to not understand Christians who have sex/live together before marriage then marry in church?

[onlytwo]

Posting here because I am genuinely confused and not trying to offend anyone.

I keep seeing couples who describe themselves as Christians who have been living together for years, sometimes with kids, then they get married in church with all the religious vows etc. I thought one of the key Christian teachings is no sex before marriage yet it seems really common that people ignore that part but still have a big church wedding.

AIBU to think it is hypocritical?

I don’t think this is true. We’re talking about a 2000 year-old text, and the meanings of words change over time.

I agree - one of the reasons the Bible stories are false - a virgin and pregnant!

Not if it’s supposed to be the word of god. He’d surely be using a much earlier version.

It is for some evangelical branches but mainstream Anglican not really. Generally it's about treating yourself and others with respect so casual encounters are less desirable. In the GCSE students have to provide contrasting views so that's helpful.

Sex is not a sin.

You are making assumptions about myself, when actually I do know people who didn’t get married until older and were together for a few years who waited until marriage.

There are still people who attend church, who are prepared to wait, and find partners who share the same view.

Equally there are others that don’t and find partners who share their view.

The difference is between someone trying to follow Jesus but messing up but showing repentance, versus someone deciding to live their own way.

The first might end up getting carried away one evening and sleeping with their fiancée. They'd confess and repent and try not to end up in the same situation again.

The second doesn't care that the Bible is clear that sex is for within marriage. So they don't repent, and they probably move in with their partner.

We're talking abut 20th Century Christianity.

Most people who practise a religion aren’t fundamentalists. For example, most Christians eat pork and shellfish, which are forbidden in the Old Testament. Most Christian women wear trousers. Most Christians don’t object to money-lending.

And Christianity is very clear that nobody is without sin, in any case.

I know plenty of practising Jews who don’t stick to full kosher food rules, work on Saturdays etc. I also know plenty of practising Muslims who don’t pray five times a day and don’t wear hijab.

And where did the sexual mores of 20th Century Christianity come from?

You can get pregnant without having sex. Ancient turkey baster anyone?

You have to accept that, while possible, it will be MORE difficult to find someone willing to wait years.

so is stoning people to death - do you want to bring that back too?

Not really. If you are part of a church community you probably have more of a chance of finding someone of like mind than someone who is trusting the vagaries of the current dating scene outside that community.

God has preserved His word through the millennia.
A common misrepresentation is that the Bible has been translated into various languages and that our English version comes through many translations, diluting or confusing the true meaning. This is not true, Biblical scholars learn ancient Greek, Arabic and Hebrew so to accurately translate word for word or thought for thought (depending on which version you use ESV/NIV/KJV etc). There are many original, preserved manuscripts from 2000+ years ago that show an astonishing level of accuracy in today's Bible translations.

You do you. Don’t judge others. Respect and tolerance are at the heart of a decent society.

Id be more worried about the paedophile “Christians” both here and over the pond tbh.

But marriage wasn't originally something the church sanctified.
You refer to 'fornication' op, does that mean ( to you) sex with numerous people or sex outside marriage?

No we don’t, because we don’t need too. It’s under the ‘Old Covenant’ and was probably a law for the historical context and people living in the reality of the day it was written.
Respectfully, you really do need to understand the Bible, its history and context, otherwise you will get all mixed up in misunderstanding, as you have demonstrated. Not everything in the Bible was meant to be an instruction that is applicable to
us to follow to the letter today.

Indeed, it is a wonderful gift from God within marriage.
Outside of marriage it can be destructive and is a sin.

The poster was claiming people even outside that particular church would be happy to wait.
Also, limiting yourself to your church reduced the number of people open to you.

I’m one of those people! Lived with Dh before marriage and had previously lived with ex boyfriends. Married in church, though we skipped the mass and just had the wedding ceremony - Catholic weddings with mass are seriously lengthy services.

I have absolutely no issue with picking and choosing the bits of religion that suit me. Tbh I’d describe myself as culturally Catholic, I don’t practice in that I don’t go to church on a regular basis - just weddings, funerals, christenings etc.

I don’t care whether some people object to this or find it hypocritical.

@PlumLemur
How about the bit where women who don’t bleed on their wedding night get murdered?

Which passage is that please?

I grew up in church in the 70s and 80s. Nothing was preached about this at all. All my school friends who married like me in the 90s were living together. None hid it from the vicar!

St Paul required women to refrain from teaching or assuming authority over a man. I’ve also never heard a sermon advocating that either.

I have also never heard a sermon that says that the earth was created in 6 days.

I have heard many sermons about loving and serving people and not excluding those who can be difficult to love and serve. That is my faith.

OP people like you are the reason why organised religions is diabolical. You pick and choose the bite of the Bible that suit you, drop out all the misogynistic stuff so that you can live the life as a woman freely as you wish, then demand to know why others won’t adhere to the bits you’ve decided are acceptable.

If you want to worship, worship away. But unless you genuinely think women should have to bleed on their wedding night and prove they were virgins or suffer the consequences then you don’t get to say a damned word to anyone else who chooses to ignore certain parts of the Bible.

Don't they? Have you spoken to all the Jews and Muslims to check?

Most of my Jewish friends are very light on the observance of dietary rules. Some will eat anything, some will avoid pork and prawns but don't care about meat/milk.

I had a Jewish friend who kept a kosher household so that more observant visitors would always feel comfortable when they came to her house, but she ate whatever was going at work.

One colleague said her dad had started to eat bacon when he was in the Army because it was that or go hungry and he needed to defeat Hitler. He had brought his kids up to make their own choice. Same as they made a choice about wearing clothes of mixed fibres or carrying keys on the sabbath.

I knew of one Muslim mother through my work who fed her baby with a non-Halal food supplement because "God gave me this baby and he gave me the responsibility to keep him alive."

People make choices. It's only hypocrisy if they try to impose rules on you that they aren't willing to follow themselves.