to not understand Christians who have sex/live together before marriage then marry in church?

[onlytwo]

Posting here because I am genuinely confused and not trying to offend anyone.

I keep seeing couples who describe themselves as Christians who have been living together for years, sometimes with kids, then they get married in church with all the religious vows etc. I thought one of the key Christian teachings is no sex before marriage yet it seems really common that people ignore that part but still have a big church wedding.

AIBU to think it is hypocritical?

You're naive if you think that people who describe themselves as a believer and practice a particular religion follow it to the nth degree. People pick and choose what they want, influenced by other societal behaviour.

Well, for the western Christian church the nicene creed lists the important Christian beliefs and no sex before marriage is not listed.

https://www.churchofengland.org/faith-life/what-we-believe/nicene-creed

in addition, Christianity in general accepts that people will not always live up to the expectations it sets and that’s why there is the concept of sins and forgiveness.

I’ve attended church all my life and I can assure you that I have never heard a sermon about no sex before marriage.

I am appalled if you have studied Christianity in school as part of RS and have been taught that no sex before marriage is a ‘key teaching’. Where on earth have you got this from?

There are a lot of things that many Christians do which won’t be to the letter of the Bible, just like any religion.

Do you rest of the sabbath? If not, that’s a sin.
Do you ever gossip? That’s a sin.
Swear? Sinner.
The big one here for a lot of Christians - do you ever judge others? Better take that log out of your eye before you take the speck out of someone else’s!

I dont think Jesus ever said anything about premarital sex.

People make their own decisions about morality and how to behave within their framework of belief.

You’ve not met imperfect people before?
Or observed people belonging to a religion having different views on its teaching?
How strange.

If you think this is hypocritical you’re minds going to be blown when you start reading about current and historical practices of religious leaders of all denominations.

I'm atheist but I don't find that hard to understand at all. Some people believe in God and Christian teachings but find some elements outdated and don't adhere to them.

Maybe they became Christians after getting together and having children.

It is from the Bible:

1 Corinthians 6:18 (KJV): “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”

Galatians 5:19 (KJV): “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness…”

In modern versions of the Bible fornication has been changed to sexual immorality.

It is in the Bible.

It is fornication. Sex before marriage is a sin so is cohabitation, and a RC who received Communion if doing either would be committing a grave sin. It is seen as not ok. But people do it anyway.

In other news, some Muslims drink alcohol. Some Jews eat pork.

I don’t know anyone who I think actually believes all the crap. They just find the church wedding romantic or they want to get their kids into the catholic school. It’s all bollocks

It is hypocritical to say you believe something and not follow through. But we’ve all done that.

I think if they’re living together then they should get married asap. As they are now doing the right thing, you know?

Jesus upheld the sanctity of marriage, I’ve heard plenty of sermons over the years on clear biblical teaching.

I would echo the views here that a lot of people are only nominally Christian though.

And Catholics use contraception.

Is that you mum? @onlytwo

It doesn't say anywhere explicitly in the Bible no sex before marriage. I actually don't think marriage is a very big thing in the Bible.

Like everything it's an interpretation. Historically not having sex before marriage was not exactly strictly adhered to anyway. Some studies show that in the early 19th century 40% of brides were pregnant on their wedding day.

V American influenced evangelicals make it a big thing. The main proponents of it are the ones with the most sex scandals usually!

I would question the intelligence of someone who claims to genuinely believe in God and the teachings of Christ, these transcendental universal cosmic truths - but then believes they, with their tiny puny human mind that has momentarily blipped into existence, actually knows better than God and Christ and can pick and choose what they fancy if some bits feel somewhat outdated

It's not a key teaching. There is no explicit passage about sex before marriage but there is about a man having sex with his own wife, and that the marriage bed should be pure and undefiled.
There is also a passage encouraging slaves to be obedient to their masters, amongst others.

If you're interested in Christianity I'd encourage you to study it.

what you need to do is mind your own business 🤷🏽‍♀️

Only fundamentalist Christian groups hold to this. I was brought up in a Catholic/ evangelical split household. No-one in the wider community on the Catholic side waits. It's not a thing anymore, not frowned upon, not expected. It was more of a thing with the evangelicals. One friend was brought up Catholic and has been ' born again' and her new church is very much a no sex before marriage zone and she has had to join Christian specific dating sites.I have a lot of church of England friends and they are very much of the opinion of the Catholics. In general Christians don't adhere to this just some smaller churches.

The problem with some religions these days is that they are still following the outdated teachings of people from thousands of years ago in very different times. I thought Christianity was lucky enough to be a religion that had got through the mad fundamentalist times and developed and moved into modernity (eg female vicars). It seems for some this progress has sadly still not happened.

The Greek word that has sometimes been translated ‘formication’ just means ‘sexual immorality’. There’s no specific prohibition in the Bible against sex before marriage.

Some churches teach that sex outside of marriage is a sin, but it’s hardly a key element of Christianity. Things like the Incarnation, the Resurrection, and the promise of eternal life are much more important.

As far as I can tell, many churches would rather welcome unmarried couples than preach damnation. I’m not a Christian, but I think that’s sensible.

Why on earth does the personal lives of other people enter your brain as something worth thinking about for more than a micro- second?

That doesn’t mean no sex before marriage.