Aibu to think it's weird to friend a number of Facebook friends in less than 3 years. CW added by MNHQ: Rape and DV

[SillyDeer]

I have a mum friend of about 6 months and she added me to Facebook. I can't see her friends list due to her settings and due to abusive ex I need to protect my online privacy. I saw a post from three years ago and she was getting wished happy birthday. About 30 likes and a number of comments. I have clicked on the friends and she's no longer friends with most of them, on Facebook, which I find it.

I thought maybe as she has an IVF baby than she wanted to be private as she won't let nursery upload photos, but than she's got a tik Tok and has him on it, plus she's in her knickers with pregnancy pictures, and he's on the toilet (you can see his genitals slightly).

So I was wondering if I'm being unreasonable. I didn't have any concerns until she started to post on every what's app status I made and also every Facebook photo.

It's very sad about what's happened to you but the 2 still aren't linked. You can't use it as a reason to stalk this unconnected person and show up on a load of people you might know lists. You're putting yourself all over the place by clicking on people's profiles.

Maybe you should deactivate SM until you're more settled in yourself. You're obviously traumatised and it's affecting your actions re SM.

It doesn't show all Facebook mutual friends.

Your digging into her account is weird and you need to stop it.

I’m not sure I understand, what is the backstory? And what does she comment on things you post?

I don’t think it’s uncommon for people to post their children on their private socials but don’t want them shared by other people. But can’t tell from your posts if her TikTok is private is not. Photos of kids’ genitals are obviously very very inadvisable and kids on the toilet is very inappropriate so I would be talking to her about that

You seem very odd OP.

If you’re so bothered then unfriend her. Surely if you have so many privacy concerns you can see that she might have them too.

You are very odd!

What has that got to do with you fb stalking?

I'm sure tiktok would remove the video?

Yes this, simple really! Just unfriend. The level of investigating you’re doing and the concern means you should just not be friends.

A very odd reply from the op

Op How could you possibly assume someone hasn’t been raped just because you were asked about stalking someone on fb? They aren’t mutually exclusive.

About 30 likes and a number of comments. I have clicked on the friends and she's no longer friends with most of them, on Facebook, which I find it.

Why did you do this? That's really weird

I think it's weird that you have such an interest in her social media - she's not a close friend, she's just someone you know. Why does it matter who she's no longer friends with or if she puts pictures of herself and her child on tiktok? It's not your business!

The mutual friends but only works if both profiles have enabled it. I am a teacher and have my friends hidden and don’t show up in anyone else’s friends list but that’s so parents don’t find me. It may look like I’m not friends with certain people but that person and I can see that we are friends.

I think if you’re unsure about this person then just back off from the friendship and hide your profile from them.

I think she needs to be more concerned about you.

I have my friends list hidden. Which means that if someone clicks on my profile, you wouldn’t be able to see who our mutual friends are.

Your behaviour is very odd and kind of obsessive, this person is unconnected to your ex, you have no reason to be stalking her and her friends profiles in this way. It would be better for you and her if you just removed her as a friend.

I agree.

Then when asked why you are stalking her - talk about what happened to you, (which I am sorry to hear about) but how does that explain your behaviour? How is that linked to you stalking someone online?

Yabu - your behaviour is coming across as weird not hers.

She won't be on it because of her privacy settings

There is no evidence to say that they aren't still friends

You sound absolutely mental, though

You need to come off social media.

With respect OP as a survivor myself, please be careful about repeated mentions of serious SA and violence on a thread on another subject and without any trigger warning. It can be very distressing for some survivors to hit on graphic descriptions of these things or even just the words themselves without warning.

Doesn't trigger me. What about the media, no trigger warnings. It's also worse to actually have it happen than read about it

So you don’t care if it triggers other survivors then, as long as you’re ok?

Of course it’s worse to have it happen than to read about it, no-one suggested otherwise.

I still don’t understand why you threw it at me in the first place though, or what relevance it has to the issue at hand which is you Facebook stalking your new friend.

It’s all a bit just confusing.

Your responses are honestly so odd.