Aibu to think it's weird to friend a number of Facebook friends in less than 3 years. CW added by MNHQ: Rape and DV

[SillyDeer]

I have a mum friend of about 6 months and she added me to Facebook. I can't see her friends list due to her settings and due to abusive ex I need to protect my online privacy. I saw a post from three years ago and she was getting wished happy birthday. About 30 likes and a number of comments. I have clicked on the friends and she's no longer friends with most of them, on Facebook, which I find it.

I thought maybe as she has an IVF baby than she wanted to be private as she won't let nursery upload photos, but than she's got a tik Tok and has him on it, plus she's in her knickers with pregnancy pictures, and he's on the toilet (you can see his genitals slightly).

So I was wondering if I'm being unreasonable. I didn't have any concerns until she started to post on every what's app status I made and also every Facebook photo.

Maybe read

So you made a MN post wanting people to join in with your hating on her? What's the point? Leave the poor cow alone if you dislike her.

I defended and blocked a number of people over the last year having never defended or blocked anyone before or after.
If you look at their posts on my timeline you might wonder why.

Reason is I was bullied by two people. I can't cope with even seeing their names. Initially I just defriended them. But their names were appearing, and especially commenting on mutual friends if I had.
So I blocked them, and also a few other people who supported them (even though they knew what was going on)
This lasted about a week before they obviously clocked and a couple of people who had never before appeared on my friend list suddenly were constantly there in the top two. I knew they were people who knew them.
So I blocked them.
Next the bullies partners, who I have never had any contact in any form with were #1 and 2 in the friends list.
So I blocked them.

In the next week I had three attempts to hack my facebook .. all located where they live or work.

A year down the line and they're still trying.
Only two or three weeks ago I had an account I know one of the bullies set up in 2021 but rarely used (and no it hasn't been used since either) apparently my #1 friend.

And I have no idea why they keen on checking my account. The privacy is so they can't see beyond profile picture
I rarely post, perhaps once a month or less and normally it's only a photo of something we're doing. It's not very interesting.

Only thing is that they use their FB very passive aggressively. Lots of "oh I didn't push an old woman into the road even though she was annoying me, but that's the sort of kind person I am that no one appreciates properly" type of posts. So I suspect they're desperate to check I haven't put anything on mine, because they know I would.

Surely then you’re better off not being on social media or at least not being “findable” rather than being concerned about whether she has unfriended people (which I doubt she has - will just be privacy settings. My MIL doesn’t show up as a mutual friend on my SIL’s profile yet I know for a fact they are still friends)

You think your ex has something to do with her?

It’s her privacy settings. My mum has her friends list locked so you can’t see who she is friends with. When I look at my sister’s profile, my mum isn’t showing as a mutual friend though I know she is friends with her on fb.

So have you seen this video? Why are you and others investigating this.

Well this, your face stalking of friends friends are WHY people hide their friends lists!

No she's a mutual of a work friend, I just try to be cautious as well as grow network

The issue is what?

I delete people off my fb every now and then
People who i no longer communicate with / have an interest in/ Grown out off
I think its pretty normal
Old work colleagues etc

But noone can see my friends list as it is hidden and i only share certain posts / pictures with certain friends on fb anyway

Yes it's on tiktok and she linked it on her Facebook

So no investigation. It's public

I would be extremely freaked out if one of my friends was going back through my Facebook posts from years ago and investigating to see if the people who’d commented on it were still friends with me.

This is really unusual behaviour OP, to the point of stalking.

That's fine, you haven't lived my life. I guess you've never been raped, strangled, robbed and locked up for three weeks.

Never had to start fresh away from everything youve known.

And I can assure you, your friends are looking at your profile and judging you

Look, it's completely customised, you won't always be able to see mutuals
(screenshot) although that bit about mutuals is confusing - in practice they're hidden sometimes

Ahhhhh, the mutual friend button on Facebook lies !!!!

When i go on someone who i know shares about 10 mutual friends with me it may come up none, or one or something

It purely depends on individual privacy settings on everyones facebook page

I'm sorry this happened to you, but it isn't an excuse to stalk your new friends page, and share suspicion with other people.
Maybe stay away from FB if it is making you paranoid.
I gave it up years ago.

So very true.

Why would you speak to her about it? Presumably she knows she posted it. Are you the Instagram police?

At the risk of sounding callous I don’t see what that has to do with this friend, or with how many friends she does or doesn’t have on Facebook, or with who did or didn’t wish her happy birthday three years ago. I am genuinely confused but none of this feels healthy. I hope you’re ok.

So you're just wanting to know if she could be a wrong 'un, OP?

If that’s aimed at me, I can assure you none of my friends are trawling my profile and old posts and friends list the way you describe. It isn’t a thing.

If you dont want to be her friend on facebook then dont be

It isnt hard

If for some weird reason you have to be, set any new posts / pictures you upload to not include her, its very easy to set up, someone has posted a picture above

Obviously very sorry this happened to you, but you response is uncalled for. You have no idea about that poster's ife and what they've been through.