.

OP posts:
Original poster
SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 17:52

Notreallyme27 · 05/07/2025 17:50

How do you know they’re not still friends?

You click on that's person profile and you can see mutuals, of which my friend should be one

OP posts:
Original poster
SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 17:53

PeapodMcgee · 05/07/2025 17:50

It's a FB privacy issue, you can't see who either her, or her friends are friends with unless they have both enabled that.

It is however very odd behaviour from you to do all this digging, and make a MN post about it.

Edited

Not odd when you've been raped and strangled by your ex husband and don't want anyone to know where you are. And try and keep that privacy.

OP posts:
whitewineandsun · 05/07/2025 17:53

I also find it hard to trust her saying "my child won't be on social media" and she's got him potty training and you can see his penis.

Surely this is the bigger issue!

Original poster
SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 17:54

whitewineandsun · 05/07/2025 17:51

I go through my friends list every year. If I no longer speak to or interact with people, they go. Many people do this. No harm done.

But I'm confused what your issue actually is.

Maybe I'm over thinking. I have recently got a new profile and don't think I would have gone on a cull.

OP posts:
VirginaGirl · 05/07/2025 17:55

I see what you’re saying. I received a friend request from an old school friend a few years ago, I then received a direct message from a mutual friend warning me that this person tends to write be nasty comments Facebook. Which transpired to be true, she made strange and rude comments on anything I posted so I deleted her.

Original poster
SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 17:55

whitewineandsun · 05/07/2025 17:53

I also find it hard to trust her saying "my child won't be on social media" and she's got him potty training and you can see his penis.

Surely this is the bigger issue!

Yeah I need to speak to her about it. I've been told by another mum about it.

OP posts:
PeapodMcgee · 05/07/2025 17:55

SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 17:53

Not odd when you've been raped and strangled by your ex husband and don't want anyone to know where you are. And try and keep that privacy.

Show quote history

But you don't seem to like her very much? If you don't want to be found on social media, don't have any social media?

Original poster
SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 17:56

VirginaGirl · 05/07/2025 17:55

I see what you’re saying. I received a friend request from an old school friend a few years ago, I then received a direct message from a mutual friend warning me that this person tends to write be nasty comments Facebook. Which transpired to be true, she made strange and rude comments on anything I posted so I deleted her.

I'm getting a bit concerned that she's removed so many or perhaps they unfriended her.

She's changed her first name as well.

OP posts:
Notreallyme27 · 05/07/2025 17:56

SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 17:52

You click on that's person profile and you can see mutuals, of which my friend should be one

Show quote history

Not if their privacy settings are heavily protected. Take a look at something she’s posted today or yesterday. You’ll find the same on those posts too. They won’t all have unfriended her in the past few hours.

Original poster
SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 17:56

PeapodMcgee · 05/07/2025 17:55

But you don't seem to like her very much? If you don't want to be found on social media, don't have any social media?

Show quote history

Need social media for various reasons and because I want to. This isn't a fact of not wanting to be found, it's people having access as a friend

OP posts:
Original poster
SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 17:57

Notreallyme27 · 05/07/2025 17:56

Not if their privacy settings are heavily protected. Take a look at something she’s posted today or yesterday. You’ll find the same on those posts too. They won’t all have unfriended her in the past few hours.

Show quote history

This was a post from 3 years ago. You can always see mutals?

OP posts:
Original poster
SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 17:58

These people I can see their friend list and she's no longer on it

OP posts:
Figfug · 05/07/2025 18:00

Fb doesn’t always show you all mutual friends.

gamerchick · 05/07/2025 18:04

SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 17:53

Not odd when you've been raped and strangled by your ex husband and don't want anyone to know where you are. And try and keep that privacy.

Show quote history

I can't connect the 2 things OP. If you've got your FB locked down then it shouldn't matter and if you had any sense you would have blocked your ex and any spies anyway.

People unfriend and friend. I do culls every year or 2. It's not a huge thing

If you're at the point of stalking her then just delete her off

gamerchick · 05/07/2025 18:05

SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 17:57

This was a post from 3 years ago. You can always see mutals?

Show quote history

No you can't always see mutuals.

Original poster
SillyDeer · 05/07/2025 18:06

gamerchick · 05/07/2025 18:04

I can't connect the 2 things OP. If you've got your FB locked down then it shouldn't matter and if you had any sense you would have blocked your ex and any spies anyway.

People unfriend and friend. I do culls every year or 2. It's not a huge thing

If you're at the point of stalking her then just delete her off

Show quote history

There is a bit of a back story, I've been warned
No it's her behaviour. Commenting on everything and the whole lie about "I don't put my child online" and she does, plus pictures of her in her granny pants whilst pregnant

OP posts:
stardrops1 · 05/07/2025 18:07

Not sure what any of this has to do with you?! Why are you digging around trying to see who wished her happy birthday 3 years ago and how many of those she has unfriended?? Very weird! Just unfriend her if you have such an issue with how she uses her social media.