To be annoyed none of my friends have come to my concerts?

[LaChanteuse]

I genuinely don't know if I'm BU. I'm in a choir and we have regular concerts. We're an amateur choir but pretty good and tickets are cheap - all proceeds go to charity. Locations are easy to get to - nothing miles away or with difficult parking etc.

I've been in the choir four years and have done about 10 concerts. DH comes every time (even though I've said he doesn't have to - he is the kindest person in the entire world) and my kids come when they can.

My local friends know when the concerts are on but they haven't come to a single one. If the tables were turned I'd be dying to see them performing - I wouldn't go to every concert but I'd go to one at least. AIBU to be annoyed they haven't made the effort? To be clear these are people I'm close to, not acquaintances.

I often go along to these things because it's an evening out and not expensive and it supports people.

I really don’t like choirs unless they are a professional gospel or choral choir. I love my friends but still wouldn’t go and watch them in an amateur choir performance. I don’t mind if choirs sing at community events but I would never seek them out.

The only choirs I would see out of duty are my children's.

Or with Phoebe's awful guitar songs.

See, that’s the easy one - I have read all my author friends’ novels. But I like books so that’s not a hardship for me.

….although the one that was basically Young Guns romantic fan fiction was excruciatingly bad, but to put that one aside…

OP, this is what I mean - you like performing and performance so of course you’d be happy to go to support a friend. I don’t so I wouldn’t. But I would read their novels* because that’s sufficiently within my circle of interest to make an effort.

*and then die a thousand deaths when asked about the cowboy erotica. All my other author friends are actually good, though. It’s just that one

and again need the laugh emoji 😂

Yes, this. It takes hours of your spare time to read a full-length book.

When you think of the millions of books out there, and how few of them most people will ever have time to read in their lifetimes, it's an awful lot to ask of somebody who hasn't really shown any interest. Maybe if you'd written a poem or something, but not an entire book.

Plus, the less interested in a book you are, the longer it takes you to read it. Nobody wants to tell their good friend, who asks how they liked their book, "I just couldn't pick it up!"

(In retrospect the cowboy erotica was hilarious but not when trying to find supportive things to say about it)

Yep. This is all about you OP and not about your friends. You don’t care if they come and find it excruciating. It’s a box ticking exercise to show they are a “true” friend. Fuck that.

I can see @LaChanteusethat you are well into your choir, given your username. You think it’s bloody brilliant. Other people don’t. They don’t want to come. If you think that makes them bad friends, that’s on you.

Your friends don't owe you their free time - if I wanted to spend time with a friend I would go to a pub or restaurant not go and watch them doing something and not actually interacting with them. This is your hobby that you like to do because presumably it brings you pleasure, it's clearly just not your friends' cup of tea and not something they want to spend their time on.

I recently took my friend to a hospital appointment she was worried about. She had a camera up her nose to look in her throat and I held her hand the whole time because she was petrified.

If she asked me to watch her sing at a choir I'd tell her 'No thanks!'

My MIL is in an amateur choir and I’ve never gone to support her. Not because I don’t care, but because I have no interest whatsoever in classical coral music. I would be so bored.

One of my oldest friends sings in a choir. l've never seen them because that sort of thing bores me to death, but if she actually asked me directly in person to go along rather than just sharing the date on facebook - then l would, because she's a friend. Otherwise, no - what's the point? You're just part of one crowd watching another crowd making noises you aren't enjoying!

Just because the choir is amateur doesn't mean they aren't good. I've seen a lot of amateur choirs/plays etc over the years and the standard is generally pretty high. That aside, OP says the ticket sales go to charity so if my very good friend was doing something for charity I would support them - not all the time but I'd certainly go once. It's hardly an unusual concept for friends to do that sort of thing for each other!

I sing in a community choir and our concert is midweek, local and free but only DH comes. I mentioned it in passing to a couple of friends but they didn’t bite.

I would really hate to feel that someone had come from a sense of duty. It’s pretty marmite. Just sing and enjoy it. 😊

Oh yes, there's always something positive and encouraging that you can say!

😂😂😂😂😂

I agree op. I do watch a friend if they were in a painting a wall competition/show. It's about support and interest. Even if they only go once! I've supported my friends and their kids whenever possible. That said, no one reciprocates. I perform at least once a year for years. My family come. Never my friends. That said, I'm aware I do a lot of things for friends that they don't do for me.

Me too @LaChanteuse.

I have lots of talented friends.

I always make the effort to go and see them in their various endeavours, even if it’s not my particular interest, as I want to show my support for something that is important to them.

I agree it would be nice of them to show support, but maybe they’re not interested in amateur performances? (That’s not meant as an insult - I sing in a choir too.)

I'm assuming you don’t sing solos; if you did, and mentioned it to them but they still didn’t come, that would definitely be unkind.

Have you tried a direct approach - "Hey all, I'm singing in a concert in a couple of weeks. Fancy coming?"

I think most people find watching people they know perform a bit awkward. It’s probably no reflection on how they feel about you as a friend.

I would not expect friends to watch me perform. Family maybe but friends absolutely not.

That's sad. Some really good choirs around.

I just had a conversation with my friend about this. We play football. Obviously lower leagues, but we are very surprised how very few partners show up. My bf comes when he can, one husband comes to every game. But there are playera whose spouses and kids haven't seen a single game. I've played in the team for over 10 years now.

Sounds dreadful and cringe

I’d go and see my friend if the choir were doing carols by candlelight in a lovely venue, or if my friend had a big solo.
I would not watch a friend sing Ed Sheeran along with 50 other people at a summer fete.

My friend sings in a Gilbert and sullivan choir and does regular shows, she often has lead roles. I have been once or twice but really don't like that type of music. She understands why I don't go any more.