To be annoyed none of my friends have come to my concerts?

[LaChanteuse]

I genuinely don't know if I'm BU. I'm in a choir and we have regular concerts. We're an amateur choir but pretty good and tickets are cheap - all proceeds go to charity. Locations are easy to get to - nothing miles away or with difficult parking etc.

I've been in the choir four years and have done about 10 concerts. DH comes every time (even though I've said he doesn't have to - he is the kindest person in the entire world) and my kids come when they can.

My local friends know when the concerts are on but they haven't come to a single one. If the tables were turned I'd be dying to see them performing - I wouldn't go to every concert but I'd go to one at least. AIBU to be annoyed they haven't made the effort? To be clear these are people I'm close to, not acquaintances.

If they thought I was awful, I wouldn't care. I'm not out to impress them at all.

Oh I'm envious - my choir sang in a Prom once and it was thrilling, I'd love to do it again. Several of my friends came to listen too

Regardless of whether they like it or not, I think they could go once or twice just to show support. That's what friends tend to do YANBu.

What if any steps do you tend to take other than informing your friends of the dates of performances? Do you ask them directly? I think it’s perfectly reasonable to wish to perform to an audience that includes your friends. That’s part of making music that can’t be directly compared to other pastimes. It’s also hopefully the case that you think the people concerned would enjoy it. So it’s perfectly reasonable to ask people individually when you have something coming up. On the other hand I would not go so far as to think someone unsupportive if they don’t think to go when you haven’t asked. So do ask.

And even if you get a Yes, I find even the most supportive and enthusiastic friends do need some shepherding along. Is it in your means to invite friends as guests? In my experience of being in choirs and orchestras, I was most successful in getting friends along when I sorted the tickets out for them. I let my friends know I had some tickets available and asked if they wanted in. Then I treated it as a group booking and just got as many tickets as people said yes. If you can afford it and it’s for a good cause, you might find joy in bringing your friends along even if you stand them the price of their tickets.

But again, you are answering from your perspective. I, and the PP, are asking you to take time out to stop and think about how they would feel.

Added to which, if you are not out to impress and they are entertained, why would you want them there?

Don’t tell her.

I think this might come down, partially, to love languages. You appreciate acts of service (a demonstrable time commitment). Others aren't on the same wavelength and will express their love in a different manner.

Additionally, as someone else has said, it is a bit like watching someone do their hobby...

I have friends who run and seem to expect people to attend their running events. It's madness to me! I have no interest and the running is for their enjoyment (caveat, I'd possibly feel different about attending if it was a one off and/or a milestone personal achievement).

I would go as a friend to show my support, as long as it wasn’t expensive. That’s a shame they haven’t.

The question was about how I felt.

I'm taking time out to stop and think about how they feel and the answer is I don't know.

I haven’t RTFT but MN has a very weird take on what friendship is. I would absolutely support a good friend with something like this - and I have done with those who aren’t even that close!

Probably wouldn’t go, to be honest. A friend of mine ran a marathon recently and invited me to watch - no pressure, and she genuinely seemed to understand when I couldn’t make it.

On the other hand, my nieces have been doing dance shows for the last decade, and my sister has heavily encouraged (read: pressured) us to attend multiple performances every year. Some were free, but others cost £100+ for tickets, and all of them ate into weekends or evenings. I did go to a lot of them over the years, especially before I had my own children, but once I had my own family and ticket prices started creeping up, it got much harder to justify. I love them dearly, but sitting through a two-hour production just to see them pop onstage for two minutes? That’s a big ask.

I’d never expect (or pressure) my family or friends to attend something that’s my hobby, not theirs. That’s just not fair.

I have no intention of telling her - we know each other through work so it's not really relevant. But can I ask why you said 'don't tell her'?

What I actually said was how would you expect them to move forward if they thought you weren't 'all that' "? not "how would you feel about them not being impressed".

Why though?
Good friends won’t expect you to do something you’ll not enjoy.

I would expect them to move forward as though it doesn't matter, because it doesn't matter.

I think this is the key difference - I enjoy watching friends do things that they are interested in. It's lovely, even if they're awful at it.

It doesn’t matter if they’d hate it but it does matter they know they’d hate it choose not to go?

I wouldn’t expect it. If they are good friends in all other respects I’d let this go.

I would come, am going to hear a colleague sing next week (he did say he’d love for us to come even just the once, and he was do excited I felt I could not say no 😁, going with a few other colleagues and will have a drink after)

…have you ever told your friends that you would love it if they came? Sort of invite them?

sometimes you have to spell things out

It's not nice but at least you have a loving and caring husband

sorry if this has been asked before and i missed it but is there a ticket fee??

I take the stance that I absolutely would make the effort (if poss) to see a friend perform. I also perform regularly with a group... some friends have been, some haven't.
I just make sure that I make the effort myself, and it's a question of personal peace of mind in that regard.

I must admit, I’m quite shocked by the number of people on here who find choral music boring. I know the term “choir” covers a wide range of repertoire and competence but to me there’s nothing better than hearing live choral music.

Yes, same here. Each to their own, but it seems to be making preconceived assumptions of competence based purely on the dynamic of the kind of performers, without even asking or finding out what their musical genre is.

To me, it's a bit like saying that you don't like books or food.

Yes, there are some terrible amateur choirs out there - and other bands of various kinds; but very few of the current popular professional performers didn't begin as amateurs at one point.

The Beatles were originally rejected because somebody thought that guitar-based bands overall were a bit rubbish.

Somebody a few years back made a few quid from selling some records they found in a skip - by some completely unknown and therefore presumably rubbish singer called Larry Lurex... who later became reasonably famous as Freddie Mercury.

Gosh, people on MN really are arsehats.

Yes, it’s very reasonable to expect your friends to take an interest in something important to you, at least once.

If there was an event on that interested me and my friends choir was performing I might attend and make an effort to watch them. However I wouldn't just attend one of their events it wouldn't interest me. If they were raising money I'd donate but still probably not go watch.
Doesn't make me a bad friend.