Commenting on someone’s weight

[BlueNell]

I was chatting with DH yesterday and in the course of the conversation he remarked that he looked fat. I didn’t say anything in response at which point he said ‘you’re not denying it then?’, so I responded with ‘well you are fat’.

For context he’s a size 4XL with a BMI >40. So what was I supposed to say? He was upset with me agreeing he looks fat, but he is fat. We both have eyes, he must know he is fat, so why would I say he doesn’t look fat when he is? He says I didn’t have to agree so readily.

I would never be deliberately unkind but I don’t see why I should have to lie and say someone doesn’t look fat when they quite clearly are just to spare their feelings.

What business is that of yours?
I’m just talking common sense 🙄

I am just exploring the basis of your comments. Surely that’s okay for a discussion forum?

Most people don’t think you are talking common sense and I am trying to understand what you mean.

i assume from your response that you did mean that you believe the woman should provide all food for the man. Surely you are intelligent enough to understand that while you may live like that lots of people don’t. And lots of men decide what they eat themselves. Most people wouldn’t assume a woman dictates and controls everything her husband eats, and that a weigh problem is the fault of the wife.

He's not really angry with you, he is angry with the fact that he is overweight. As someone who can relate, it's like there is a part of you that hopes others don't see it or you stupidly hope that you have some sort of an anorexic complex where the reflection you see in the mirror is much fatter than you really are.

We meal plan together and share the cooking. I’ve tried to help him eat less/more healthy but he’s very restricted in terms of what he will eat which mostly consists of potatoes/bread, meat, and cheese.

I’ve reassured him that I love him regardless but I do want him to lose weight, because I love him. I don’t want him to be unwell or worse die from a heart attack. He’s said he’s going to start ‘cutting back’ from today.

I would suggest a psychological approach, maybe CBT or something? He must be eating a lot everyday to sustain that size and seems to be a bit delusional if he thinks you are not going to notice his size.

I have a family member who's so prickly about her weight, it gets exhausting. I'm overweight and struggling but if I say something about me trying to lose weight she she gets huffy like she is presuming I'm aiming my comment at her. She was complaining one time about buying an evening dress and the shops 'only making clothes for skinny people' and I suggested a plus size shop and she got all defensive and upset. No, love they do not sell size 24 dresses in mainstream shops and no, size 18 and 20 in the high street shops are not 'skinny'.

Assume nothing, I find your comment rude. My comment was for the OP, not for your nit picking, go nit pick elsewhere. OP didn’t find my comment out of order, maybe as you have so much time on your hands you should take a look at her response? 🙄

Okay - have a lovely evening